I’d like to join Sophie_M in welcoming you here, a good move
and I’ve a couple of suggestions I’ll get to in a minute..
You are right, it is a toxic
relationship with both your parents (yes your father too). Your mother seems to be the controller,
and you dad does not support you or defend you.
When one’s parents are not acting
normally but are abusive it is very easy to be fooled into thinking a couple of
things, firstly that it is more or less ‘normal’ and secondly that one blames
oneself for most of the things over which you really had no control, including apologies and giving way.
It sounds like up until you were 14
you were able to voice your own opinions in relative security. Any kid must
voice their opinions, it is part of growing up. Unfortunately, then your mother
discovered the perfect way of making you do what she wanted by involving police,
and cynically used this right the way though- things with no or little truth in them.
Your only defense has been either to
swear at her or back down and do what she wanted -probably with a little coping
via drugs. Under the circumstances I’m
not sure what else you could have done. Children are not as powerful as their parents and simply cannot walk away.
I was in a more fortunate position than
you, a weak father, a mother who always wanted her way, but no police, just
disinherited with my father standing by and going along with it (I wanted to marry
someone she disapproved of).
Obviously this will have taken its
toll on you over the years, and you may well feel you are not as strong or
capable as a result, which is why I’d suggest have others to give you proper
support and help you chart what you wish to do -and what is realistic.
First, as this is most definitely an abusive relationship I’d call 1800 RESPECT, (1800 737 732). There are the go-to people for situations like this, with experience and a realistic outlook The other organisation would be the Kids Help Line (1800 55 1800)as you are under 25. Youwill find they understand how you feel, the problems you n=have had to face and will give you professional support.