To delve into the big decisions that have been circling my mind include: trying to transfer to another store within the retail chain that I have worked at for over three years and if I will be able to get a transfer to a Melbourne store if I choose to change, retail is not my forever job and I want change, whether I should continue seeing my therapist (is it really helping me?? maybe I'm doubting the process - my therapist and mother agree that is has helped me so far) moving to Melbourne (something that I have always talked about but not sure if I entirely want that dream however my friend constantly pushes me and lectures me about it as she wants me to be happy and she was in a sort of similar boat to me until she moved) and potentially living with 'unsupportive' family members in Melbourne. Yes I know Melbourne is under lock downs I am not planning to move there right away. The only real person I have in my life who I feel I can talk to about this is an old close family friend who understands my situation and empathizes with me whereas every time I talk to my parents, my friends, my therapist I feel that they don't understand me and I end up feeling worse, feel even more stressed, anxious and start to feel more pressure and think that it is all too hard and that I won't amount to anything and that I shouldn't be here (I will say/think things like - 'this is your fault, you only have yourself to blame', 'this is what happens when you're quiet, 'you're not trying hard enough', 'you've been saying this for 8 years now what the eff have you been doing with your life', 'its always you', 'you are not trying', 'you are the problem') I could go on with the thoughts and when I spoke about them with my close family friend he said to me that I am in fact trying enough, that it is not my fault, its not all me, that I have damaged emotions and have faced rejections in my life where I have felt shutdown by people. Maybe I need to start a new thread here but I wanted input from the people who have commented so far on this thread for their insight. I guess the reason I write these decisions is that I need some support here as I embark on these decisions however it pans out. Side note: for those that may be wondering if I have tried mindfulness and grounding techniques to help when I'm feeling anxious and stressed - no they don't really help me, only talking to my close family friend does, going for long drives, long walks and shopping cheer me up slightly.