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Forums / Relationship and family issues / I need strength to carry on

Topic: I need strength to carry on

  1. Apollo Black
    Apollo Black avatar
    401 posts
    5 July 2016 in reply to Apollo Black

    I do think my wife is also very scared of the future - and probably accounts for some of the reason why she comes across as crazy, angry, aggressive, abusive etc... with much of it threats so I cave in and fall back to my previous complacent self. I think when she realises that this isn't going to happen she decides it's over but wants the marriage over with minimal disruption to her our our son's lifestyle, which of course is fantasy. She wants to keep the house and thinks she will easily be able to buy me out (I have put my inheritance into it) , She also thinks that our son will be able to start at a private school next year and magically afford $10K + a year for that.

    Anyway, i shouldn't carry on. I have a small group of supportive friends. My parents and brother have been great. I have a close friend who has been through similar who has been really supportive. My GP is ok - but to be honest I don't want to have drugs because I don't think they work. Exercise works for me which is hard atm because of my feet. I didn't find psychology useful because I thought I was having reactive depression due to my marriage situation. I also feel I have an element of seasonal depression too. If you ask my wife though she says I need help for my depression - depression I've had for years. What she doesn't understand is that living with her particularly in the past 5 years has been really difficult - and when you feel like there is no love, no affection, no touch, no intimacy, no caring then of course that takes it's toll. Thanks for listening.

  2. blondguy
    Life Member
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    blondguy avatar
    11398 posts
    6 July 2016 in reply to Apollo Black

    Hey Apollo

    Always good to talk to you. Interesting you mention getting really crook while all this is happening to you. I was the same...virus...flu...cold...it never ended. Interesting what happens when our immune system is damaged.

    You have also put your inheritance into your home. That would hurt...big time. Im not being rude towards your wife Apollo but all her anger really smacks of low self esteem and self worth. The trouble is she doesnt understand the meaning of 'being humble' so she has come out using a M-16 which doesnt help anyone especially your son.

    You never carry on Apollo. Ive seen you help many others and I understand where you are coming from. I remember the mediation prior to the family court as well...oh my that was ugly....

    here for Apollo. Paul

  3. Apollo Black
    Apollo Black avatar
    401 posts
    10 July 2016 in reply to blondguy
    Thanks again Paul. She's building up to get ugly again I can feel it. She can't stand being nice for too long. It's my birthday tomorrow and she can hardly wait until it's over to turn on the nasty tap. It's ok - my lawyer is back from leave this week so I'll be able to plan my exit strategy - or should I say hers...
  4. blondguy
    Life Member
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    blondguy avatar
    11398 posts
    11 July 2016 in reply to Apollo Black

    Hey Apollo, no worries. I just dont understand where people get all the energy to 'go into 'war mode' Such a waste of life. My daughter is 23 and is still 'paying' an emotional price for her mum using her as a tool in our separation.

    Happy Birthday brother for tomorrow :-) I hope you have a good one! You deserve to...Paul

  5. Apollo Black
    Apollo Black avatar
    401 posts
    19 July 2016 in reply to blondguy

    Hey Paul. Thanks for that. I did have a good day thanks after all.

    Just trying to take things day by day. I keep trying to build up the courage to talk to my wife about "where to from here?" but I always chicken out. I can't do it until our son goes to bed, so we have dinner then she usually goes straight to bed. She pretty much ignores me. Our son is being a real mummies boy at the moment so I'm trying not to take it personally, I can just feel that she's loving the fact that he wants her to read his story and put him to bed every night. Fortunately I'm continuing to play it pretty cool, but it is taking its toll.

    Im finding it hard to break this limbo. I absolutely hate it, but the alternative is also a nightmare.

    I just need to bite the bullet and talk to her. I'm almost certain she once again is waiting for me to make the move and end things.

    I'm really struggling with this, I just need to break this cycle. A friend of mine said what's the rush, but I do believe living like this is making me slowly unwell...

  6. blondguy
    Life Member
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    blondguy avatar
    11398 posts
    20 July 2016 in reply to Apollo Black

    Hey Apollo

    I dont think you are chickening out at all...I think you are smart for avoiding any possible conflict. Being in a one sided relationship is taxing Apollo...very much so. Your wife doesnt make things any easier by ignoring you and bolting off to bed after dinner.

    You do have the courage to have that chat Apollo....maybe a different time or place? I think your friend has made a good point with 'whats the rush' but struggling doesnt make things better either...

    Rock and a hard place...hmmm...whens the last time you bought some really cool flowers for her? Apologies if that is a dumb idea. It just may...work..

    Paul

  7. Apollo Black
    Apollo Black avatar
    401 posts
    20 July 2016 in reply to blondguy
    Hey Paul, thanks for your reply. It's not a dumb idea, but I'm afraid it's probably past that now. I bought her flowers for her birthday but all she could focus on was the crappy gift I gave her. I think buying her any flowers at this point would be a pretty big display of low value on my part...

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