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Topic: living alone

  1. randomx
    randomx avatar
    3349 posts
    23 August 2021 in reply to randomx

    Thank God l forgot but she hopes to move out of where she is next wk.

    You might be right about the cases time span too em l know, pretty sure the money one will go on much longer as they do . We hoped the visa problem will come up sooner rather than later though and talked about her coming back and doing the rest from here if that worked out. She's thinking by Christmas though but l'm thinking 18 mths 2 yrs even for that one yet now sooooo. Hence the dilemma magnified now with all the latest , just feel like l better make up my mind which way l'm going in this considering the frame she's been in.

    She uses all sorts of tricks to get through too , you need to find it l've had to myself but yeah she exercises and has certain readings and you tubes, also a counselor.

    Thanks again for the man thoughts em.

    rx


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  2. randomx
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    3349 posts
    24 August 2021 in reply to randomx

    l've had for mths now a thought , l hate it but l'm not complaining as such bc it concerns my d and blood it the thickest of all when it comes to our children right so , just sayin.

    But of course gf knows everything we've been through with her and so when she moved back in or more so you would say come home from interstate , was around the time gf was talking about coming back down and handling things from here instead. But and l knew of course , wehn my d came home , it would be too much for gf , she couldn't handle living with the drama in the frame she was in at the time or since. Unfortunately that's when she started being all over the place and back tracking. But what can you do.

    Anyway , unfortunately l have heaps of gf's stuff here and damned if l know what to do with it all. There's one of her computers and it's an expensive machine. My br draws and rails have heaps of her clothes and most of it is beautiful stuff way too good to donate, well unless she gave me the ok . There's medicines, expensive shoes and other stuff all round the house.

    l never asked her earlier bc she looked like coming back down anyway so it was fine here. But now as with the way things stand , l'd rather it was gone and out of my face, or at least out of sight. l can't ask her l know she has nowhere for it and it's the last thing she needs to worry about right now or feel some silly pressure over.

    Suppose l'll have to box it up and take from there. Her sons place is also full of her stuff no way he'll want more. She'd probably just say l don't care just donate it, but there's still the computer / And what if she comes down again l love some of this stuff on her a lot of it's my fav , it'd be such a shame to just lose it all.

    rx

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  3. randomx
    randomx avatar
    3349 posts
    25 August 2021 in reply to randomx

    Actually , if l was to ask her what to do with the stuff she knows it's not a room problem, so if she was to say donate it then that'd be a pretty good sign she doesn't think she'll be back. Well apart from the computer.

  4. jtjt_4862
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    25 August 2021 in reply to randomx

    Heya RX,

    Hope you're doing well buddy. I feel, if you do ask her, she might be troubled with thinking about what to do with it, and may even have torn thoughts about wanting to come back, but unsure whether things will go as plan and she can then return to you. Perhaps pack it up into boxes, let her know that you've packed up her stuffs for her, and she can let you know what to do with them when she feels better?

    Jt

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  5. ecomama
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    25 August 2021 in reply to randomx

    Hey rx

    Still tons of thoughts on everything, pretty hard.

    We had 5 Courts over many years. I didn't sack my Lawyer, she was the ONLY one I could engage, since demon had "conflicted me out" of every law firm in IDK 100klm?
    I'd inadvertently conflicted HIM out of my one only bec their firm had done a Property exchange for me YEARS before even meeting demon.
    Such is life hey? Click my tongue and HIGH FIVE lol.

    I think that more or less answers your queries since I was here last.

    IDK rx no one could really blame you beginning a new relationship.
    Sure it'd be a bit of a pickle if things did settle earlier for GF, you have the foresight to see this, so it's completely up to you.

    Can you just pack all of GFs things up in boxes and store them somewhere out of sight as much as possible?
    It can't be fun seeing her things around all over the place.

    For now it could help to just leave it up to the Universe / God / whatever and follow your own instincts on all else - phone GF whenever you want to, etc.
    It's not really as though you can control things happening up there.

    When things open up more, would you like to travel up to see her?

    Is daughter living at home atm?

    Yes things get pretty tough here a lot. I took Leave this week. Alexa had surgery yesterday, prodigal son still doing his HSC Trials, others working hard and studying, full time housekeeper atm lol. Beginning the Chook Palace build tomorrow with our Handyman's help. Never a dull moment lol!

    Yes absolutely coming into the forums is a kind of escape from real life but I've made some really wonderful friends and their support & kindness is very welcome.

    Take care!
    EMxxxx

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  6. randomx
    randomx avatar
    3349 posts
    25 August 2021 in reply to jtjt_4862

    Hi jt and thanks for the thoughts my friend.

    But nah , l was just saying to myself what ifs out loud really in reality though nah no way l'd trouble her with that it'd just invoke all kinds of things she certainly doesn't need right now. l will have to put it all somewhere though out of sight or something, for me.

    Anyway we talked today - she sent me something,we're not getting far are we.We were emotional and loving for ea other , she is really feeling this so am l. But l don't want to make it any harder not for her or for myself. lt's becoming pretty clear that it "is" , about her cases though, holding on and seeing it through. Not "us" as such , we're just a huge extra that she can't cope with or feel responsible for on top of it right now.

    Doesn't really help the situation though still leaves things where they are which l feel for my own good l really need to treat it as broken up , at least for now and a possibility of moving on. l think in time contact will fade bc unfortunately it's not doing either of us any good for sure.

    How are you doing anyway jt and hows the situation going ?

    rx

  7. randomx
    randomx avatar
    3349 posts
    26 August 2021 in reply to ecomama

    Hiya em.

    And thanking u kindly as always.

    Yep my d's still here home again ha, she's equivalent to 3gfs believe me my God she manages to get herself into some crapola . For a young adult of way above average intelligence though the way it works is that kind of magnifies manic when it does come around you see, hard to explain. But yeah she is sleeping well though bc she doesn't have a car atm so she's home and bored more haha, and so she's eating better and looking after herself more and that all helps manic hugely ,so there's a win , the more of that and routine the better she gets. Nope won't take her meds.

    You had 5cases , my God , that'd be enough to push anyone over especially with the demons trickery going on, wonder woman .

    gf did have one female lawyer that was brilliant and she was 100% in her court with everything , this lady had it nailed for sure. But damn it she went to another firm , it was such a kick in the guts.

    But nah , there's no one else on the scene or the horizon . Life is life though right, and in a situation like this life does tend to happen and usually at the worst times so you can't help but think about the future yaknow, so who knows. l couldn't even imagine anyone else though tbh, but she wouldn't like my house full of gf's stuff nonetheless l know that much haha.

    Seeing gf yeah , well if we were still us , of course , and l'd love a trip somewhere or up to sydney after all this lock down bs too that's for sure. l would've said doubt that's gonna be happening though in the frame she's been in but after her call yesterday, not so sure now tbh.

    That's the biggest bloody dilemma for me tbh. There's just been so much on and off for so long now l just badly need physiologically to be in or out now, one or the other, on or bloody off, yaknow. This is why l worry about us still being in touch , although l could never not answer her calls or messages but we see l suppose. Still have that feeling something is brewing , it won't pass now until whatever that is actually happens that's how it works but l'll know when it's closer, it's a way off yet soooo, we see . But maybe it's actually gf getting of a plane, l can't tell, not living in hope though l'll be just going about my business.

    Haaa, just what you need , some out there with the chooks nature and some time on the nice new palace for the girls eh , perfect. l suppose mr turkey will be supervising , he cracks me up.

    Big huggems.

    rx

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  8. jtjt_4862
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    26 August 2021 in reply to randomx

    Heya rx,

    I'm sorry to hear that man. It certainly seems like a struggle when you're both in love with each other, but cannot be together due to circumstances. The longer this goes on, the harder it becomes for the two of you to move forward. I hope you'll be able to find the strength and courage to do what is necessary, so that the two of you may move on and focus on what is critically important at present. Only time will slowly reveal what lies ahead for the two of you; maybe even a better version of each other.

    I'm doing alright, thanks rx. There are days where I still think about ex, and yesterday while listening to a sad song, just triggered a whole bag of thoughts and memories that I feel still needs time to be processed. Still on No-Contact terms with ex, and sometimes I wonder if we'll ever be in contact with each other again. Even though the ball is in her court, I sometimes wonder if I should initiate contact with her to remind her that the ball is in her court still. But I'd be doing myself a disservice, mainly because I feel it isn't right for me to do so. After all, it was her call to end it, and it was a blindsided act for me. My self-worth is telling me "You deserve better, you can't stoop yourself that low to wanting her back, and she needs to prove that she has changed. Otherwise, all the self-improvement that I've worked on so far, will all be for the same person who's still able to hurt me the same way they did in the past".

    I'm also working through my own problems at the moment. While there's still much to learn, on a more positive note, I feel better than I was a few months ago.

    Jt

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  9. randomx
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    3349 posts
    26 August 2021 in reply to jtjt_4862

    Thanks jt as always.

    l suppose we could or l could if l felt that was best, but l'm not sure . Maybe it is only 6mths , or even 3 , then l'd rather we rode it out especially if it's a good outcome and it's pretty likely it will be ok l've always felt it will and technically it's only ex's malarkey, buttttt. 2yrs, hmmm, nother story.

    We talked more today , she had some news she wanted to tell me, l dunno.

    Yeah you don't listen to those songs man , unfortunately l can't play my all time fav song anymore, it's best for me.

    Feelings are a huge thing , they're your guide and they tell you it isn't your place bc of how things went so yeah , your doing the right thing and if you can go with that is my vote. That's one of my problems, it doesn't feel right us forcing this apart, it feels like we should be riding it out. But if you feel to that you need somethings from her first , then l'd go with that too bc as hard as that is , it's telling you right from wrong but l know too what a tossle it all is and saying that's one thing but listening to ourselves and doing what we think should be is another , l know. And yeah , you are right , things can't work if your the only one aware and trying to better those things , if there were things on both sides.

    l hope the other stuff is coming a long for ya man , lifes complex isn't it eh , always something. Still going ahead with the house or ? Mine does look like it could be ready to sell end of yr , forget if l mentioned why but l've been waiting on a subdivision.

    Just saying to my brother yesterday though , really , l just don't have it right now, couldn't be bothered with any of it or starting over somewhere else. Speaking of forcing things though , the problem is l just don't feel any future here for me, and prices might drop next yr Covid and all , so if l hold off, could get stuck here.

    Take care of yourself my friend eh.

    rx

  10. randomx
    randomx avatar
    3349 posts
    27 August 2021 in reply to randomx

    Tbh , that's what's wrong with this whole picture for me. We're going against what l'm truly feeling and l think her too. Practical sides are trying to protect ourselves and ea other in self preservation and to help her cope and get through. But truth is it feels forced and swimming against tides. Tough talks of moving on, cleaning the house , or someone else, just feels like bs.

    rx

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  11. ecomama
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    28 August 2021 in reply to randomx
    randomx said:

    Tbh , that's what's wrong with this whole picture for me. We're going against what l'm truly feeling and l think her too. Practical sides are trying to protect ourselves and ea other in self preservation and to help her cope and get through. But truth is it feels forced and swimming against tides. Tough talks of moving on, cleaning the house , or someone else, just feels like bs.

    rx

    Gosh it's the day for quoting your posts lol!

    I think you're SPOT ON there rx.

    Self preservation for sure. And no one could blame either of you but it's still a dilemma.

    Yep 5.
    Same demon.
    Demons love grandstanding.
    God forsaken awful horrid and beyond disgusting.

    BUT none of it worked! Aha! I'm still here and still VERY strong!

    Got a letter addressed to it at MY HOUSE yesterday... it loves doing this too - total jerk.

    I can say I was ONLY in 5 Courts with demon lol... it was in many many more!
    Letters coming here, too easy to see through the envelopes.
    Fines and Court results and weird crapola as you would say lol!!

    So many fines :-)

    I thought of you & GF today as I was gardening. Burning off lots of stuff - YEAH.
    I attended a few Courts as a support person for others, mainly to LEARN how they operate (VERY eye opening).

    One Barrister saw the other party's affidavit and said "Oh Judges LOVE coloured graphs" - seriously I thought? What are they? Kindergarteners?

    BUT I DID THAT.
    It took BF and I 18 months to get ALL the data collected then graphed in different fancy ways on ALL aspects of Family Law.
    Man they looked FAN FAIRY TASTIC hahaha.

    It was THESE that blew demon out of the water in the end.

    COLOURED GRAPHS is my message.

    And a house across the road just sold for 2million. Ahh taking the HIGH road lol.

    OKAY so daughter is home.
    Yeah I get it. I used to say to my older children "You think you're immortal but you're not!"

    Thank God my younger children are far more IDK "aware"?
    NOT risk takers really.

    "Stuff" still finds them but nothing like the stuff the older kids had going on.

    Parenting hey?

    The Chook Palace is UP & the Turkeys are crazy outside of it.
    Papa BT No. 2 has kicked his stuff OVER my fence to the neighbours yard to build his mound there lol. If the new neighbours are from the City it'll be funny, they won't know what it is!

    Now the OLD Chook Shed is Mama's Cubby. Cleaned it out today. Moving some camping equipment in soon.
    I WILL Have fun even in lock down!

    Love EMxxxx

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  12. randomx
    randomx avatar
    3349 posts
    28 August 2021 in reply to ecomama

    Haaaa. But yeppaaa. as it turns out l am too , l'll explain later, but no surprises just relief more so l suppose you could say.

    Know what you mean about the paperwork and graphs . last time l was in court it lasted 6 bloody mths and every wk or two the solicitor , very cool old dude , would say give me another 10 pages , or 20 pages , or 3 pages , more pages more pages. My God l was just writing the same bs over and over , l mean the story was the damn story and that was that. l'm thinking this guys gonna get me locked up, butttttt, he got me off. Later l said to him what was with all these damn pages every 5mins , he reckons the judges love it , the more paperwork you givem the better. l'm thinking wth , silly buggers.

    l paid him with a painting . He'd drop over to see me and loved one of my paintings , l was dreading the thought of how l'd pay when it was all over, had no money at the time. On his last visit he said ahhh , yeah , the bill, l;m about to curl over and he says l would except that painting [ it's name }, what would you say. Knew l was broke. We hugged with a laugh and l said it's yours my friend and we carried it out to his ute. Yep a lawyer with a ute that takes a painting as payment. My kinda lawyer haha.

    Ex's, yep, it's just shear mind boggling isn't it. Why can't people just make peace.

    So the ladies have their new palace , fantastic , and now mr turkey think the place needs some more organizing eh , bloody funny. The neighbours will be think wth's with all these sticks.

    Anyway , l missed her and was worried so l messaged this morning to be sure she was traveling ok. And later she called me and we talked a few hrs, was soooo beautiful , God l just love talking with that women on the ph. And l rarely phone talk to anyone.

    l really don't know how to put it bc l can't get too personal, it's ours and not for public consumption yaknow,sure anyone reading will understand but we could just say the post above was right , and so were you em. We still want our life back , no ifs or buts. It's just hard as we've been talking about in the thread here, especially for her.

    l suppose we'll probably keep trying to keep things to a minimum though, or something, for now. lt just makes it a bit easier.

    Some news , one of her people keep talking about Dec' though she hasn't found out why as yet but she thinks they've finally got some info and maybe a time. But she can't be sure they've been very vague , probably don't wanna get her hopes up.

    We see

    rx

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  13. randomx
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    3349 posts
    28 August 2021 in reply to randomx

    ps , 2 million , my God , Australian house prices , just insane.

    But eh, l wish , l'm afraid mine won't bring quite that much haha.

    rx

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  14. jtjt_4862
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    30 August 2021 in reply to randomx

    Heya RX,

    I cracked up reading about your experience with a lawyer in a ute who accepted paintings as payment. It's nice to hear that you're still in contact with your friend. Sounds right to keep in touch with her at a minimum, and see how things goes on her end.

    Apologies for answering your question late, I just got my loan approved for my home, so it's an exciting step in life. Still taking care of myself here and there, also missing ex here and there too (as mentioned in another thread). Also, thank you for reminding me that it is hard to let go of someone who I was truly in love with, or that maybe I'll never be able to let go, and will just have to live with it forever. I'm sure new and better experiences, with more fond memories can be made with other people, so I'm looking forward to that too. :)

    Jt

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  15. ecomama
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    30 August 2021 in reply to randomx

    Hey rx, that guy was your kinda lawyer lol! Awesome!

    I want one too btw, ie one of your paintings lol!

    I literally went through over 5 boxes of 5 reams of paper being 150 pages per ream, and other sheets friends copied when I ran out of INK! well over 4000 pages. That was for the biggest case only re: The children.

    One copy for demon's lawyer (which I put in a PINK envelope hahaha - these little things gave me some comic relief to a horrid situation and I KNEW demon would hate that lol).
    One copy for my Lawyers. Green.
    One copy for the Courts. White.

    AND I had to put all in Word Docs and email to my Lawyers. That was a major headache.

    DECEMBER omg I'll Pray for a breakthrough there!

    After X long in Family Law Court, esp if there are NO children involved in the case, the Judges only have limited patience for monetary resolution.
    I went to the last day of Trial in a 9y Case... the Judge went off his NUT at them, like really ripped in to them. Put Good Behaviour Orders on them both etc etc. Man there was NO patience left in the Court system for shenanigans. My SILs mother went through longer, cost her brother over $400k for her to get $600k. Lucky she had a rich brother!

    Hopefully THAT'S how the Judges will see GFs case... GET THEM OUT!

    Then done.

    So glad you had a beautiful call with GF. How lovely for you both. A very bonding experience.
    It's a real test for the depth of your feelings for each other and those feelings are STILL there, no denying it.

    We think our girls are scared in their new coop :-(
    Those darned BTs are stalking them all day around the edges.
    Trying to remedy this for them asap.

    Today we had a magical big fat WHITE FLUFFY RABBIT in our back garden!
    A neighbour came later and one son helped her catch him hahaha. How sweet!

    Now the chickens are cooped up, all sorts of beautiful creatures are re-entering our garden. Blue Tongues, double headed Geckos (my name for them lol). As long as the snakes stay OUT, I'm okay with that lol.

    We're under quarantine atm. The fun goes on!

    Take lots of care
    EMxxxx

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  16. randomx
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    3349 posts
    30 August 2021

    Hi jt , nothing to apologize for man no problemo.

    Great news about your loan. And yeah nice way of looking at things with those feelings creeping in, great sign , the new and new horizons. One day man, time is your friend. And just who knows what it could hold huh.

    Hiya em . l don't know how you got through all that l take my hat off let me tell you. Not a nice bill with your SIL either , Jezuz . But yeah l'd be hoping that too with gf's. lt's all just such total baloney from the ex as transparent as glass. l mean he wants to keep the money , even to them that would be so clearly obvious buttttt.

    Gf's cases are probably a few 1000 pages at a guess, 90% of that useless and irrelevant. But the same she's been reliving it all 2yrs now, over and over , answering , writing, explaining over and over, you'd know all about it. There's also some she needs on the computer she has here which would be no drama l could send them through but guess what, she can't remember the PW to this one soooooo, and it's an expensive computer l can't hack in. l can get into cheaper stuff but not this puppy. But eh maybe she should jot out a few more 1000 though then hey. Anyway if she doesn't remember soon l'll have to send the whole pc up to her , she reckons if she was sitting at it the pw would come.

    And thanks too yeah , it was an incredible day for us, beautiful. Yaknow , for just a little while, we let it be back in and to just us again, just let it be. The us of the last few yrs , before she went back last and became consumed in this mess on her hands poor thing. All still in there loved and wanted no doubt about it now.just pushed aside and away in preservation

    Well , we'll have to go back to that now and all the unspoken of this last 6 mths for her own good and strengths, but that's ok . Anything that can help her through this.

    And ahhh so the chickens are suspicious , pretty funny. l can see them walking about hmmm , so what's all this then. But eh the Turks make me laugh. We had a house rabbit for yrs and gees tell you , don't know if you've had one but they are absolute classic pets round the house.

    Quarantine huh damn eh l think l read it somewhere, like you don't have enough goin on.

    You too and thanks em.

    rx

  17. randomx
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    3349 posts
    2 September 2021 in reply to randomx

    Well as stressful as it's been having my daughter back again right now there are benefits.

    Ex w her mum keeps dropping food over. Tonight she dropped of her famous lasagna. Haven't had that in yrs and bach'ing right now hmmmm, it's still as good as ever too.

    On another note , gf is stuck in the middle of Sydney for God knows how long but won't get vaxed , she doesn't trust it. Damn she can be stubborn l wish she would especially with her MH and nervous system in the shape it's in atm. Not a thing l can do if she doesn't trust something nothing will change her mind.

    rx

  18. CMF
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    3 September 2021 in reply to randomx

    Hi rx,

    Getting vaxed is such a personal thing hey. I got mine, despite being so against it. My kids and small local business are suffering. I did it for them. I'm working from home,don't really enjoy it,but I have a job. I just hope when more people are vaxed we are given more freedoms for making that contribution.

    Lasagne...lucky you lol.

    Hugs

    Cmf x

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  19. randomx
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    3349 posts
    3 September 2021

    Feeling pretty messed up about everything but especially gf things. Add in my d being back and her troubles , work , and all this crazy covid damn mess.

    Done a few card reads hoping for something and also of curiosity in seeing if this thing l've been feeling is showing up anywhere. They've actually switched to money matters though atm , bc the last few wks are the first business end of work for this yr, as well as my inquiries about the house and some things about being able to stop work . So there's been a lot of money stuff going on and all coming through and dominating in the cards the last few wks. lf l persist they then secondly after money matters just go back to the same original love stuff l've been getting 4 yrs now but unfortunately it doesn;t help much and nothings changed in other words. Yet nothings happening either so l don't know why they're still talking this big love , when we're practically non existent.

    So not much help there l'm afraid but at least the financial matters look good so that's better than a kick right.

    GF and l watched bachelor last night and wed night together by phone , funny l know. But we have a real thing about that silly bloody show bc when we first met it was on and we watched the whole season. So it kinda became one of our sentimental little things haha.

    Nothing else happening on the us front though. But she's convinced her cases are coming up in Dec , we see.

    rx

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  20. randomx
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    3349 posts
    3 September 2021 in reply to CMF

    Hi cm and thanks for that.

    Yep it's been a mad mad mad yr alright . People do seem to finally be rushing out to get vaxed though don't they so that's hopefully some light. Same reason the way the prems have been putting it, everyone just wants out of this crazy damn mess now l'd say hey.

    Hang in there.

    rx

  21. CMF
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    5 September 2021 in reply to randomx
    mctester
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  22. randomx
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    3349 posts
    5 September 2021 in reply to CMF

    Hi cm.

    Haaa, gf loves it , l mostly cringe but watch it sentimentally and get a chuckle out of her commentary along the way haha.

    Yeah that's my thoughts on vaxing too . Hopefully helping the country get back to life and to help protect loved ones of course too , not to mention l don't want the damn thing either . So many struggling in so many ways , it's a small thing that hopefully will help.

    Hope things improve with your daughter God almighty do l understand that one. We're seeming good again now and she's been such a sweetheart but we had a nasty fight through the wk and added to the last 18mths. Over all though l'm really proud of her she's been through so much but she's gotten through it and improving all the time.

    lt is hard though with her back bc gf was originally coming back down but no way could handle drams with my d in the state and stress she;s in although they do get along well. She's been great support though and understands BP as one in her family have it .

    l've also had a really big yr going on and a lot more to come now as l finally fire up more. But l'd psychologically prepared myself and the way l'd live to get through it and cope and get things l need to do done . D was suppose to be interstate so her being back has blown my whole plan and yr out of the water and l'm basically just stumbling through ea wk now and living the best l can to cope - hence our fight last wk , but it's not the yr l'd had planned let me say that much.

    So hard for you guys too , causes all kinds of stresses on you both l know . l hope m can be a good support for you and that your d finds her feet again and levels out. Not to mention what she'd be facing too in it all and a very big school yr .

    lt's bloody hard isn;t it. Tbh , l really don't know how most parents even do it tbh , but under these circumstances and yours this yr , and more kids to boot . Hope the wkend brings you some reprieve and you and m can be together for a bit.

    rx

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  23. randomx
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    3349 posts
    6 September 2021 in reply to randomx

    Gf's going over to her sons for two wks to help out with the baby. So with everything going on for her and now her being there awhile , we probably won't talk much she's gonna be sooooooo stressed. Since she was there last their relationship went sour again and she was already having trouble with his w as it was.

    The son is going through major stuff with Covid related work things so his been at home with a very cranky wifey pressures, bills , new baby pressures , work pressures and lock downs. Poor gf is worried sick about how it will go. But he asked if she could and she wants to help if she can. His w doesn't exactly not like her as such she just gets very territorial with the family the house the kitchen the baby. She's also gone gf thinks post natal and is just in a foul mood 24 7 too.

    Soooooo, the poor things gonna have her hands full. l just hope they treat her well and look after her , she can't take anymore right now.

    rx

    1 person found this helpful
  24. randomx
    randomx avatar
    3349 posts
    9 September 2021 in reply to randomx

    Feeling pretty nowhere , alone, pointless, possible incoming rant.

    This thing with gf is so all over the place and so nowhere , living like this apart, so not even knowing if together again even happens - it's starting to feel ridiculous, a blind faith. Feeling like we're waiting around on her and all the crap, and for who knows how much longer, and to what end.

    Although she has completely turned back to us lately and been as loving as she ever, where as even that was hard to know for awhile there,We've been talking about where to move to and all again. But it feels like she can turn on a penny at any time too, so sadly l take it grain of salt.

    Seems , cm is waiting more yrs for kids and sis's and family crapola and properties, and wondering where it's all gonna go. Em , l'm not sure what you guys plans are but from memory they're a few yrs away yet too. And l'm on hold with some half in half out to when does it end what am l doing thing.

    We could've been living all this life together, she wanted too, persisted with me, even came up and back in the middle of covid 3times for me, us. l'm certainly getting my pay back aren't l. We probably won't talk until she comes back from her sons, so l suppose l could call it time to think.

    To think about the future you imagine both scenarios so in this case , us , or no us , or starting again,l couldn't imagine. Especially someone new , or even close to things so important to me about us and about gf and why l'm here persisting myself now. Besides. l'm living like a hermit, how would l even meet anyone new anyway. Mind you l do get out and around a lot though through the day. But you think about the whole picture, yaknow.

    l think, so maybe l met someone of English native or even Australian , maybe she drives too haha, things would be sooooo different to gf and l, how would that be ? l can't even imagine it tbh, nor even bothering. l suffered grass is greener a lot in younger days. No l never played around really but at times it was hard being married ha, now l can't even imagine anyone else.

    We still say and did the just other night again, we just can't see anyone else, only us. And she said if her stuff doesn't work out she'd stay alone forever bc she doesn't want anyone else. Normally and this has been my whole life, lf l can't see something , it means it's not gonna happen and it's deadly accurate. Well l can't see anyone else, but will this go on forever? Maybe this time l'm wrong.

    rx

  25. CMF
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    CMF avatar
    9224 posts
    10 September 2021 in reply to randomx

    Aaaaahh gees,

    You are in a tough situation. I really don't think you're ready to move on. Yes. I'm waiting, waiting, things to be sorted, but at least we see each other.

    I know you had your chance but you weren't ready, too soon. You weren't to know it would end up like this. Don't beat yourself up.

    Normally in this situation I'd say maybe it's not meant to be, but maybe there's another reason it's playing out like this. What concerns me is hoe you mention she changes at the drop of a hat. Not wanting to meet anyone else is OK too. It's OK to move on and not be ready to be with anyone else. Have time to come to terms with your loss & sadness.

    Oh dear, it is tricky. Wish I had more solid advice. Only you can decide what's best.

    Big hugs

    Cmf x

    1 person found this helpful
  26. randomx
    randomx avatar
    3349 posts
    10 September 2021 in reply to CMF

    Thanks cm. And yeah , must be unreal being so close and on hand , forget what that feels like tbh, must be nice though.

    Not much anyone can say l know , just getting it out of my head. lt's a decision . lt has worried me too changing so easily but every time l think of things em described and gf is in exactly the same frame sooooo , l dunno.

    Don't worry no one round that would even remotely interest l'm only meaning much much later if that side of things, yrs maybe, certainly wouldn't be jumping back into anything anytime soon. Still couldn't see it though.

    Just life though really , suppose if l decided to drop this , life goes on right . l'd probably make totally different moving plans too if it not gonna be with gf, very different.

    Not meant to be yeah, maybe , l wonder. Most wouldn't have the stuff these days to ride it out the way we have . Or maybe it is and that's why we don't let it go, who bloody knows. l don't have to be bothering, well apart from feelings . l had the heart l could dump it all right now say ok call me when your done we'll see where we're both at then. Have talked about it , but we really don't want to, if it's us we want then we wanna ride it out not break up in the middle of it.

    At the same time it'd be understandable if one of us wanted too and if things don't come up in Dec l'd be seriously considering where to from there.

    rx

    1 person found this helpful
  27. jtjt_4862
    Valued Contributor
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    jtjt_4862 avatar
    353 posts
    12 September 2021 in reply to randomx

    Heya rx,

    Sorry to hear you're struggling at the moment with gf. Living apart from each other while still in love, but circumstances preventing you two being together, and the uncertainty of what the future would be like (ie. your gf's situation, what do you want).

    Since you mention about "riding it out", I was wondering if this feeling of "riding it out", may be from what you learned from your previous relationship; where you felt things would've worked out if you had rode things out with her? I had a thought about this concept of "riding it out", and feels like by "riding it out", we're staying still and waiting. It prevents us from moving forward with life, from what we truly want to do, from accepting any change that comes into our lives. Without change, there is no growth, and without growth we become stale.

    I can't say whether riding it out, or letting her go, is the right answer. But will be thinking about ya, hoping you have the strength, courage, and confidence to do what you feel is right for the both of you in your current situation.

    Jt

    1 person found this helpful
  28. randomx
    randomx avatar
    3349 posts
    12 September 2021 in reply to jtjt_4862

    Hi jt , thanks for dropping in.

    But nah , it's about us and who we are, which is very rare , and of course love, feelings. Skimmed it a bit through the thread. Decision though yeah l mean we can't go on indefinitely like this , sorta already talked or probably ranted haha about all that too but yeah , l'll have to see. Nothin to do with ex though and don't worry l've had more change through my life than 10 people.

    How you doin anyway , your giving off a stronger feel lately which is nice to see , no murmurs from the ex ?

    rx

    1 person found this helpful
  29. Makin a change
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Makin a change  avatar
    3 posts
    13 September 2021 in reply to randomx

    Hey rx,

    As long as your partner knows how you feel about her is truly what's important here, being apart and separated from our loved ones is a consequence of outside forces at the moment, (it will not last!).And there are a few things that we can do for ourselves in this moment to make this situation feel less of a cycle of suffering and longing to one of incredible growth and insight. If we are willing step back, take a deep breath and look within, with no judgement or expectations with the situation can reveal a lot about what lays ahead, BUT you have to look at it with complete understanding honesty and compassion, honest for how things came to be, understanding for there could be many underlying obstacles at hand, and compassion towards those involved especially for ourselves, because as you know we can't control what's happening outside and around us( in this crazy world) at the moment let alone how someone else maybe feeling no matter how much we are desperate for that connection and togetherness . I say this because I too was in this situation, only my other didn't come back and that's ok, I wish her all the Happyness and abundance in the world I truly do , giving love to the situation without an outcome that benefitted me was only the way forward, and I am so grateful for the experiences we shared and have grown as person 100 fold because of it. Giving love compassion and understanding to all involved is all you can do like you said its blind faith but faith is what's needed.

    I wish you all the best my friend with all my heart, and hope these words help.

    Mak it happin.

    1 person found this helpful
  30. jtjt_4862
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    jtjt_4862 avatar
    353 posts
    13 September 2021 in reply to randomx

    Hi rx,

    Yeah, I read your rant. Glad you're still sharing your side of things, I find that it really helps a lot when there's a lot going through our minds.

    Unfortunately no words from ex on my end, has been for 3 months, and there's nothing I can do about it. There are still good days (where my mind is occupied with other things), while some days are the bad days (slight grief and sadness from the loss, throw in some irritation and anger), I feel I'm handling it better these days than before though. It's as you said before, it's hard to let go of someone whom I love so deeply, and I've accepted that these feelings will remain in me for a long time (or probably forever). So will just learn to live with it. Love is an internal feeling within myself, and the person whom I love won't know how much I love them anyways.

    On the bright side, I feel I've grown a lot as a person, comparing to how I was in the past few years. The whole "Treat life with curiosity and not conviction" has helped me see things from perspectives that my past self wouldn't have thought about, and I'm quite happy with it as I get to learn and keep growing. House is also ready to be moved into, so will have to start arranging the move soon :). iirc, your home is ready to be sold as well? Or is there still work to be done?

    Jt

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