Feeling pretty nowhere , alone, pointless, possible incoming rant.
This thing with gf is so all over the place and so nowhere , living like this apart, so not even knowing if together again even happens - it's starting to feel ridiculous, a blind faith. Feeling like we're waiting around on her and all the crap, and for who knows how much longer, and to what end.
Although she has completely turned back to us lately and been as loving as she ever, where as even that was hard to know for awhile there,We've been talking about where to move to and all again. But it feels like she can turn on a penny at any time too, so sadly l take it grain of salt.
Seems , cm is waiting more yrs for kids and sis's and family crapola and properties, and wondering where it's all gonna go. Em , l'm not sure what you guys plans are but from memory they're a few yrs away yet too. And l'm on hold with some half in half out to when does it end what am l doing thing.
We could've been living all this life together, she wanted too, persisted with me, even came up and back in the middle of covid 3times for me, us. l'm certainly getting my pay back aren't l. We probably won't talk until she comes back from her sons, so l suppose l could call it time to think.
To think about the future you imagine both scenarios so in this case , us , or no us , or starting again,l couldn't imagine. Especially someone new , or even close to things so important to me about us and about gf and why l'm here persisting myself now. Besides. l'm living like a hermit, how would l even meet anyone new anyway. Mind you l do get out and around a lot though through the day. But you think about the whole picture, yaknow.
l think, so maybe l met someone of English native or even Australian , maybe she drives too haha, things would be sooooo different to gf and l, how would that be ? l can't even imagine it tbh, nor even bothering. l suffered grass is greener a lot in younger days. No l never played around really but at times it was hard being married ha, now l can't even imagine anyone else.
We still say and did the just other night again, we just can't see anyone else, only us. And she said if her stuff doesn't work out she'd stay alone forever bc she doesn't want anyone else. Normally and this has been my whole life, lf l can't see something , it means it's not gonna happen and it's deadly accurate. Well l can't see anyone else, but will this go on forever? Maybe this time l'm wrong.