Lot of thoughts lately on everything , of course.
But am l leaving my life ours if we're gonna have one into just her hands and constant whatever it is the next day, or the next ?
As beautiful a wkend as we've had emotionally but also especially with the talk of back to a real us and maybe her moving back down , houses and stuff , like what was the original plan in the first place if her court cases were successful. But l feel like l need my walls up again and after all this time l'm still having trouble trusting it. Tomorrow or next wk , there'll be something else or it all just turns again and again we're back to circles.
It's hard to explain but she's still pretty messy you see, finally through her cases but no rest no just back to life bc she didn't have one up there left, nothing, money,place, work, nothing. Then the rallies turned up, so there's been no recovery or even rest it was ok out of the pan but straight into the fires after that. So she's doing better but still not in good shape so we can't just talk about what's next as you normally would and clear it up, make a decision. Well , put it this way , l don't feel l can ask that of her just yet.
But it's getting to a time l found a way, somehow , instead of waiting on whatever she just wakes up to next. l mean l do try have right through but very gently bc she just hasn't been up to it earlier.
l'm worried it'll still be too much for her though and push her away.