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Topic: living alone

  1. CMF
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    9224 posts
    24 March 2022 in reply to randomx
    I hear you, loud & clear. Sis was meant to move in temporarily. 3 & 1/2 years & 3 boyfriends later she's still there with no end in sight😒
    1 person found this helpful
  2. randomx
    randomx avatar
    3349 posts
    24 March 2022

    Yeahhhh, and m being so m that's pretty well the equivalent of our English and Cultural being a different language at times. Bloody frustrating hey. When l say lines here she's said , sometimes they are as l've said but usually that's more like just the oz translation haha.

    We must've met about the same time as you two actually but l dunno. l know l've been saying it12mths here but times bloody rolling on and now this Sydney thing, l just need to know where l'm at once and for all.

    rx

    1 person found this helpful
  3. randomx
    randomx avatar
    3349 posts
    27 March 2022

    Not feeling too positive about things atm.

    Can't really go into things here but not only stuff over the wkend and also some things resurfacing with stuff said coming out.

    On the stuff though , it's big shyt , very big , yet more of it after yrs of the damn visa and court stuff. lt's not her fault or her sons , they're actually trying to help family from a terrible situation os. But l just don't have much left after everything else l've tried to do and be there and l've had my own big stuff too.

    Don't get me wrong , she's one of the most giving and kindest people you'd ever meet , even at her lowest point this last few yrs . lt's just that my giving needed is only really a fraction of what she's needed and now still needing.

    ldk if it's right or wrong but l've been holding back a bit lately on too much forthcoming support bc it can't just all be about me being a sponge for her problems. She's gotta start handling whatever she gets herself into herself , surely.

    rx

    1 person found this helpful
  4. CMF
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    27 March 2022 in reply to randomx

    There's a saying...you can't pour from an empty cup.

    It's all good, & we'll to support someone but it can't be all one way. OT will drain you & yes, there needs to be a point where she needs to deal with things herself.

    Gees, it just never ends for you 😔

  5. randomx
    randomx avatar
    3349 posts
    27 March 2022

    Oh crikeyyyyy.

    That's what l've been feeling to and your not the only friend to be pointing that out atm either. And this is what l'm getting at, l'm worried it will never end. Even this new relative situation, it could go on another yr or two yet now it's only the very very beginning of their dramas, and there might be more relatives coming.

    l'm actually having second thoughts about going back up atm , bc none of this stuff will be going anywhere now it's a whole nother thing all over again. lt's not her thing , it was her son that brought them over, but she says she must help , she can't not , and of course l get that but man.

    rx

    1 person found this helpful
  6. CMF
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    28 March 2022 in reply to randomx

    There is just no peace for you guys. When do you get to be just you. It's the same with me but in a different way.

    If these relatives come over is she going to be busy with them all the time. Translating, looking for a home, looking after them?

    I'm sorry but sounds like her dramas never end you're just expected to go with it.

    I know the feeling 😕

  7. randomx
    randomx avatar
    3349 posts
    28 March 2022

    Yep , l'm afraid so . The 2 already here she'll have to help with and it won't be any quick fix either. lt's a bit embarrassing l know but half the threads been all about her stuff but what can l say, l'm really starting to question thing's though.

    And l know , reading yours last night , all the stuff you's did over the wkend , living basically up the road from ea other , l mean l know you have your own battles with stuff happening. But the rest of it is basically how it would typically be if l look at all my crazy though , man. l thought we were there finally. She's even realizing it's just not practical staying there or me moving up and we've been talking about other areas down this way again.

    But now all this !

    l mean every couple is going to go through some yrs of supporting thing at some point and if it hasn't happened yet it will , that's life. But surely considering this last 2yrs for us , me , enough is enough for at least now.

    1 person found this helpful
  8. randomx
    randomx avatar
    3349 posts
    28 March 2022

    Not feeling too positive unfortunately , l don't even know whether to still go up again right now after the wkends stuff and this new outlook . And if the other relatives come too none of this will be going anywhere for yrs.

    That cups empty , it's time for some us , and life.

    1 person found this helpful
  9. randomx
    randomx avatar
    3349 posts
    28 March 2022

    Well , decided l will still go and we can talk and think after that. Thing is , there has been one positive this last wk or so she's realizing it's just too hard up there and how it'd be ridiculous for me to giving up my setup here for that. We've even been talking areas down this way if l sold this place which was the original plan.

    Just thinking out loud atm but if we aren't living up there maybe all this stuff will blow over before long for us anyway bc she'd be in another state.

    1 person found this helpful
  10. CMF
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    28 March 2022 in reply to randomx

    That's a good point rx. When she's removed from the situation it may be different. Bit like when sis isn't around M & I can be us.

    It's good that she's realising Sydney is not a good option. Hopefully the trip will give you some clarity.

    1 person found this helpful
  11. randomx
    randomx avatar
    3349 posts
    28 March 2022

    Haaa thks my friend.

    Funny though yep sis and your sitch came to mind.

    But yeah it should l think make a huge difference and she doesn't wanna even be around the particular family that's probably also coming to anyway, so another state could solve a few things.

    Great piece of advice to and thanks for that too and nah l'm not pushing bc you are right and now she's dumped into this new stuff on top of it.Funnily enough though most of the area things been coming from her. l am feeling very time conscious though just keeping it to myself atm and mulling it all over very seriously myself.

    Tbh , l don't even know if we're still suited shame but last trip was so short and tired but l still noticed a lot of changes and this one would only be short to damn it we need a few wks.

    rx

    1 person found this helpful
  12. randomx
    randomx avatar
    3349 posts
    1 April 2022

    Unfortunately my next trip back up to hers is off it's just a bad time right now for us both really, l bloody knew it. lt felt weird as l was saying right here earlier and there ya go.

    Sadly though, that's not all and there's more to those feelings of weirdness that go right back with our situation and so here l go again. l always knew but the trouble is with these feelings l get l sometimes just don't know if they're right until after the fact, especially with something so big. l should've excepted a long time ago in my life though that they are usually 99 times out of 100 spot on and sadly, l just don't think there's anything we can do, with US !

    She's not only still just all over the shop, not about us as such or me, on that she's solid but just her end and her family and being up there. She' just says well we'll just wait, we can wait. Trouble is, nearly 3yrs now since her court stuff came up and 13mths completely long distance. But now after all that really she could do more about us now but that'd mean moving down to mine again well. Those relatives are only very young and straight of the plane from a war torn country, with nothing, not even English. She can't just turn her back on them or her son and with helping getting them get restarted here but that'll take a yr at least maybe more yet. l mean it's understandable but again, where's that leave us? l can't see any way and she's so unreliable with her ideas and any plans that l can't just leave my life on the line forever.

    rx

    1 person found this helpful
  13. CMF
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    1 April 2022 in reply to randomx

    I hear you. I feel your pain. I don't think I could do it. You've put your life, your happiness on hold for so long.

    When does it end?

    1 person found this helpful
  14. randomx
    randomx avatar
    3349 posts
    1 April 2022

    l know, your spot on.

    But you know what, l wonder lately if it ever ends for her. A lot of her life's been just as chaotic bc she moved countries a few times on the way to here and the poor thing she even admits, just never seems to get any stroke of luck.

    ln a lot of it through no fault of her own though apart from having a huge heart, she just seems to attract drama and bad luck. Some people are just like that , she admits she doesn't think she'll ever have peace.

    rx

  15. randomx
    randomx avatar
    3349 posts
    1 April 2022

    So yeah , unfortunately l'd probably end up going through just more of the same and waiting forever. lt just comes out of the woodwork and just keeps coming. Maybe l should've let her move in 2yrs ago the way she wanted. Going back to Sydney for her courts which she could've transferred down to here if l'd had let her, changed everything.

    rx

    1 person found this helpful
  16. CMF
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    1 April 2022 in reply to randomx

    You're so right. Some people just attract drama. I have afriend, married with 3 kids. There is ALWAYS something happening. Someone sick, someone injured, something going on with kids, something with relatives. It does my head in. Everytime we speak there is so.ething happening.

    It's not their fault,but it just never ends.

    1 person found this helpful
  17. randomx
    randomx avatar
    3349 posts
    1 April 2022

    Yep , known people like that to.

    l must admit l noticed it with her day one poor thing. She'd always try so hard but not even the tiniest thing would ever go her way and the craziest things would just turn to complete crap.

    l actually use to worry about it quite a bit tbh.

    rx

    1 person found this helpful
  18. randomx
    randomx avatar
    3349 posts
    2 April 2022

    We hardly got any time to talk when l was there last but she's talking about all this sydney stuff and the rallies and l said but baby where does that leave us that's the problem , after all this time.

    She said we could do long distance for another yr, at least we still have ea other, we're all life, what's another yr. l mean l love the spirit and sacrifice not many would be willing to wait even longer these days or even talk like that. lt's all me me these days.

    But the problem is, ok , another yr , l could go up and back for another yr, but l don't trust it. Next there'll be another and something else , just like this time. That's the problem , and it'll be years , not 1.

    1 person found this helpful
  19. randomx
    randomx avatar
    3349 posts
    2 April 2022

    Well , they say a yr is a long time in politics right , well they ain't seen nothin, they should try just 24 hrs in gf time, speaking of doing your head in. Actually l think negative talk here helps bc every time l do a rant things flip again.

    Anyway we've had the most classic day of convo. lt surely must be some sort of sign the fact that we just never quite get over the line with calling this a day once and for all. Butttt, maybe these lyrics aren't finished yet.

    Yesterday, something else happened and she probably won't even need to help the relatives after all now. She attracts complete flips just as much as dramas haha. One thing lead to another next minute we're talking all kinds of her moving back here or selling the house going somewhere else and this that and the other.

    You see, this is where l go wrong. How many times have things just turned on a penny and l allow myself to get sucked back in. But then there's another flip or drama or something.

  20. randomx
    randomx avatar
    3349 posts
    2 April 2022

    Actually or is that a day is a long time in politics ? She could be a great pollie actually she'd stand there all day long talking to reporters and still not tell them one damn thing.

    1 person found this helpful
  21. randomx
    randomx avatar
    3349 posts
    4 April 2022

    Lot of thoughts lately on everything , of course.

    But am l leaving my life ours if we're gonna have one into just her hands and constant whatever it is the next day, or the next ?

    As beautiful a wkend as we've had emotionally but also especially with the talk of back to a real us and maybe her moving back down , houses and stuff , like what was the original plan in the first place if her court cases were successful. But l feel like l need my walls up again and after all this time l'm still having trouble trusting it. Tomorrow or next wk , there'll be something else or it all just turns again and again we're back to circles.

    It's hard to explain but she's still pretty messy you see, finally through her cases but no rest no just back to life bc she didn't have one up there left, nothing, money,place, work, nothing. Then the rallies turned up, so there's been no recovery or even rest it was ok out of the pan but straight into the fires after that. So she's doing better but still not in good shape so we can't just talk about what's next as you normally would and clear it up, make a decision. Well , put it this way , l don't feel l can ask that of her just yet.

    But it's getting to a time l found a way, somehow , instead of waiting on whatever she just wakes up to next. l mean l do try have right through but very gently bc she just hasn't been up to it earlier.

    l'm worried it'll still be too much for her though and push her away.

    rx

  22. CMF
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    4 April 2022 in reply to randomx

    Great question rx,

    If I look back I think you are leaving it in her hands. You are constantly writing for dramas to end, then not able to discuss anything cos she's not up to it? It appears she's happy for you to just wait while she sorts out drama after drama.

    Question...has she acknowledged that you've waited patiently for so long & thanked you? Is it both of you keeping communication going or do you instigate cos she's too busy, wrapped up in other stuff? Do you see her being able to let go of constant drama & settling down with you? Will she bring the drama with her? Will that be your life with her, constant drama?

    Sorry, questions not question.

    Cmf

    2 people found this helpful
  23. randomx
    randomx avatar
    3349 posts
    4 April 2022

    Thanks for that cm

    Your right l think l have been. lt's just dawning on me all over again now this last few wks with yet more twists and turns from her end that it's always her and whatever drama on the day or wk, and it's time l did something.

    But yeah with us and keeping things going she's probably more than me actually no worries about that it's not one sided or l would've been out. Acknowledging my end yeah, she has, sometimes it is like she just doesn't realize the bigness of me still being here though. You see that one's tricky, l wouldn't let er move in earlier but she's still sort of waited around for me to all this time to.

    Anyway, l'm feeling like this could go on forever and it's time l put it on the table .

    ps , on her financial and situation in general , she does still have her place back in Portugal she's just waited on the court case outcomes but she is free to sell that now. At least that's something.

  24. CMF
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    4 April 2022 in reply to randomx

    Yeah, you have a point re her waiting around when you didn't want to move in yet. Then again, she was stuck in Sydney with her stuff going on. If that wasn't the case, would she have waited? The drama...would do my head in, as you know. It's like me going to M's & having to listen to sis all the time. It's so damn draining.

    Sorry, being brutally honest here.

  25. randomx
    randomx avatar
    3349 posts
    4 April 2022

    Nah not at all , honest away , think l need a bit of a kick atm.

    First up yeah, drama, hmmm. She says there's never peace, but eh, l can hope haha. Anyway, we had a good chat tonight and she says she can handle it now bc everything these days is actually pretty light to her now compared to those damn court cases and the last yr or two, so at least that's a start. And yeah she would've waited, she still does, is, she'd even rather we just did long distance if there's no other solution , than split. Even if just a few times a yr.

    Trouble is, for me, we're still no where, l dunno wth to do with it.

    1 person found this helpful
  26. CMF
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    5 April 2022 in reply to randomx

    She's told you what she wants what she can do. How she wants it to be?

    What do you want? What can you do? How do you want it to be?

    Be really honest with yourself. What sort of relationship can you handle?

  27. randomx
    randomx avatar
    3349 posts
    5 April 2022

    Yeah.

    l mean we both want the same thing,it's just that if worst case scenario and we couldn't agree on something , she'd still like to keep us going any which way. Me on the hand, not so keen on the any which way part. Not at this stage.

    l'm gonna have to make a decision and if we part , maybe things change down the track and we talk again later some time and work it out, or maybe we move on. That happened to one of my other brothers, they were apart 2 1/2yrs. Been married 30yrs since, all worked out-who knows.

    rx

    1 person found this helpful
  28. randomx
    randomx avatar
    3349 posts
    5 April 2022

    There is a lot more to it for her l can't talk about here,family and financial stuff though in short. lt's not all just oh l don't wanna move.

    Funny thing about that brother though, they were living in NSW and Vic back then apart too.

    1 person found this helpful
  29. CMF
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    6 April 2022 in reply to randomx

    It could be a matter of timing just like your brother.

    I do believe if it's meant to be it'll be when time is right. It's good to hear you want the same things at least. It's hard when there's other things to navigate.

    I know all about that too.

    1 person found this helpful
  30. randomx
    randomx avatar
    3349 posts
    6 April 2022

    Yeah maybe! We want the same things have right through. Neither of us can feel or imagine anyone else and l'm thinking a good break right now might bring realizations and perspectives back and time for things to sort out.

    l think it's different if 2 people part for awhile due to circumstances, like my brothers situation. But at any rate, it'll either make us or break us, l can't go on in limbo like this any longer though.

    rx.

    1 person found this helpful

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