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Forums / Relationship and family issues / Looking for others experiences talking to loved ones about your mental health?

Topic: Looking for others experiences talking to loved ones about your mental health?

  1. Jack2021
    Jack2021 avatar
    97 posts
    1 February 2021
    Hi guys,

    I've been a part of these forums for a few days now, but I feel already its making a huge difference in my management and recovery of severe depression, stress and anxiety.

    Without rambling or going in depth of my own issues which isn't my aim of this thread I guess, I was wondering what opinions, advice, and/or experience all of you have had in regards to talking to friends, family, and loved ones about your mental health?

    For me, even though I have suffered from depression about 6 months now, it has been very slow and gradual, however becoming quite severe and debilitating since around Xmas and new years of 2020/2021, lots of feelings of hopelessness, lots of sadness, lots of tears, no suicidal thoughts thankfully, but just a general lack of desire and passion to live life.

    My parents, 2 close friends, and wonderful girlfriend of 6 months are really the only people who have known about it, though since last week I am trying to get as much help and support as I can from others, with my counselling finally resuming next week, and enrolling myself in a online mental health well being program that is set to start this week hopefully.

    One of my recent major concerns is with my girlfriend, I have the closest relationship with her than anyone else, and trust her the most, therefore I share a lot of my troubles with her, which I am so worried about, as I don't want it to be pulling her down or worsening her mood, as I have already seen it happen twice the past 2 weeks, when I was dealing with very severe anxiety and depression and breaking down quite a lot, it did affect her wellbeing seeing me like that

    As a result of this, as much as I'd love her support, I think I'm better off not telling her so much and instead talking to my counsellor and the forums here, as much as It pains me to do so...she is the most wonderful girl and is so supportive and mentally strong, but I can see it is affecting her talking about and trying to help with my issues...

    Have other people been in similar situations here? I have tried looking for other threads with this sort of topic, but came up with nothing, would love to hear from you guys 😊
  2. Emmen
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
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    Emmen avatar
    390 posts
    1 February 2021 in reply to Jack2021

    Hello Jack2021,

    It definitely affects our loved ones when we talk about our mental health, but I'm of the opinion that it's best to talk about it than to keep it to yourself. Your girlfriend is probably better off knowing why your mood is low, or why you seem a little different than usual instead of being left in the dark if you didn't speak to her about how you're doing.

    I've found that it helps when you tell your loved ones how they can help you as well, even if all you want is a listening ear. If your counsellor suggests some exercises, you can also get your girlfriend's help to encourage you to do these exercises, even when you don't feel like doing it. By doing this, you can prevent her from feeling too powerless in not knowing how she can help you.

    Lastly, do share your successes with her as well. If you feel like your anxiety and depression are slowly getting better, tell her about that change. She'll feel happier too, knowing that you're recovering.

    Kindly,
    M

  3. Missing user
    Missing user avatar
    1 February 2021 in reply to Jack2021

    Whenever I talk to anyone apart from my parents (who try their best & support me as much as they can), I just get pushed away, called depressing & negative, etc. Like nobody cares. Even people who deal with mental illnesses themselves. Even helplines don't help me, & Psychologists.

    But that's just my experience. I'm glad you have supportive people like your girlfriend. We're supportive on here too, we're here for you.

  4. Jack2021
    Jack2021 avatar
    97 posts
    1 February 2021 in reply to Emmen
    Hi Emmen,

    Thank you so much for the advice and your point of view, I see what you mean exactly, though she definitely isn't being left in the dark, or not knowing what is going on, I've told her exactly what's going on so much of the time and she knows me so well already, she can usually tell when my mood is not so well and when I'm feeling pretty low.

    My problem comes when I'm talking to her all the time I guess, and it makes me feel horrible seeing her down because I'm down, and It made me feel like the worst person in the world hearing her cry over the phone, after a weekend of being me in a severely depressed state that I had no control over :(

    I feel I am getting better slowly though, and your advice in sharing my successes is something I want to do when it happens hopefully, like just yesterday, for the first time in months waking up not feeling totally depressed was a pretty good feeling 😊

    Thanks so much 😊😊
  5. Jack2021
    Jack2021 avatar
    97 posts
    1 February 2021 in reply to Missing user
    Hi mb20lover!

    I was meaning to thank you already before for the very kind welcome post you gave me in the mudcakes' first thread 😊

    I was meaning to reply, but then the thread got locked/closed, so yeahhhh ...😱😱
    I actually had written something for you in the continuation of that thread 😂😂 long story short I just wanted to acknowledge and thank you for the nice words before 😊

    Anyway back to on here, I'm so sorry to hear about your experiences, it absolutely sucks to hear about that, and I've even experienced that a bit years and years back, not when I was actually depressed, but more I was just very sad for a while and going through a tough time, some people told me hurtful things like "snap out of it" or "stop being depressed, get over it" , things like that...some people are just mean I guess...so I know exactly what that feels like....

    Thank you so much for the kind words, I really appreciate it, and I hope you know myself (and the whole forum I'm sure) will be supportive and here for you too 😊
    1 person found this helpful
  6. Missing user
    Missing user avatar
    2 February 2021 in reply to Jack2021

    Hi Jack, sorry I didn't reply sooner, I only just found your thread again, my bad.

    Thanks for thanking me for welcoming you on Mudcakes' thread, and you're welcome for me welcoming you. Thanks for the kind words too, it means a lot and I appreciate it. I say the same about you, good things of course. Thank you for understanding, I'm here to support you as much as I can too.

  7. Jack2021
    Jack2021 avatar
    97 posts
    3 February 2021 in reply to Missing user
    No worries at all mb 😊 I find this site is a bit difficult to navigate sometimes, and to keep track of threads, so I know the struggle is real! 😂

    Glad to hear 😊😊 just wanted to acknowledge you and say the kind words were definately seen and appreciated, both there and here 😊

    Thank you for the support and understanding too, it means a lot 😊😊
    1 person found this helpful
  8. Missing user
    Missing user avatar
    3 February 2021 in reply to Jack2021

    Hey Jack.

    Yeah the site can be difficult sometimes, we don't have notifications on here so you can just go to "my threads" and the ones you've started and commented on will come up. And "new threads" to see new ones obviously.

    And you're welcome, thanks again.

  9. Jack2021
    Jack2021 avatar
    97 posts
    3 February 2021 in reply to Missing user
    Hi mb 😊

    Ahhh yes I only just found out about this feature yesterday and it's been super helpful! way easier than looking at my threads from my profile haha - I only ever go on here from my phone, so I have no clue what the desktop experience is like 😂

    You're welcome and thank you too 😊😊
    1 person found this helpful
  10. Jack2021
    Jack2021 avatar
    97 posts
    3 February 2021
    Update:

    Current mood: depressed, anxious, sad, helpless, alone and extremely guilty above all else I guess..

    I have been doing well the past few days, but I was under no impression that I was over this...I know that it's going to take a lot for me to be back to 100%, and the best I can do is try to be a bit better, day by day..

    Basically I unintentionally hurt the feelings of a loved one very deeply, I told them how I felt, as gently as I could, yet I could see the hurt that was in their eyes, for the rest of the night and this morning even.

    How do we speak to people we love without hurting them? How do we tell others we are in pain without causing them pain? How do we tell others their behaviour is hurting us without hurting them??

    I apologize for the vagueness....not a good day I guess... :(
  11. Missing user
    Missing user avatar
    3 February 2021 in reply to Jack2021
    Sorry to hear that Jack. Thinking of you
    1 person found this helpful
  12. sunnyl20
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    sunnyl20 avatar
    208 posts
    3 February 2021 in reply to Jack2021

    Hey Jack,

    I am really sorry to hear you have been struggling so much and have had a bit of a crap day. It sounds like the past few months have been pretty intense and exhausting. You are right, it will take a lot of time, energy and effort to move forward, and there will be bumps along the way, but it sounds like you have some great support around you, and the motivation to change - the weight of depression will pull you down, but hold on to those strengths and do what you can to keep yourself grounded. Isolating and withdrawing from others can sometimes feel like the only/best option, especially when you are feeling down in yourself, but reaching out, and getting support will help you so much more in the long term.

    Talking with loves ones can be so difficult - please know that you are not alone in this, it is especially challenging when you feel upset and hopeless about the situation. Unfortunately it is not always possible to tell loved ones what is happening (whether that is a physical, emotional or mental struggle) without it being painful. Do you feel that this person was intentionally hurting you with their behaviour, or do you think they did not realise? It can be such a difficult conversation to have. Would it be worth talking to your counsellor about this? They may be able to help you with this.

    Also, please know, you don't need to apologise for being vague - you can give as little or as much detail as you feel comfortable. Sometimes it is a relief to just talk/vent and get things off your chest, whatever that looks like for you :) We are here to listen and support you.

    Take care.

    1 person found this helpful
  13. Jack2021
    Jack2021 avatar
    97 posts
    3 February 2021 in reply to Missing user
    Thank you so much mb, it means a lot to hear that 😊
    1 person found this helpful
  14. Jack2021
    Jack2021 avatar
    97 posts
    3 February 2021 in reply to sunnyl20
    Hi sunny,
    Thank you so much for the kind words and understanding, yes they certainly have been, I have faced sadness, anxiety, and stress many times before in the past which I am so lucky resolved itself, but this is by far the longest, hardest, deepest depression of my entire life so far.
    I am lucky enough to have realised last week or the week before just as you say, that reaching out and doing as much as I can is the key to improving this...I've isolated and withdrawn a lot the past few months, and it's done so much harm...

    Thank you so much for your understanding, yes, talking and opening up that dialogue has been one of the hardest things for me, admitting I have been suffering and continue to suffer from depression...despite a good run of a few days, today was a very real wake up call, that yes, this condition I have is Real, and that I still need all the support I can get

    Well this person.... (my partner) ...I know it was completely unintentional on her part, but me being open and telling her how I felt ( ignored, sad and alone ) about her certain behavior, well it hurt her very deeply, much much more deeply than I ever thought it would have, which really hurt me seeing how much I hurt her......so that triggered a lot of my anxiety and depression all right back to all of today ...

    it is something I'd love to talk to my counsellor about, except I'm not seeing my counsellor until next week, and i see my partner this weekend....so while it's something I'd love to talk about right now, it seems it will be something I talk about in hindsight, regardless of if we fix or ignore the problem, or what damage it causes to either of us emotionally.

    Thank you so much 😊 to be honest I like to give as much detail as I can, as I find it helps me cope and recover better, however I still have to be mindful of my own and others privacy and personal matters I guess

    Thank you so much sunny, your post really means a lot 😊
  15. Missing user
    Missing user avatar
    3 February 2021 in reply to Jack2021

    You're welcome Jack.

    Sorry my replies are a bit slow at times, I have so many threads I've commented on so I get caught up with them all, plus trying to comment on new ones haha.

    1 person found this helpful
  16. Jack2021
    Jack2021 avatar
    97 posts
    3 February 2021 in reply to Missing user
    Thanks mb 😊

    No worries at all, I completely understand how it is 😊😊

    I have times where I have slow replies too, and I am sure I will have times where I miss a day or two on here. (Weekends for example possibly)....I only seem to be on here so much recently, because it truly seems to be helping me soooo much with my anxiety and depression, reaching out and talking to others, having support and giving support, it makes me feel normal again somehow, it makes me feel connected and not totally depressed like I have been for so long..

    so yeah all coool 😊😊
    1 person found this helpful
  17. Missing user
    Missing user avatar
    3 February 2021 in reply to Jack2021

    Thanks Jack.

    I'm really glad to hear it's helping you. At least this forum has understanding and kind, supportive people. Even people I know who have mental illnesses don't even seem to understand but they deal with it too, like what?

    I agree, it makes you feel less alone and connected. It would be cool to meet people in person but the anonymity is also cool.

    I go online a lot because I don't have much else to do. So called "friends" used to tell me I was online all the time. So what? They were online like 24/7 too. And how is it hurting them or anybody?

    1 person found this helpful
  18. mocha delight
    mocha delight  avatar
    551 posts
    3 February 2021 in reply to Jack2021
    Hi jack2021 I’ve tried to talk to 2 family members about my issues but both didn’t go well at all and most of my friends I used to have think I’m very negative.
  19. Jack2021
    Jack2021 avatar
    97 posts
    3 February 2021 in reply to Missing user
    No worries at all 😊😊

    Thank you, and You're exactly right, so many supportive, kind, and understanding people, sooo totally different to other forums out there
    ( ever been on yahoo answers?? Yikes 😱😱😂😂 )
    Ohhhh yes I have dealt with people like that In real life, too, but yeah some people are just nasty...

    Exactly right, I'm so glad you think the same way, Hmmm yeah it would be I guess, but the anominity is so convenient as well I do admit

    Yeah I know that mentality haha...to be honest, i don't actually go online much at all apart from this and my emails...Facebook and social media I stopped using years ago, YouTube I go on for entertainment sometimes, but everything online (YouTube included) just seems to stress me out and give me anxiety nowdays...maybe because it just feelx like this huge never ending stream of "must see videos" and "must read articles", everything is "must see", so I end up looking up things for hours, and end up totally worn out and exhausted from it...that seems the most logical explanation as to why it all stresses me out so much and gives me so much anxiety....

    Anyway I apologize for rambling...your kindness and listening ear is always appreciated 😊😊
    1 person found this helpful
  20. Jack2021
    Jack2021 avatar
    97 posts
    3 February 2021 in reply to mocha delight
    Hi mocha, damn that sucks, I'm so sorry to hear that, have you tried opening up to other family members?

    Friends can be a bit tricky to open up to this sort of thing too I think, Ive only ever told my 2 closest friends that I had depression really, though 'closest" is a very loose term... Basically they're the only two I still keep in contact with, life seems to get in the way so often it seems...
  21. Jack2021
    Jack2021 avatar
    97 posts
    4 February 2021
    Feeling a bit better today, but still struggling for motivation to function....I've taken time off work indefinitely, but am still thinking to get back to working, for health, financial , and anti boredom reasons... woken up today at 7am, but still in bed at 11am, just watching and hoping for the hours to pass by, just trying everyday to make it to 8pm so I can go to bed again, and sleep away another day.

    I really just want to be with my partner, despite our minor issues which seem to be coming up more and more, i just want to be with her and I feel like nothing else in life really matters anymore..she is loving and mostly understanding, but I know I probably drive her insane by my excessive attachment to her..

    Just even the thought of looking for jobs stresses me out and triggers my anxiety and depression...I've had a lot of bad experiences in the industry I've worked in for almost 10 years now, really wanting to shift into a different career, but the fact that its somewhat unknown is terrifying...but staying in the same industry is killing me, mentally, emotionally, and physically..I can't do jobs like that anymore...
  22. Jack2021
    Jack2021 avatar
    97 posts
    4 February 2021
    As I wrote my last post, I was realising, that even though I am saying "I feel a bit better", I have to realise I am still feeling anxious and depressed, and that this is still affecting me, and I still need to keep reaching out, and still keep trying to get support...

    I think "I feel better" compared to yesterday I guess, where I was emotionally a wreck, verging on tears all day, and being in tears a few times in the afternoon, however it has been much worse several weeks ago...there were several consecutive days where I felt completely miserable every second of the day, and simply couldn't even smile or enjoy any part of my day or my life.
    I think I am lucky that I haven't had days that bad for a few weeks now, and that I am not as bad, but I am still struggling....still not sure what to do as I'm still taking this day by day....
  23. Missing user
    Missing user avatar
    4 February 2021

    Hey Jack, sorry for my late replies. I was up early to do something then went back to sleep lol.

    Yep I've seen Yahoo answers on Google when I look some stuff up and as you said, yikes, lol.

    Yeah I get what you mean, and you're not rambling, all good.

    Sorry you've been feeling this way, we're here for you.

    Mocha - I'm sorry you've experienced that, it happens to me all the time too so I understand.

  24. Jack2021
    Jack2021 avatar
    97 posts
    4 February 2021 in reply to Missing user
    All good mb 😊😊 I know what that's like haha..but yeah super fast replies from me atm cause this helps me a lot, and also because I have been off work indefinitely...when I get back to work I'll probably be forever late at replying, but at the same time maybe not..to early to tell 😱😱😂

    But yeah not late replies from you at all 😊😊😊

    Ooohhh yeah there's some nasty ones out there haha

    Thanks 😊

    Thanks that means a lot..I seem to be on a bit of a rollercoaster the past few days, so your support and everyone here, it means a lot 😊

    How have you been coping with your mental health the past few days/weeks? I hope all is well...well as "well"as it can be..if that makes any sense....
    1 person found this helpful
  25. Missing user
    Missing user avatar
    4 February 2021 in reply to Jack2021

    Hey Jack.

    I'm glad this forum helps you, it's helped me a bit too. Good luck with work, I'm glad I can help you. You help me too, so thank you.

    Eh I struggle a lot, but I try to keep it to myself & hide it I guess. How about you?

    1 person found this helpful
  26. Jack2021
    Jack2021 avatar
    97 posts
    4 February 2021 in reply to Missing user
    Hii mb 😊

    Thats great to hear its helped you too a bit 😊 thank you so much, you help me a lot 😊 Im glad to hear Ive helped you too, youre welcome anytime 😊

    Damn that sucks.... just curious but is there a reason for that? I used to be similar to you I guess, but as Ive posted before, my depression and anxiety got so severe and debilitating that I knew I had to take drastic action...my options were either reach out and get as much support and help as I could, or do nothing and get worse, and probably start trying out anti depression medication as my last option..not that there's anything wrong with it necessarily, but I'd much rather not use medication unless I really have to...just my preference..

    But yeah that's just me of course, I totally understand where you're coming from, "wanting to keep it to yourself' is something I've done myself for years and years and years, but it was never the severe anxiety and depression that I am suffeing from now...

    Anyway I hope when the time is right for you if it feels right, you can find someone to reach out to and get support from 😊 I'm always here, and more importantly the whole community is always here too 😊😊
    1 person found this helpful
  27. Missing user
    Missing user avatar
    4 February 2021 in reply to Jack2021

    Thank you.

    I have my reasons, I can't get a Psychologist. I'm already on meds.

    Always here for you too.

  28. Jack2021
    Jack2021 avatar
    97 posts
    4 February 2021 in reply to Missing user
    You're most welcome 😊

    Ah I see, that's understandable then , ah darn, is that by choice or by another factor?
    That's completely alright too, I hope they've helped you, how long have you been on them for if you don't mind me asking??

    If you're not comfortable answering that's totally ok and understandable, I get it 😊😊
    also I hope you don't misinterpret anything I am saying here or have said before as judgemental, totally totally not judgemental 😊 medication just isn't my preference in general, I pretty much avoid all optional medication where I can -e.g. pain killers, cold and flu tablets, allergy medication, etc ,etc...if it's something I can fix naturally, I'd rather do that...actual medicines like vaccines and antibiotics on the other hand I'll take with no worries, only if I need them haha
    1 person found this helpful
  29. Missing user
    Missing user avatar
    4 February 2021 in reply to Jack2021

    The Psychologists are by another factor - they don't bulk bill, take new patients, can't help me, ugh. Then I try some and they're awful.

    I've been on meds since August 2019, had my Psychiatrist since September 2019.

    And no you're not being judgemental it's okay. For me, I went on meds because that was pretty much the only option. I've had a few & different dosages since August 2019.

    1 person found this helpful
  30. Jack2021
    Jack2021 avatar
    97 posts
    4 February 2021 in reply to Missing user
    Ahhh I see...gotcha...I totally understand that, yeah, even when I was working, and money wasn't an issue, my psychologist costs me around $60 a session I think it was...(thats After the Medicare rebate on an mhcp) so yeah...it's kind of sad that Medicare covers so much, and people can get most operations and surgeries fully covered by it (well as far as I have been told) , yet as a country, we don't extend this over to mental health and people in need of counselling...it's a bit sad I guess...

    Ah so a while but not too long in the grand scheme of things I guess 😊 I hope they are helping you though 😊

    Cool cool I'm glad 😊 because if there's 2 things I really really hate, that affect my mental health a lot as well, it's discrimination, and judgemental people...been around both and they have done me much harm, so I never want to be one of those people either

    I know what you mean there a little bit and I'm sorry to hear about it...I mean of course I don't know your exact circumstances, and I wouldn't ask because I know that is a very personal question, but to be honest, I think it was a few days before joining these forums, I was in that situation, just very very severely depressed and unable to function properly, in "crisis mode" pretty much...I was breaking down crying every moment I had alone, constantly feeling miserable every second of the day, and feeling physically sick and unwell...I felt like medication was the only option left if I didn't really try hard and give this the fight of my life to try and get better...and I was very lucky that I did get from that stage, back to a "manageable" state, and that is seriously because if getting help and support of people around me, and like I've said probably a hundred times over, from these forums, and just really kind and supportive people like yourself....as much as I ramble on and maybe don't always make perfect sense, I am so grateful for this community for existing, and for all the kind and wonderful members in it...god bless you all 😊😊
    1 person found this helpful

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