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Topic: Lost and angry

4 posts, 0 answered
  1. Fingerless
    Fingerless avatar
    1 posts
    14 May 2021
    I had a thing with a girl for a little over 4 months when she decided it was to scary, the idea of a relationship that is, so we split but still hang in the same friend group, we both still have feeling for each other that shine through sometimes but the other day she was flirting hard with another guy right in front of me and this guy was one of my new friends who wasn’t aware of what me and her had previously been, I sat there the whole night just having to watch it and hold back my tears, I had a breakdown as soon as I left that place, I feel betrayed and like I wasn’t good enough
  2. white knight
    Community Champion
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    white knight avatar
    9215 posts
    15 May 2021 in reply to Fingerless

    Hi, welcome

    Sometimes in our social circles we see things naturally and allow our feelings to flow. That isnt so healthy as you've found out.

    Firstly- your relationship with her ended. She is free to do as she pleases. I know that you know that but when it ends you should be pleased for her to move on and find love. It is a case of thinking about your friendship first and putting your own inner sadness in second place.

    She could be flirting with this guy because-

    • She believes your relationship with her ended
    • She might not realise you are still sensitive about it
    • She might not have realised you were close by
    • She might know you still hold onto feelings and she flirted as a means to tell you its over
    • other reasons

    See us humans act in strange ways sometimes. Best not to jump to conclusions. It also best to talk face to face as friends, ask her directly how she feels about you if there is a chance to get back together...better to find out and face to pain that assume things that arent there.

    Finally, sometimes people break things off and give reasons that arent accurate. Like "I'm scared" when the real reason is she didnt want it to continue.

    You might feel you are not good enough and for her maybe so, that doesnt mean you arent suitable for someone more ideal and compatible.

    There's someone for everyone, hard part is finding that person.

    TonyWK

  3. smallwolf
    Community Champion
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    smallwolf avatar
    5765 posts
    15 May 2021 in reply to Fingerless

    hi and welcome.

    when things go wrong, it is so easy to blame ourselves and to wonder what we might have done wrong to X to happen. I have done that enough myself.

    In your situation with this relationship .. you said you feel you are/were not good enough. This was become of something she believed was scary. Past experience?

    There are perhaps many reasons why she said this. Perhaps the words might not have been right words or the real reason. Perhaps they were. Hard to say. In the end, this is about her at that moment in time.

    Hard as it might be, you are certainly worth it.

    I think through your writing you still have feelings for her. Part of me suggests you have a chat with her. Part o me says th

  4. smallwolf
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    smallwolf avatar
    5765 posts
    15 May 2021 in reply to smallwolf

    (Sorry... posted too early)

    Part of me says if you have broken then to grieve. This seems more complicated by the fact that you have the same friendship group and hard to avoid seeing her.

    What do you want to happen?

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