My boyfriend & I had been living together as housemates since Feb 2019. We soon started dating and we fell faster in love due to living together and fast tracking the relationship. I've moved out due to finishing studies so I was now living 2 hours away from him since December which was a huge & hard change for us. He still has one year of study left and it is a really full on course but I was full prepared to visit him every week to two weeks and accept that there may be extremely busy periods for him where it is not possible.
I have been having some physical health problems which has affected our intimacy & thus flared up my symptoms of anxiety & depression over the last three months, without realising it I was leaning on him for a lot of my support to get through my health problems. There was a lot going on for me and I didn't have the energy to divulge it to others, so I relied on him.
Literally overnight, he realises that he’s suicidal & depressed. He was probably suppressing these thoughts to support me. I urged him to get help which he has gone and done now. However, he asked me for space. It had been 3 weeks since I saw him and I had only spoken to him a few times in that time frame. I was restless and anxious and not coping with the space. I asked if we could meet so we could make a plan going forward with what our new relationship would look like whilst he gets help. I probably also need some help to deal with my own mental illnesses too, but he has really declined. Because of how low he saw himself, he thought during our relationship that I thought he needed to be improved and that I didn't think he was good enough. Which is not true.
I think that we could be stronger together and we could help each other get help and be there while we build ourselves back up, but he believes he needs to sort his depression out on his own and find a way to love himself and build himself again. We held each others hands, crying, as we both said "I love you" to each other, and then we broke up.
I am struggling with what to do now. I am not coping. We obviously both love each other, so I can't help but hold onto the hope that when he is doing better we can be together again. Do I check up on him every now and then to see how he is going? Do I completely delete him from my life for 5 months or so and then see? He had been my rock and I feel so heartbroken and lost and I just want to be with the man I love and who loves me. But I guess, it is complicated.