My borderline personality disorder girlfriend upped and left me yesterday without warning. We had been friends for 4 years and together for 7+ months. It was her birthday last week and I made sure to make it special for her. Its my birthday this week and she upped and left before my birthday. She half did the breakup over text and half via a letter she handed to me in person. She sent the text when she knew I would be at work and I was a hysterical mess in the work bathroom on the floor. I went straight to my best friends house.
She has been very sick mentally, but I didn't see it coming. Everything was perfect last week with her birthday, I had a performance on the weekend and she was extremely supportive and even jumped on stage when I finished and kissed and hugged me in front of everyone. She then gave me a bit of the silent treatment this week, and I just assumed she was having another "episode" and gave her the space.
Next thing you know she has left me, with stupid excuses. She hadn't and wouldn't discuss what was going on for her this week or of late so I had no indication of what was going on for her. She tried to do it "humanely" but it has left me broken hearted and smashed into a million pieces. She says its because she doesn't want to hurt me anymore and its not fair on me how sick she is, but it just seems really ironic because she has hurt me incredibly by doing it.
When we first got together she idolised me and put me on a pedestal in true BPD fashion, and she then tore the rug from under me in true BPD fashion. We had so many plans and future goals, and now I'm feeling lost. I gave this relationship everything, which may have been my downfall. I read the books, set boundaries, cared for her when she was sick, gave her space when she wanted it.
My problem is separation anxiety after my mothers and fathers abandonment of me when I was younger, & then my grandmothers sudden
death two years ago, she was my best friend. I feel like my now I cannot trust and like one more person has abandoned me after the promise of eternal love and never going anywhere.
Just as I was getting
anxiety and depression under control this has happen and it now feels like 5 steps backwards. I'm trying to stay positive but its hard and my chest feels like its been pounded in, I can't eat and I just want to sleep, but when I do I'm constantly waking up and having nightmares.
Sorry, I guess I just needed to get it off my chest :( ...