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Forums / Relationship and family issues / My husband is gone and i feel like im dying

Topic: My husband is gone and i feel like im dying

6 posts, 0 answered
  1. shanny28
    shanny28 avatar
    3 posts
    29 April 2014

    We have been married 12 years we have three boys ages 13.12.7..and we have not been getting along due to his cheating and disrespect.We separated and now me and the kids are staying with my sister we had a argument and he told me he didn't want to ever talk to me or see me n.life again..Honestly I never cheated on this man Ever he has cheated so many times treat me like crap etc...Recently we argued via text BC I asked if he wanted to have the boys over and he stated he didn't want me n didn't want to deal with me he started saying the youngest son is not his BC he is darker and and how my he hates me etc...So I got upset and I did say somethings to him BC I got tired of the way he speaks to be especially since he is the one cheating and neglecting the kids and now he is upset with me for me reacting the way I did and Friday I found out our son has a bone disease and a heart conditions and I called him and asked if he can go with me to the appointments this week n he said no BC of the way I talked to him..I tried calling today he changed his number and I went to the house to ask for it he said he would call but never did.I don't know what to do now BC he has done so much to me n I have forgave him and BC I got angry and told him how I felt he feels like I'm wrong? I don't know how to let him be BC I feel if I stop chasing him he will forget about the kids what should I do?

  2. geoff
    Life Member
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
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    geoff avatar
    15552 posts
    30 April 2014 in reply to shanny28

    dear Shanny, this is really upsetting story and thanks for letting us know, and welcome to the site.

    Your husband has done the wrong thing by you.

    If he has changed is phone number then this means that he wants to disappear and have nothing to do with you or the kids, which is heartless because your son now has bone disease and a heart condition at such a young age.

    I would suggest that you need to see a solicitor, because if you are paying off a mortgage then he has to help with this, plus he has to pay maintenance for the kids, but the solicitor will be able to advise you much more.

    I don't know whether he is working and if so then the solicitor will be able through the courts to have his wages docked for what he needs to pay.

    Please get back to us because this is very concerning for you. L Geoff. x

  3. shanny28
    shanny28 avatar
    3 posts
    30 April 2014 in reply to geoff

    Thanks for your response I feel so bad BC I feel its my fault I'm lost

  4. geoff
    Life Member
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    geoff avatar
    15552 posts
    30 April 2014 in reply to shanny28

    dear Shanny, why is it your fault.

    I do realise that men can and do cheat on their partners and/or spouses but there is a reason why they do, but it goes the other way as well, and why their female partner/spouse aren't happy with them helping and supporting them in the daily duties which could include dropping off the kids at football training or maybe basketball games and then bringing them home, and helping around the house in the many duties that you yourself have to accomplish everyday, so I believe that it isnt your fault. L Geoff. x

  5. Neil_1
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    Neil_1 avatar
    4232 posts
    30 April 2014

    Hi Shanny

    I’m so pleased Geoff has come to you and given you some great responses back.  Especially at this time when you really do need support.  As you can see by the amount of posts he’s got next to his name, Geoff is, no probably not our oldest member but would definitely be our wisest.  He’s been through an incredible amount throughout his life and his advice is always sought after by even us on here who post regularly.

    But Shanny, you have absolutely no reason to feel bad in this situation and definitely should not be feeling guilty or to blame - how can you be when you've done nothing wrong.  

    Reading between the lines, it seems you had to move out of your family home – as you said you are now staying with your sister.  As Geoff mentioned, what is the situation with the family home (I assume he’s staying there) – is it mortgaged, etc? 

    And also another good thing that Geoff mentioned is the need to obtain a solicitor in order to deal with these kinds of issues.

    You sound like a remarkable lady Shanny – firstly having put up with so much by this man for what seems to be a fair while and then to go through the separation and yet at the end of all this, you still can say that you have forgiven him.  You’re a much MUCH better person than I’d be in the same situation – obviously roles reversed of course.

    I know this must be incredibly hard for you as it’s all so recent and so raw – but really, I could not see the value one bit in having this man around for your children.  He possibly has already instilled a little of his ‘devious ways’ into their souls with his comings and goings and the like.  I would be interested to hear from you about what your boys think of all this – especially the 13 and 12yo’s – as they should have their own thoughts on this.   I’m really now referring to where you said that if you stop chasing up with him, he may well forget the kids – is that coming solely from you or do you know that your boys will miss him being around??

    Kind regards

    Neil

  6. shanny28
    shanny28 avatar
    3 posts
    4 May 2014 in reply to Neil_1

    Thanks for your response ..my kids want me to move on but its hard for me he stop taking my calls n texts n I'm trying to tell him our has to have heart surgery he had the affairs but treating me like crap because I cursed him out n now he won't talk to me

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