Hi Mostly optimistic
Welcome to the bb forum.
I’m a married woman with two kids and I know that if I was in your shoes, I’d be in a tail spin too. Sadness for your kids, grief and anger for the loss of your marriage and anxiety about the future. I really feel for you.
I agree with White Knight, I think your children will be okay. They will still have the love of their father, even if things are different, and they have you. I would speak to a child psychologist to seek advice about how to explain this to them in an age appropriate way that takes into account their autism.
I also tend to think that your husband didn’t lie or try to dupe you. There’s no reason to think he didn’t, and still doesn’t, love you. And because of that mutual love you are blessed with two wonderful children—and that’s a great thing.
Your husband is on a difficult path and so are you, my friend. Whether you stay or go, it’s going to be challenging.
My wish for you both is that your bond as parents and your underlying friendship will enable you to support each other as you figure out the next chapter of your lives. My wish for you is love and happiness in a relationship that meets your needs.
Do your family and friends know? Are they able to provide you with support? I think you’re going to need a good support group to get you through this.
It might also help to speak with a professional counsellor who understands the situation you’re in. You are not the first couple to go through this, so hopefully there is a way to learn through the experience of others.
Post any time. Happy to talk more if it helps you.
Kind thoughts to you