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Forums / Relationship and family issues / My life is so overwhelming right now.... kids, partner, work... when did it get so hard ?

Topic: My life is so overwhelming right now.... kids, partner, work... when did it get so hard ?

5 posts, 0 answered
  1. Boots77
    Boots77 avatar
    1 posts
    13 March 2021

    I’ve always been an annoyingly positive person... but not anymore.

    I love my partner so much but feel like I can never make him happy. There’s always something that I’m not doing right. I usually brush it off because he has many issues he’s dealing with from his childhood and younger life so I try not to take it personally but it’s wearing me down. In my attempt to make his life smooth and easier I’m just making mine so much harder.

    Last year my eldest son came to live with us after being admitted for a mental health emergency and now refuses to get any help. He has no direction, lives very recklessly. He is so secretive... I never know where I stand or what to expect. My youngest son is 15 and I’m so worried he will head down the same road. The worry is exhausting.

    I’m barley holding it together for myself let alone for everyone else. I used to deal with with all life’s challenges with enthusiasm and a great attitude, I just don’t have it in me anymore

    We live in a small rural town which is primarily great but sometimes like living in a fishbowl

    1 person found this helpful
  2. white knight
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    white knight avatar
    9216 posts
    14 March 2021 in reply to Boots77

    Hi, welcome

    A few things come to mind. Thankyou for writing in.

    Worry-

    • It is good at giving you ulcers
    • It is poor at being productive towards a problem

    Your partners happiness-

    • It is also your partners responsibility to make himself happy
    • It is a good idea to seek relationship counseling

    You eldest son-

    Unfortunately we do get a large proportion of members that have family that wont get help. This stubbornness or refusal to acknowledge a treatable problem is annoying for those that are around them. If only they know what help is out there. So I sympathise with you but there is little you can do.

    https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/anxiety/worry-worry-worry#qhCDHnHzvGGEbv8AAOnT_A

    Repost anytime.

    TonyWK

  3. Rumnraisin
    Rumnraisin avatar
    10 posts
    14 March 2021 in reply to Boots77

    Your story Sounds very similar to my story.

    I’ve Spent my life making everyone else happy, lifting people up, being a positive and happy go lucky partner & mother making sure everyone had everything, in the mean time forgetting about myself until I realised that I forgot about me and lost myself in the mean time and now feel very unappreciated.

    Maybe now is the time to put yourself first. Who are you? What do you love? What energises you? Have you spent all of your time fixing and helping others? What have you done for yourself lately? What are you doing for you?

    im doing just that working on finding me & my happy place. Attending counselling, doing self help, exercising, starting studying again in subject I’m really interested in, trying not to let others get me down. Trying to be a mother and partner but not allowing that to be only focus.

    what can you start doing to find that happy & positive place you used to come from?

  4. cakeninja
    cakeninja  avatar
    1 posts
    30 March 2021 in reply to Boots77
    Boots77, I came on here after a rather large argument with my husband, looking for some comfort from somewhere to show myself that maybe I wasn't alone in how I'm feeling, and came across your post. Wow, I could have written the first two paragraphs myself.
    I couldn't quite articulate it, especially when in the midst of a heated argument, but all I could keep saying was 'no one is hearing me. I am not coping!'. Hubby doesn't understand exactly what I'm not coping with, and honestly, neither did I really, until I read the topic of this forum. Lightbulb moment!
    Anyway, I don't have any advice for you really, but hang in there, I do try to remember that life has seasons. They come and go and change. Some seasons are cold and lonely, and others are bright and warm. Just gotta get through the bad to recognise the good.
  5. socialmoth
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    socialmoth avatar
    79 posts
    31 March 2021

    Hi Boots77,

    I am so sorry to hear about what you are going through at the moment. It's really difficult to give your all when your cup is running empty.

    Have you spoken to your husband about seeking professional help? Maybe if he has someone else to talk to besides yourself, this could be beneficial for him, yourself and even your son in the long run.

    As for your son, it's very hard to convince someone to seek help when they haven't reached that decision themselves. All you can do is be there for him while he goes through this, because he probably isn't having the easiest time either.

    Be sure to take care of yourself, put yourself first and ensure you are being fulfilled as well. As rumnraisin mentioned, you're not just a mother and a partner.

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