Been reading a few stories here. Seems that though my story is somewhat unique, my pain is not. 

We moved recently from Newcastle to Sydney. Years of difficult and patchy employ with two little boys on one income took it's toll. Basically there has been an agreed openness to our marriage but never before the opportunity to act on it. Now, it seems to be open slather and I really wasn't ready! 

I'm not going to play any kind of victim. though she is driving this, I have been supportive to a great degree. I've faced the challenges head on and have done my best to put coping strategies in place. But they are away over the weekend and after dropping them off I went to Paddo markets and found myself struggling not to cry. I feel really broken inside. Is it PTSD? Will it pass?

There's a massive sexual disconnect and this leads to a loss of the fundamental connection. This gentlemen I think is the thing that really gets us. We put tremendous effort into connecting with and then protecting and nurturing our relationships. I was raised a feminist and have been the one who gave my girls whatever they wanted, to the best of my ability. I see now that this has been a total mistake. A man cannot be a feminist and partner with a lot of women as they actually crave a man that is stronger and is really driving the boat. I was so busy keeping ours afloat I could not see this until recently. It was only when I heard her glee at being controlled and dominated I really got it. 

I don't think she wants to leave but I can see that if I don't find my strength and leadership I will lose what little remains. I think we must lead. Own our pain. Be great dads for our children. Be honest with ourselves about our own behaviour Own our stuff, you know? And support each other.

Adam

Wow, don't know how I missed this one... sorry no one has replied to you yet, mate, this is definitely quite an original scenario for here. 

Opening up your relationship is a tough one, I have been there, sometimes it sounds great in theory and then when it actually happens it's quite tough. 

Do you think it's possible to stay together as a family for the kids, but have your sexual needs satisfied outside of the marriage? Yeah, this isn't the 'conventional' way that realtionships are sold to us and how they're 'supposed' to work, but humans are sexual beings, and a lot of people - men and women- are able to successfully navigate having an open relationship.

You saying she doesn't want to leave, it sounds like she is happy with everything in the relationship besides the sexual part, and especially when you have kids, sex is such a small part of the whole package. 

Do you think you'd be ok with staying together and having sex with others, or would it be too difficult for you to know she is doing that?