Hi , first time here, just thought I would write something as I find im just not coping.
My story, am 39 have a daughter who is my life and was pretty much single for last 8 years, was happy, enjoying life, had goals, a good job, a nice house, everything was rosy, wasn't after a relationship and wasn't seeking one. I then met a woman that basically pursued me and before I know it was being spoilt in every way imaginable, presents, love, sex, fun etc I honestly fell madly in love and was enjoying it greatly. However it wasn't long before I realized something wasn't right, this woman would constantly belittle my family, friends and especially my daughter, all females that had anything to do with my life, from exes to nieces, to sister to friends wives. I knew it wasn't right and tried to end it but she would keep coming back.
After 12 months together of definitely the most intense relationship I have ever been in, I returned home from work(Im a fly in fly out worker working away for 4 weeks at a time) to find out that she had been seeing two different men for about the last 2 months, including when I was even home. She cut off all physical contact and via email and sms denied everything over and over. Over a period of a week or two I received photos text messages and emails from her own friends who were so disgusted with what she had done and was still doing. The content of all was basically that I would just go away in time and she could get on with her new man. The dishonesty, deceiving and betrayal ultimately brought me to my knees, I completely fell apart emotionally. I sought counselling and got an understanding of what type of person I was with, extremely insecure and no empathy, I did already know this and tried my best to reaasure her but as counsellor said I would never have been able to do enough for her.
The problem I found now is it has been over 4 months and I am still really really struggling, im back at work at moment, I cant eat sleep, function, spare hours are spent trying to find any information I can via social media or friends. Its all left me in shock and in fact in shock at myself for doing it as I have always considered myself to be a strong person and never imagined someone effecting me so badly. She was in fact a terrible person even when I was with her but for some reason I cant let go. I haven't spoken to her in a month and the last time she was still denying everything even as her friends were telling me 'yes they are definitely together'. I know this is probably a minor thing to most people, couples break up everyday, but for the first time in my life im just not coping, even after all this time I just want to curl up in a corner and cry. For first time I understand why people take their lives to escape the pain, (I wont, I have a daughter that I live for). I would have her back at the drop of a hat even though I knew from start I shouldn't have been with her, how is this possible??
I think as I have no access to counsellor here I just needed to tell someone how much im still hurting. I no longer see a future, I no longer get enjoyment from the same things or even look forward to being home. I just want it all to go away....
Thanks for reading.