I am so confused about things at the moment and have no one that I can talk to about it.
After a bipolar psychotic episode I decided that the 4 year relationship I was in was toxic and I needed to leave and work on me. I moved out a week ago today.
I have always known that my partner was bisexual and would talk to guys at times, but he never hooked up with anyone. In particular he would talk to M to F transsexuals. We were always very open about these sorts of things. But 3 days before I moved out he said he believed he was gay. This really wasn't a surprise for me as I had suspected it for a while. We had no sexualising relationship and there had been almost no affection for a long time. We still love each other, but in a different way.
I was at the house today and he started telling me about a couple of guys that he is having full on chats with. I shut the conversation down very quickly. But the last comment the made was a kick in the gut. He said "You knew that I would start talking to men straight away didn't you?"
I knew he probably would start talking to guys more, but to hear it was so full on and obviously very intense (there was a tube of lube on the coffee table) hurt so bad.
Now I'm at my place with just my cat and realised that I can't talk to anyone about it.
How am I supposed to feel? My emotions are all over the place. I'm angry that he thinks I want to hear about it (or see the evidence) even though I was okay with it when we were together. I'm angry and upset that he seems to disregard the last 4 years. I feel sad that I couldn't offer him what he needed.
But I am also feeling so lonely, displaced and confused. I wish I could call my closest friend and talk to her, but she is fairly narrow minded and can't deal with the idea. My other friends husband works with my ex and he isn't ready to tell everyone just yet. I have an appointment with my psychologist next week, but I need some advice in the meantime.