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Forums / Relationship and family issues / Not sure if this is the correct place for this type of question, apologies if its not, im new here and still figuring out how it all works.

Topic: Not sure if this is the correct place for this type of question, apologies if its not, im new here and still figuring out how it all works.

3 posts, 0 answered
  1. n2k12
    n2k12 avatar
    14 posts
    2 July 2021
    about my friend.. am also wondering if am being controlled. covertly. He has been willing to help me buy items that i like, such as putting an xbox on his credit, which i pay for, i just dont have the credit to actually get it myself. and a watch, that monitors my health for seizures and other problems that i suffer from. i feel i am in debted to him, and if i wanted to leave the friendship, i couldnt leave. he knows full well i am loyal, and will always pay what i owe, and do the right thing. i feel he is using this knowledge to his advantage.

    He also gets in "funny" moods, where he acts very distant. especially if he has recently gone to visit a particular girl, and obviously has not got what he wanted from her. so he becomes moody, irritable, and closed off. i thought maybe just a bad day(s). but now i put more thought into it, carefully, i can see the facts represent themselves. she would have said no to something or acted out of his control. and he would have become agitated. he seems very ignorant to mental health problems people have. he only seems to be in any friendship for instant fun, and gratification, and for what people have.
    i feel he tries to put me down and control me as well. one example,:he used to let me drive his car, when he was tired. now, i am trying to get my own license, so i can be independent , and start working towards my own car, he refuses to give me driving lessons, he knows he is the only one i can rely on. he knows i can drive. i just need a refresher course, in a manual. he puts me down saying i CANT drive, and i am to clumsy. i am really not.


    I feel he does this so i have to depend on him for lifts, and support. i feel this is not to help me, but to boost his ego.


    I also had a job as cleaner, which he helped me get. when i was working there, he seemed irritated by my presence, and acted aloof. within 48 hours i was asked not to return to the employment. i was broken hearted. deep down my soul was telling me, he had been talking behind my back, and would have said something to the employer which would have influenced their decision to fire me. because i know, i worked hard, and put 110% into the job, i was happy, and independent and he did not seem to like that at all. i get a feeling he would rather see me unhappy. and when i speak to him about my issues, he acts aloof and ignorant. especially since he has moved in with a new friend, who has expensive stuff. would like feedback
  2. white knight
    Community Champion
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    white knight avatar
    9215 posts
    2 July 2021 in reply to n2k12

    Hi

    It is difficult to judge on such situations but it does appear he likes to have control which is disrespectful

    I suggest you yell him you want relationship counseling. If he refuses then he is happier to be a controller than sorting out issues that mean a change in his attitude.

    And that means breaking contact and moving in.

    TonyWK

  3. white knight
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    white knight avatar
    9215 posts
    2 July 2021 in reply to white knight
    I meant to type moving "on."

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