Hi Struggler,

Interesting post.  My mother was cut out of her fathers will. She had a brother that was left everything. My mother took it to court and got a settlement...a win.  But that was because she flew over to Tasmania several times to nurse both her parents when they had strokes and the like while her brother kept working his farm.

And that is my point here. If the child hasnt has any positive input into your well being and perhaps has has some destructive influence etc then you have every right to do what you suggest.

Having the same blood doesnt give her automatic rights to any of your estate in my opinion.

Hi WK

I forgot to ask you this: Do you have a good relationship with your mother? 

Struggler

Hi Struggler,

Zero interest in my mother. She has undiagnosed Borderline Personality Disorder of the extreme type. She is old school, 82 yo now and still a tyrant.  My sister and I went most of our lives (in our 50's now) not knowing what our problems were nor hers. Finally a friend told me to research a book from Christine Lawson about BPD where she describes the 4 personailties of a BPD mother (you can google it). The 4 personalities or traits are witch, queen, waif and hermit. My mother was all 4, totally unpredicatible and revengful, destructive, manipulative and used people as weapons. Finally my sister and I are free, free from the stress.

We both dont care about her will etc. I have bipolar type 2, dysthymia, anxiety and depression and ADHD when younger. My sister has depression. We survived. We both have had one suicide episode where a plan was made.

Up until a few years ago my sister and I would be pitted against each other by mother. And our father (dec) was my mothers best weapon. He was regularly brainwashed.

Evil? yes,nurturing yes, and so the extremes of her personality made it hard to break away. In the end my sister and I made a pact. That if either of us had an arguement with mother we would not get involved. Unfortunately I had the arguement and after it mother rang my sister to triangulate the issue and it didnt work.

I think your plan with your daughter is a sound one. You dont have to tell her anything about the will. Otherwise it becomes an issue.  You can always change it back later if she sees the light.  She must treat people decently and reasonably. You are not helping her if you continue to assist her financially. As I say to anyone asking me for money now (we are retired) "go to the bank....they have loans available".

Dear Struggler,

I have no comment or opinion on this either way - because I haven't really had to experience anything like this - and hopefully won't have too either.

But I would just like to chip in and say, "You've gotta do what you think is right".  This sadness that is overwhelming you is not good and if it's in some way generated by the topic of this post, then yes, you should go and do what you feel is right.

Then in a week or so's time, who knows, you may not be 24/7 sad and we may even have a new pic against your name??  ;)  :)  Cause your one sitting on what looks to be a park bench by herself with a sad look is a bit sad.  :(

Kind regards Struggler.

Neil

Hi Struggler,

I have no input to our situation.

But  saw that you hadn't been out of your house in 5 days. I totally understand this!

Maybe try and go for a walk? force yourself to get out in the sunshine, sit in the park, read a magazine. Do something for you, buy yourself some flowers?

all the best

Charlsc

I often have to force myself to get out of the house also!

And thanks.. I hope he's see logic too!

Hi Struggler,

My type of depression isnt the type to restrict me to bed. I get up then wander aimously around, cry a lot, write sad poetry.  And try to work out the meaning of life also.

But I soon motivate myself. I think of an example where someone has exceeded beyond their dreams, their abilities.  Last week I recalled Kathy Watt, the gold medalist in long distance cycling. She won gold from a plan. She would get to the front of the pack, then pull away. Knowing they would want to catch up to her she'd put in another 10% effort BEYOND HER BEST. Then 3 minutes later another 10% beyond her best. She knew one thing, her normal best was as fast as her rivals. So 20% beyond her very best was unbeatable.  Finally towards the finish line she pulled out another 5 %. She knew she had gold.

This inspires me. It snaps me out of my gloom. But it wont wont for everyone. But I urge sufferers to find "their way" to put one step in front of the other to get to the open air. Anything to feel you have achieved.

Dear Struggler

Thank you for sharing your most recent post.

I applaud you with your stand you took to your daughter and your final sentence that you delivered to her before you closed the door.  Well done.

In instances like that, I usually jam up and think about 3 hours later, "Oh damn, THAT'S what I should have said".  So well done to you and also for getting the key.  And oh wow, she still must have a dig at you.

I agree with you, the chances of her waking up and changing sound very remote.

Charlsc provided a really good thing - so when you do go to the shops, to get the necessities;  also get yourself some nice flowers - a great suggestion.  Then sit them pride of place in the kitchen, or family room - somewhere near where you will see them regularly - and NO Struggler, don't you dare say, on your bedside table  ;)  ;)  ;)

Kind regards

Neil

Dear Struggler

ps:  this Canadian trip will be a definite challenge.  I've been warming to it of late, but just over the past few days, things have changed in my mind - and it's that old depressive state, where you cannot put words to why or how this has come about.

I know it won't be a waste of money - because there's 4 of us going, so at least I know definitely that 3 will be over the moon with everything.  I've just gotta dig real deep.

Anyway, sorry, I'm not hi-jacking your thread with my troubles anymore.

Kind regards

Neil

Well, I myself have been disinherited by my mother at least 7 times, so perhaps sometimes it is hereditary!

It's a sad situation to find yourself in. I am going to disinherit my son. I have no qualms about it. But it's still sad.

Keep strong.

Hi Struggler,

My husband has two adult children. He is planning to leave his million dollar home to his son alone. Not to me (wife of 4 years) and not to his daughter who caused him much grief during her teenage years.

This is his prerogative. It doesn't matter if I or anyone else thinks it's right or wrong. 

People make decisions like this for various reasons... some make them for practical reasons, others for emotional reasons, others for financial reasons. It sounds like you are making the decision for emotional reasons and that is totally fine and completely your choice.

You can't make everyone else happy, you just need to do what gives you peace.