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Forums / Relationship and family issues / Partner doesnt want children and Im undecided

Topic: Partner doesnt want children and Im undecided

5 posts, 0 answered
  1. Bluebell1
    Bluebell1 avatar
    7 posts
    4 May 2021

    Hello

    I dont want this issue to seem to have an obvious answer because Im so conflicted but any advice would be helpful. My partner of 2.5 years doesnt want children and Ive always been neutral about being a mother.I dont think Id be ready till at least mid 30's and Im 29 now. I thought Id accepted to not be a mother and stay with him but now im planning on moving in with him and Im getting anxious about this decision. The easy answer would be to walk away from him but I dont feel like I have the strength to do that. Ive been battling depression for a long time!

  2. S D
    Valued Contributor
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    S D avatar
    58 posts
    4 May 2021 in reply to Bluebell1

    Hey Bluebell1,

    Thanks for sharing about how you are feeling conflicted. That is very understandable. Moving in might seem scary right now because of the uncertainty. I think you'll know once you've settled in whether or not it was the right choice and if you decide it wasn't you can always move back out and still continue the relationship if thats what you both want. Also people do change their minds on these topics so there is a chance your partner might decide that they do want kids one day. Have you had a chance to communicate to them how you're feeling?

  3. Bluebell1
    Bluebell1 avatar
    7 posts
    4 May 2021 in reply to S D

    Hello

    Im sacrificing alot to move house I start counselling on Friday to discuss it he might change his mind as hes still young but at this stage he is a definite no

    I have said Im struggling with the idea but dont know what questions to ask him

  4. tranzcrybe
    Valued Contributor
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    tranzcrybe avatar
    619 posts
    4 May 2021 in reply to Bluebell1

    Your partner not wanting children may be suggesting to you a lack of commitment which could be interfering with your thoughts of moving in and all it entails.

    S D is correct - what you want to do in 5 years cannot really be known, and the same applies to your partner. Who knows how you both shall feel over time? Being together 24/7 will test and improve your mutual understanding and a certain melding of thoughts will develop to form a whole new mindset which neither of you can predict. Nature works in strange ways, huh? There will also be a little bit of peer/family pressure to subliminally encourage starting a family, and before you know it...

    One thing I would urge, however, is to not make any decisions based on expectation or convenience - these usually lead to undesirable outcomes later down the track.

  5. S D
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    S D avatar
    58 posts
    7 May 2021 in reply to Bluebell1

    Hey Bluebell1,

    Thanks for your reply. Awesome to hear you're starting counselling, hope your first session went well! If you feel like sharing how the session went and any insights you gained from speaking with someone about it i'm all ears :) Moving house is always a bit tough from my experience, although sometimes a fresh start can be just what we need. Be gentle with yourself during the move and don't forget to take time out to rest and do things you find relaxing. That's understandable that you're not sure what to ask him, perhaps when you feel comfortable to do so you could speak a little bit more to your partner about how you're feeling and what kind of support you need from them going forward. Hope you have a lovely weekend!

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