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Forums / Relationship and family issues / Realising I have no true friends, and am fed up with being ignored/not invited

Topic: Realising I have no true friends, and am fed up with being ignored/not invited

4 posts, 0 answered
  1. Bee1998
    Bee1998 avatar
    44 posts
    25 June 2021

    I have been struggling lately with depression on my own. To give you a quick back story, in February this year, I lost my best friend of 10 years to suicide. Shortly after, my partner of 1 year broke up with me. Prior to all of this, I had been trying to deal with 'losing' my only full blood sibling (my older brother). He cut contact with me and my family over 3 years ago, and I haven't been able to speak to him or see him since.

    And it has been really hard for me, because I have been left alone every weekend for the past couple of months, due to my mum getting into a new relationship. Her partner lives an hour away, and my mum goes and stays with him at his place almost every weekend now.

    In saying this, I have been trying to reach out to friends, as I have recognised my mental health spiralling over the past few months. But every time I contact the few friends I have, they all either don't respond, or say they are busy/already have plans, or make up an excuse saying they are sick...

    These people who I thought were my friends all know about everything I have mentioned above. I feel like people just simply don't care, and don't understand how hard and lonely it is to spend every weekend by yourself in an empty house, while dealing with grief, anxiety and depression. It's getting to a point now, where I am getting extreme feelings of anger and resent towards all of these people. I thought they were my friends, but they are being selfish and uncaring.

    Why can't I be invited out too? Why am I not good enough for your time? Why won't you respond to me... what have I done?

    All of these thoughts run through my mind. But at the end of the day, I know for a fact that I am a valuable friend, and I'm not a bad person in any way. I have a heart of gold, and if these people can't see that, that's their loss.

    Just am fed up of everyone at the moment in all honesty.... I'm always there for everyone whether they are down, sad or happy. But I never get the same in return?..... don't know what's wrong with people honestly. And people wonder why I don't want to be here anymore.

    1 person found this helpful
  2. Croix
    Community Champion
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    Croix avatar
    10373 posts
    25 June 2021 in reply to Bee1998

    Dear Bee1998~

    Life has handed you a very hard time, an appalling childhood, bad relationships, the separation from your brother and more recently the death of your best friend. Plus of course your mum finding someone she is interested in, all of this leaving you alone.

    Actually I rather admire you, to be able to cope at all with these things all piling up is an indication of the strength inside you. I'm not suggesting it is anything other than terrible, but somehow you have survived.

    You are, if like me, full of painful feelings and it is only human when in that state to want to talk to others -to vent, to seek comfort, to have companionship. Sadly it is the time when you find out who will really try on your behalf.

    When my first partner died I wanted to die too, and talked needlessly of my pain. Very quickly everyone else -having offered token sympathy and suggested totally unrealistic options - or told me to "move on" (a phrase I hate).

    I was left with one who patiently listened and did not try to fix the situation. In that I was very lucky, such people are rare gold, and if that person had not existed I'd have had to try and navigate my life alone.

    May I suggest that some of that anger and resentment (which I felt too) may not always be deserved. Some time later one of my so called friends did make contact and and admitted they'd avoided me, as they felt bad, had no answers and felt guilty as a result.

    Many people simply do not have the life skills to respond. I think you would be one of the ones with those hard-won skills and a good person to go to -a rare person.

    I'm sure you know some partial remedies, to try new ventures that you might enjoy, things where you meet others, where you gain satisfaction and nudge life back towards the bearable. I can't suggest what they might be for you, anything from volunteering at a museum to the gym to walking dogs from the pound.

    As you meet other people maybe it is not a time to seek their sympathy -that has not worked, but instead try to make their meetings with you enjoyable -so they look forward to them again. Yes, I know, hard when you feel so bad inside.

    You have been wise enough to come here, and can say what you wish - you will always be welcome

    Croix

    1 person found this helpful
  3. geoff
    Life Member
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    geoff avatar
    15310 posts
    26 June 2021 in reply to Bee1998

    Hello Bee, as Croix has said, life has not been kind to you at all, and I also feel very sorry for what you're trying to cope with and know under the circumstances how demeaning your situation must feel to not be able to associate with what you once thought were people you could lean on, only because that's what you have done for them when they have needed someone to confide in and I'm sure this also extends to your mum who moves away every weekend to stay with her partner and wonder whether or not she talks to you about her current situation, especially if she is not happy.

    When such terrible experiences you have had to endure are definitely heartbreaking and to express your feelings, your hurt and how to cope with these tragedies, people who have no experience are not capable and actually don't want to get involved, only because they are unsure of what they should be saying to you, and if at first, they try making suggestions and/or comments to you, which you aren't able to follow through with because you're caught in situations that will need continuous therapy, then they tend to avoid you in any possible way, such as saying, they're too busy, or tired or have other commitments not to be with you.

    It's sad when this happens, long time friends disappearing those that we thought we could rely on, and perhaps if you are 25 or under you could contact Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800 and by saying this, doesn't mean that we want you to stop posting because all of us may be able to help in other ways, so please stay with us, it's important you do Bee.

    Best wishes.

    Geoff.

  4. quirkywords
    Community Champion
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    quirkywords avatar
    12408 posts
    26 June 2021 in reply to Bee1998

    Bee,

    I feel your pain and frustration through your words.
    Croix and Geoff have written very supportive and helpful replies which I agree with.

    i wanted to say that I relate to what you are saying about friends being too busy or not being there for you. I had something traumatic happen about 18 months and people who were friends didn’t contact me at all or when I texted then said they couldn’t reply .

    it was disappointing but some people do find it hard to know what to say and worry they will say the wrong thing.

    Thanks for writing your post.

    Feel free to continue the discussion here. We are listening.

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