dear Dj, thanks for joining us.
What I can say is that although you may have bouts of mild depression then this is a catalyst which will build up for you to have depression, because they can't come and go without doing any damage, although it may feel as though you have resolved the issue, you actually haven't.
My ex also has black and white views there is never an in between, although she never self harms, she is impulsive and quick to make an opinion, however this isn't really far on her because she has no say.
In all honesty she can't cope with this by herself, but she has you and this is keeping the relationship sort of a live, but with BPD it's such a powerful illness that can change a person from being happy to being angry, with the possibility of being violent, not that I am saying she is, but this can happen.
So she needs to be on medication and have some counselling, and because you suffer from depression it will be too much for you to cope with, so there's a fine line between supporting her and then helping her.
To help her when she is having a bad day might coincide with the days that you feel lousy, so neither party wins, and it just aggravates the situation, and by doing this will put a wedge between the both of you, and that's exactly what you both don't want to happen because of your son.
So your wife will need an outside support symptom where she can contact these people, rather than relying on you to help her, because you're having a bad time at this stage.
You will also have to think of your son when she isn't feeling well, and this goes both ways, because you don't want the both of you to be suffering badly at the same time, especially when he wants something.
So in a nutshell be there to give her support, but rely on experienced people to handle her BPD. Geoff.