Hi GoodWitch and The Woodman. If we look at a relationship sans children, shared mortgage/property, major possessions, friends etc., things look very different. A man and women meet they get along, the relationship develops, they have sex, one of them loses interest in sex, the relationship starts to wither and die. They may remain friends, they may bust up in tears. If I was the rejected person in this relationship then I would prefer to cut the other person out of my life and never see them again or it would too hard to continue seeing them in this diminished way.
Add the kids etc. into the mix and the ending of the relationship starts to seem impossibly difficult.
GoodWitch I would hope that if my wife felt the way you do, about sex with your husband, that she would tell me. If she no longer wanted to have sex with me at all then I would want to know, because I would most likely immediately end the marriage. I’m not interested in separation under the same roof, it would be too hard on my mental well being, living with and being with somebody who you want to be intimate with so you can be close to them and they have rejected you and would continue to do so.
The Woodman, I wouldn’t want to be in your position, 30 years and it’s either the rest of your life in this situation, find someone else or leave and lead a single lifestyle. If it was me I’d leave as I said above, but everybody is different and the ultimate decision is yours, I guess at least your wife seems to have given you permission to find someone else but unfortunately you prefer it just to be her. As hard as it is a clean break may be easier but I’d it sounds like you don’t want to do that.
I have lost a lot of respect for my wife over the years for various reasons and I don't believe I still love her. I would need to spend some serious time away from her to be sure; I’m doubting whether I ever loved her at all these days. As I’ve said we are still generally on friendly terms but I’m not happy, we are basically running a child raising business, what happens when the child raising is over? I’d rather end it now than go into late middle age and end it.
Based on the laws of averages I’ve probably got 30-40 years left to live, once the kids aren't in the mix anymore, why would I want to live with someone who has rejected me, I have little respect for and I don't potentially love.