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Forums / Relationship and family issues / Should I call it quits or keep paddling

Topic: Should I call it quits or keep paddling

6 posts, 0 answered
  1. Mistress
    Mistress avatar
    3 posts
    16 May 2021

    Hi everyone so long story short I’ve been in relationship for almost 12 years we have 2 kids together and our lives have had more downs then any ups.

     

    so when I was 17 I fell pregnant only knowing him for 3months he never left and pretty much moved right in now I had mental health issues prior and had my mum who has mental health and I had to deal with her and she was very controlling.

    during my pregnancy he would work away send me all his money and my mum would take it (my fault for Being so controlled) i also got a payout for a car accident which she tried to take which I didn’t let which then made her kick us out 3 times when my daughter was only 5months

     

    now we finally moved out with the clothes on our backs and with the money I had I built a house and home. This is when he then decided to not work and just play video games.

    At 21 he emotionally cheated on me with some person via internet because of distance he couldn’t physically but he made it clear that relationship was more important then me and when I tried to leave then he forcefully took our daughter away and said I could leave but she couldn’t so I stayed. ( while this was going on I was dealing with mental abuse by my mother)

     

    i worked on and off as i can’t seem to be able to do home and work without burning out.

     

    my house is always a mess and he only sits down on the pc and comes out to complain about the mess we had another child in 2018 and before that he was gambling I had to deal with his crazy mother who abused me and lived free with us. And then in 2019 I found out he was messing with a. Chick at work

    Now 2021 he works comes home sits on the pc complains yells at the kids always snapping at us but laughing at the ppl n game he plays with cause it’s playing with a bunch of male and female ppl

    centerlinkntook $300 off my payment and now I get only $500 each week and $400 gose to rent so financially it’s hard my relationship hasn’t made me happy as he gives me no affection only when he wants he gives more affection to the ppl and game we started relationship counciling but. His walls always gose up I don’t know I am just so tired I’ve tried to fix me but over the years nothing I do helps and I am wondering if I am trying to put water in a bucket that has holes and pointless

     

    i can’t believe that I wasted all my youth for nothing and that he claims he loves me but I think loving someone n means doing things for them not always refusing to lift a finger? I am falling apart

  2. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
    • Works for beyondblue moderating these forums
    Sophie_M avatar
    5940 posts
    16 May 2021 in reply to Mistress
    Hi Mistress,

    Welcome to the forums, we are so glad that you've taken a big step in sharing your thoughts and feelings here with our wonderful community. We know it can be hard to write the first post, so thank you for having the courage.

    We're so sorry to hear what you're going through, it sounds like things must be really overwhelming. We understand this is such a difficult time for you, and we think you are so brave for reaching out here. 

    We would strongly urge that you contact 1800RESPECT. They offer 24/7 confidential information, counselling and support for people impacted by sexual assault, domestic or family violence and abuse. The lovely supportive counsellors have a lot of experience offering advice and support to anyone who has been through trauma like this. You can contact them on 1800 737 732 or visit  https://www.1800respect.org.au/ 

    Please know that you've come to a safe, non-judgemental space to talk things through and our community is here to offer as much support, advice and conversation as you need.
  3. smallwolf
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    smallwolf avatar
    5765 posts
    16 May 2021 in reply to Mistress

    Hi and welcome to beyond blue forums.

    I first want to acknowledge the challenges you have faced and currently facing. It sounds like you are doing everything for your family and getting little help in return. :( I am guessing you are also feeling hurt and betrayed by the action of your partner etc.

    I would also say there is also a strength in you for all you are doing for your family.

    If you permit me to ask one question... What do you want to see happen? A change in attitude in your partner? Leave? Other?

    It is also easy to blame ourselves for past actions. My own experience. If only things turned out differently? If a mistake something to learn from. You made a decision then with the best of intentions. If you want to use me as a sounding board, I will listen. This is a safe place to chat.

    Peace to you

  4. Mistress
    Mistress avatar
    3 posts
    16 May 2021 in reply to smallwolf

    I want a change in attitude for sure I helping hand someone that bares the burden with me not just pop more on my back.

    he Is obviously using the pc as an escape but digging our heads in the ground won’t make it go away which is where I think I am at. The fact I never been alone really scares me especially with two kids. And my mental health has now made the basic needs and chours so unbearable that I am barley doing my part for my kids which makes me feel like a horrible mother.

    I know if he don’t help or change I am either looking at exiting this planet or need to exit this relationship I cannot keep going on my own while dragging “dead weight”. I notice I have issues and I never not acknowledge it but now I’m coming to terms it isn’t just me with problems. But if he isn’t willing to see it then nothing more I can do but taking that leap is hard especially when I do not have a family or friend support I only have me and my kids and that’s the honest truth without being over dramatic. My sister disowned me my mother has her own mental health issue and is not able to help much plus I do not want to go back to being controlled all

    i know is that I feel like my situation isn’t as bad as a lot of people and I shouldn’t be whining but at the same time i can’t keep doing this and taking any action seems like a mountain I can’t seem to climb

  5. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
    • Works for beyondblue moderating these forums
    Sophie_M avatar
    5940 posts
    16 May 2021 in reply to Mistress
    Hi Mistress,

    Thank you for the update. It is very understandable that this situation would be having a significant impact on your mental health and we can hear that you are doing the best that you can right now. Please know that you don't have to go through this on your own.

    If you would like some help finding mental health support, we would recommend that you get in contact with the Beyond Blue Support Service. They are available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 1pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport  One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals.

    We would also strongly urge that in overwhelming moments you get in touch with our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).

    Please feel free to keep reaching out here on your thread whenever you feel up to it.
  6. PamelaR
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    PamelaR avatar
    2740 posts
    16 May 2021 in reply to Mistress

    Hi Mistress, it's good to see you have found your way to our forums. Weclome.

    As Sophie has said above, please make contact with one of our Services or Lifeline. You are a very strong woman - it sounds like you need some assistance in working out how you can make your life better and how to make it better with your partner. Digging your heads in the ground doesn't work as you've found out. There is no shame in seeking help from others to work on what you can do to improve things. I've had help from psychologists and social workers for over 30 years. As soon as something happens that I don't know what to do I seek support. It truly has helped my mental health (I have anxiety, depression and PTSD) and retained my marriage of 38 years. It would be good to hear if you are able to reach out to someone for guidance.

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