I’m a nineteen-year-old female with a boyfriend I haven’t seen for two whole months since he fell into another episode of his previously diagnosed clinical depression. I thought it wouldn’t last for long because now he’s got me – someone who loves him to infinity and who has treated him better than anyone else in his life has – but boy was I wrong.
I’ve dealt with having a friend in school who had depression, and the only thing I could do for myself in the end was stop being friends with them because they were constantly bringing me down along with them and I couldn’t handle it anymore. However, my current situation is different because I’m actually in a relationship with this person and I’d do absolutely anything to keep what we used to have a possibility for the near future, although I know there’s a certain time I won’t be able to stand it anymore, and I can feel it getting closer now that we’re at the two month mark.
My boyfriend has told me that he hates and is embarrassed of himself, isn’t worth it, doesn’t want to be around people at all, isn’t passionate about anything and doesn’t see what the point of life is. Hearing this constantly is destroying me, but I’m trying my hardest to hold on for him because he’s expressed that he doesn’t want to break up with me by saying things such as “People I have yet to meet...” [talking about my family and friends], but I just don’t know what to do anymore. He isn’t seeking help and doesn’t want to, so what am I supposed to do?
I miss how we used to be so badly. All the sweet words, spending time together, cuddles, kisses and intimate times are only some of the things I really crave in life, and not receiving any of it for two whole months has driven me insane. I believe that this boy deserves the entire world after what he’s been through in life, and I want to be the one who can give that to him because I’m so in love with this gentle human. He’s everything I could ever want in a significant other, but the universe is really testing me.
I’m so lost. Someone please help me by letting me know what actions to take in regards to this situation. I love him so much, but should I focus more on myself and what I need in a healthy relationship?