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Forums / Relationship and family issues / So conflicted & confused. What’s the right thing to do??

Topic: So conflicted & confused. What’s the right thing to do??

3 posts, 0 answered
  1. Liz13
    Liz13 avatar
    1 posts
    31 March 2021

    Thank you for reading.
    hopefully I can get some clarity snd third party advice before choosing an Avenue to take.

    my partner and I have been together 10 years have an 8 year old son. We broke up for 2-3 years when my son was about 18 months as he found messages from me to another work male friend on my Facebook (telling each other we thought each other were good looking). He locked me amd my son out of the house. He lost his job then things just spiraled out of control from there.

    we got beck together 3 years ago and since have had a daughter who is now 6 months.

    Tonight we had a verbal disagreement- I’ve have never been so disgusted in all my life - and he hence what has prompted me to reach out.

    he accuses me of not listening to him, disrespecting him not doing what he says and basicallly if he feels I am out of line yells at me, calls me a grub and useless. I suffer with anxiety and this is heightened when we argue. He wanted me to go on tablets which I have done for him.

    we have had a stressful few months with him working away a lot, but to be honest things are easier when he is away. He smokes like a chimney, drinks to extreme where he ends up abusive which o do get quite scared, he is extremely volatile and at times I don’t know when his outbursts are getting out of control.

    in saying that when we aren’t like that he is caring, thoughtful and generous. We are barely affectionate to one another even though I have raised this he comes beck with how could he get close to someone who disrespects him so much?

    I am so worried that my 8 year old is exposed to this aggression and now our daughter will also be raised in this environment. I have tried to ask him to speak to me in a different way but to be answered with how do you expect me to do anything for you when you do nothing for me.

    im at a complete loss of what to do, where to go as obviously I’d be very embarrassed telling things to my friends snd family about what goes on.

    it’s like we argue snd things get some what bad with his outbursts then a few hours later he is speaking to me normally again and being nice. I’m so confused.

  2. socialmoth
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    socialmoth avatar
    79 posts
    31 March 2021 in reply to Liz13

    Hi Liz13,

    Thank you for reaching out on this forum. I am terribly sorry to hear what you are going through at the moment.

    Firstly I'd like to say that your partners behavior is not ok. Even is the good is good, there is no excuse for the bad to be as bad as this is. Particularly with children, even though it may not seem like they comprehend what is going on, they certainly do and it sticks with them in the long-term.

    I highly recommend having a chat with 1800Respect to discuss your particular situation and your options. I think it's really important for you to reach out to someone sooner rather than later and take care of yourself and your kids. Please don't hesitate to reach out in this forum for any further help.

  3. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
    • Works for beyondblue moderating these forums
    Sophie_M avatar
    5917 posts
    31 March 2021 in reply to Liz13
    Hey Liz13,

    We are so sorry to hear about your situation. From what you are saying, it sounds like you are experiencing domestic violence. Domestic violence can involve behaviour that makes you feel scared, involve threats to you, your children or pets, and denies your choice. It is an ongoing repeated pattern of behaviour to control you. It is not always physical. Please know that you are strong, valuable and you have a right to live free from abuse.

    We would strongly urge that you contact 1800RESPECT. They offer confidential information, counselling and support 24/7 for people impacted by sexual assault, domestic or family violence and abuse. The lovely supportive counsellors have a lot of experience offering advice to people in your situation. You can contact them on 1800 737 732 or https://www.1800respect.org.au/ 

    If ever you feel unsafe, please don't hesitate to contact triple zero and ask for the police. 

    We know it has taken courage for you to share your story today, so thank you. We hope that you can find some comfort in the forums and please feel free to keep us updated here whenever you are up to it. 

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