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Forums / Relationship and family issues / The pain of two estranged children

Topic: The pain of two estranged children

7 posts, 0 answered
  1. Fleur10
    Fleur10 avatar
    3 posts
    6 May 2021

    I have 2 estranged daughters. The youngest one was always very closed. Relationship deteriorated in her twenties. Now she is in her forties. She has 3 children 7, 5, 2. I have only seen the children a couple of times a year, although she lives close by. My e X has Aspergers. She seems like him. She seems to project her feelings onto me. My children use me as a scapegoat for everything. Tell me I was a bad mother. They generally put me down. I have sort of given up on her. Contact is too painful.

    My other daughter was very friendly when she had the first baby and for 8 years was fine. Now she had children from two different partners and another boyfriend. She was stressed and she doesn’t need me any more. She gradually withdrew contact . I still see the children a little. She refuses to discuss anything with me. Although she goes to a psychiatrist every 2weeks. I feel as if she is taking stuff out on me. She seems to say she is too stressed to talk to me. Problem seems to just get worse and worse. I would like to start a support group. I am trying to figure that out.

  2. james1
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    james1 avatar
    2948 posts
    6 May 2021 in reply to Fleur10

    Hello Fleur10,

    Welcome to the forums.

    I'm sorry to hear about the difficult relationship you have with your two daughters. It sounds like it's really painful to manage and I'm glad to hear you are trying to work out how to start a support group.

    I do not have children, but my own relationship with my mother is quite strained. It's not the way I want it to be, but in many ways it feels like it's the best thing for us both to have a bit of distance. Either way, I also decided it was best to try and find my own support network which was probably for the best.

    Let us know how you are going with your support group. Have you also thought about enquiring on whether there are any existing already? It could be helpful to speak to your GP about whether they know of any groups or services that fit what you are looking to set up.

    James

  3. white knight
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    white knight avatar
    9215 posts
    6 May 2021 in reply to james1

    Hi, welcome

    You are in a difficult situation.

    I have two daughters now 32 and 27yo. the older one came to live with me at 12y12yyoo. Dad's girl we are very close. The younger one pulled away from me at 14yo and up till 25yo came in and out of My life in a destructive manner. In the end I decided for my own mental well being, to terminate the relationship. Needless to say she is as toxic as I found her mother to be.

    And that's ok now with me. Both sister despise each other.

    So, back to your situation. Do you have any ideas on why both daughter's have drifted. One would think they'd love a grandma doting on their kids?

    The daughter that sees a psychiatrist might have deep issues. I hope you get the opportunity to say "if I can contribute to your well being let me know"

    My eldest had a step mother for 10 years. I didn't realise for years how my partner was mentally abusing her. I said those words to my daughter when she began visiting a psychiatrist and the flood of tears came. She told me I didn't protect her enough. We talked it out and I apologized. It hurt me but thats what a good parent has to do.

    I hope this site helps.

    TonyWK

  4. quirkywords
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    quirkywords avatar
    12409 posts
    6 May 2021 in reply to Fleur10

    Fleur

    As a grandma and a mum, my heart goes out to heart.

    I get blamed for not being the best mum as I had bipolar but I trued hard. I love my grandchildren and children so don’t know what I would do if I was estranged from them long term.

    It is hard being a mum .you are not alone.

    Maybe a support group online to see if there is one near by.

    I know there are threads here about estranged children thst you may find helpful.

  5. Fleur10
    Fleur10 avatar
    3 posts
    11 May 2021 in reply to quirkywords

    Dear quirkywords

    thanks for your empathy.

    I found a website called rejected parents,,but I think it in America. I would like something in Australia. It did help because I could see parents in the same situation. My daughters hold resentment for their perceived childhood wrong. I am abused and criticised because their life has not turned out the way they wanted. I was an emotional punching bag. When I stood up I was thrown out like the trash I would still like to form a group but trying to find out how.

  6. Fleur10
    Fleur10 avatar
    3 posts
    11 May 2021 in reply to white knight

    Dear White Knight

    My daughters are resentful of their childhood and blame their present problems on me. I was an emotional punching bag. It is probably best that I don’t have contact. I am just fed up with them. When will they be mature adults and treat me with respect. I

  7. white knight
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    white knight avatar
    9215 posts
    11 May 2021 in reply to Fleur10

    Hi

    Then I'd like to ask you "what can we do for you here that would help your situation"?

    TonyWK

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