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Forums / Relationship and family issues / They just wont understand, why?

Topic: They just wont understand, why?

  1. white knight
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    10 December 2020 in reply to Sleepy21
    Hi Sleepy

    Your last sentence was very sad.

    Human input in my life has been my most biggest challenge. Not only injustice but nastiness, manipulation, greed and the list goes on.

    So, I came up with what I believed was my deficiencies. Lack of street wisdom in short was my issue. I would trust everyone. I had a great father so I believed all men were the same. I wrote a manuscript once on that called "grey hair and smiling faces". It was how I saw distinguished old men that I believed, were honourable men, how naive.

    So for that reason I wrote the following threads use search bar

    Fortress of survival
    Fortress of survival part 2
    Fortress of survival part 3
    Fortress of survival workplace

    Hopefully we can chat about those if you feel able.

    Ps I'm not concerned about going off topic with the thread. This topic is interesting.

    TonyWK
  2. Sophie_M
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    10 December 2020 in reply to Sleepy21
    Hey Sleepy, 

    Thanks for opening up and keeping your friends on the forums updated on how you've been going. We're really sorry to hear that you've been having such a difficult few days, and can hear that these feelings must be so tough to cope with. We hope you don't mind, but we just wanted to let you know that we are also reaching out to you privately with some extra support.

    We hope that you always feel welcome to reach out to the kind counsellors at our Support Service (1300 22 4636), as well as our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) and Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467), as often as you need during overwhelming times like these. We're all here for you, Sleepy.
  3. Guest909
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    10 December 2020 in reply to Sleepy21

    Mate, that is the last thing I wanted to hear.

    Please talk to one of the counsellors that Sophie_M suggested. The help is there, if you want it.

    If you're up to it, stay in touch and let us know how you are going; you have friends here.

    Cheers

    Paul

  4. Sleepy21
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    10 December 2020 in reply to Guest909

    Hi Paul and Tony thanks for caring

    Tony I'm glad you're enjoying this thread and I hope it is helpful to others as well, a lot of ppl on the forums have struggles being heard and open re mental health struggles

    I did try but I didn't get much help tonight. I will try until I get help.
    I feel scared and upset, I was just asked a million times if I was safe and what I was going to do next. I said i was going to go for a far. It's 10:07pm and I'm not going for a run. I guess I was testing if she was even listening. She said she hoped I enjoy my run. The call went for less than 2 minutes. I might try again.

  5. Sleepy21
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    10 December 2020 in reply to Sleepy21

    go for a run*

    sorry that post didn't make much sense and i'm scared of oversharing due to how i'm feeling. I haven't yet found a safe space to speak about these feelings and am scared it doesn't exist. I'm so scared. Thanks for listening.

  6. Guest909
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    10 December 2020 in reply to Sleepy21
    Did you have any luck with lifeline or the suicide line?

    Talk to any professional that will listen - you have nothing to loose and everything to gain.

    I know of some people that will run at any time of the night. They are probable all insomniacs.

    Time for this old boy to hit the sack.

    Paul
    1 person found this helpful
  7. smallwolf
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    10 December 2020 in reply to Sleepy21

    It seems the last few days have been really hard on you :(

    Perhaps worse if you feel there is not a safe place for you to speak. I am also unsure where the boundaries are in terms of sharing here, and secondly what you might be looking or in that safe space.

    Now I will be honest (not that I am ever not here) and will tell of an experience of mine from a couple of years ago. So I had some very bad dreams over a few nights. I did not tell my wife about them. I did see my GP and talked about them and my psych found out within the hour as well. Anyways... I was talking to my mum about something and she wanted to know how I was going. All I said to here was the bad dreams line and she said she did not want to hear anymore because she would worry about me. So between all that, I was able to find the words without "oversharing" or going into too much detail. The other side of it can be the people we talk to might not be equipped to hear the detail. There is only person that is not professional who I went into detail about the dreams who was able to understand, but he had been suicidal at one point also.

    We are all concerned for you. You are part of this family here at beyond blue.

    The other thing is that while you said that you are concerned about saying too much, you are also sharing here. In one way (as I spoke to my mum) the safe place can be here in a way.

    Oh, and I read your story about accepting it from your social worker about accepting it. Being able to accept something can take time, or a (very) long time... That you are or might not be ready is normal for you. I get that. Just as I cannot rewire my brain to think happy thoughts. Time and patience. Get through each minute. And you will be here tomorrow just as I will be to chat again. That is my hope.

    Peace and comforting thoughts to you

    Tim

    2 people found this helpful
  8. white knight
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    10 December 2020 in reply to smallwolf
    Thankypu so much Tim for your contribution.

    Tim is right, you are a part if the BB family. I can only reach out and offer my care to you Sleepy. I care, all of us do.

    We know that even as bad as your mind state is, you'll bounce back as the table turns. Have faith it will turn.

    Sleepy, you are a beautiful soul. Take some deep breaths and allow this dark time to pass.
    Your friend

    TonyWK
  9. quirkywords
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    11 December 2020 in reply to Sleepy21

    Sleepy21

    I am sorry to read about how you are feeling.

    You are so kind to me and others on the forum as you are so compassionate.

    I have been following your post here even if I do not comment very much.

    yes you are part of The BB family and there is and as Tony and Tim said we care for you.

    I is tiring and frustrating to get the help you need.
    I agree you have a beautiful soul.

    Quirky

  10. Guest909
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    11 December 2020 in reply to Sleepy21

    G'day sleepy

    Just checking in! Did you manage to get some sleep last night?

    Cheers

    Paul

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  11. Sleepy21
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    11 December 2020 in reply to Guest909

    Hi Tony -

    I'm trying to have fiaith although it is hard. I hope u are doing well and thanks for sending ur care

    Hi Quirky - it is frustrating and jsut at that moment sometimes it gets hard to keep asking. I did call again and found it helpful. It's nice to know that people read and care and I appreciate you

    Hi Mr. Paul - sadly I didn't get any sleep... I think I rested for a few hours tho. It was hard today to manage as I was working however it was a short shift and the people I worked with (it changes due to many casuals) were nice. I was a little scared of becoming dizzy and revealing how out-of-it I was but I think I just made it through

    Work was a good distraction ... thanks for checking

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  12. Guest909
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    11 December 2020 in reply to Sleepy21

    Hi Sleepy

    I glad you had people around you today. A distraction was just what you needed; even if it was work.

    Hopefully, you will sleep better tonight.

    Cheers

    1 person found this helpful
  13. white knight
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    11 December 2020 in reply to Guest909
    Hi Sleepy

    People are different but I always bounce back after a good meal and sleep.

    I hope you bounce back also precious.

    TonyWK
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  14. Jstar49
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    11 December 2020

    Hi all,

    I've read up a little bit and I really like some of the thoughts on this thread. Sleepy my heart goes out to you. I'm no longer suicidal but when I was I couldn't see a way through. I hope that somehow, you can. And if you can't, just please wait until tomorrow. I know It's a terrible feeling to not want to live and to feel all alone- at one point in my life/ many points in my life- everywhere I looked I saw people having a good time. I had been told so many times that I was the problem , by my family- people who are s'posed to know and love you- and it was hard to believe anything different.

    You said that something awful happened in your past and you are finding it hard to get past it, especially the people that allowed it to happen- is that correct?

    Sleepy I'm so sorry that happened. I'm so sorry you weren't protected and loved in the way you deserved. It wasn't your fault.

    As so many ppl have shared, There is ppl out there who through their own pain inflict pain on others. I have tried to love ppl through their 'fertiliser', and it's only when I let myself get angry about it that I can somewhat let it go.

    I do like what you shared ecomama, about your brother, and I agree for some ppl it is a matter of being the bigger person, and caring about them and not expecting much back. Ecomama said:

    "When we let these people "go" - even without NC but just to have zero expectations of ANYTHING from them - then we make room for the people who we DO want to have in our life. There may be an Autumn / Winter time in our lives before we see who these people are and / or even branch out further to our interest bases. But it happens and when it does, it's beautiful."

    But if you're feeling like life is not living, then please challenge this thought, again, and again, and again, becos you're obviously a beautiful person and this world needs beautiful ppl like you.

    So many who share here have gone through so much, and still are, and when I think of us out in the world, putting Christmas cards in letterboxes randomly, or smiling at a child who's just having a bad day, or helping an elderly person find the coffee, or their car, or having a cuppa with a very lonely somebody---- I think, well, most ppl won't do that, so it's up to us!!

    I do my pelvic floor exercises to fall asleep. I guess it's a version of the muscle tense-release relaxation.

    And these days I stay up late. Midnite works, if I try to go to bed earlier I usually wake up @ 3am- the 'wee sma' .

    J*

    2 people found this helpful
  15. Jstar49
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    11 December 2020 in reply to Sleepy21

    Also.

    Sleepy you said "I guess all they really wanted was affirmation, attention and control, which no one can give completely."

    Yes, to the control. I think that is a major issue with so many dysfunctional personal relationships and disorders. I think of Domestic family violence, and definitely narcissistic ppl. And if it's not control of you, its control of someone close to you. Like with my sibling it's control of our parents, and how they see her. Typical scapegoating technique. It's very hurtful and I don't know why she feels like she needs to do it, but in the end I feel lucky that I've not become enmeshed in those ways of operating. I've found different ways, different people, and a way to live which feels real and genuine, and it's lovely to share that with other like minded people.

    Beautiful ppl like you BB folk

    Cheers,

    J*

    2 people found this helpful
  16. Sleepy21
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    12 December 2020 in reply to Jstar49
    Hey Jstar - ur very wise thank you. That is such an interesting point about how control can also be about controlling those around you. Thank you for showing me you support and understand
    1 person found this helpful
  17. Sleepy21
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    12 December 2020 in reply to white knight
    Hi Tony - I feel a bit weird because I fell straight asleep. I thought I would wake up 24 hours later but I woke up at 9am.
    So I guess I just got a normal night sleep. I had a lot of nightmares which was scary but I am still here!
    1 person found this helpful
  18. Sleepy21
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    12 December 2020 in reply to Guest909

    Thank you Paul

    I did eat a meal today but had flashbacks and tension in the cafe where I was. I am very triggered a lot and find I get sensitive and upset easily. I feel like a minefield. I do feel better thanks after sleeping although it wasn't the best sleep I did get some rest.

    1 person found this helpful
  19. white knight
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    12 December 2020 in reply to Sleepy21

    Hi Sleepy, I'm relieved.

    Now in a few months someone will be going through the exact same experience. You can tell them how you felt, what you did that helped etc. You are a valued person of this family.

    And thats why I'm here. So glad you feel a little better.

    TonyWK

    1 person found this helpful
  20. Sleepy21
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    12 December 2020 in reply to white knight

    Hi Tony

    You helped me by being there, and made a difference for me.

    2 people found this helpful
  21. Jstar49
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    13 December 2020 in reply to Sleepy21

    Hi Sleepy,

    something which made a great difference to me was a book about ESP- Extra Sensitive People lol. Seriously!

    It showed me that I am one of around 10-30% of the population which is extra senstive, which explained why I don't like shopping centres, and need less stimulation than some others. I don't know if trauma can increase someones sensitivity but it makes sense that it would.

    Having that knowledge now lets me choose more wisely when it comes to my surroundings, especially when eating or when feeling sensitive.

    I'm glad to hear that you got a good nights sleep.

    Thankyou for your kind words.😘

    Hugs

    J*

    2 people found this helpful
  22. white knight
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    18 December 2020 in reply to Jstar49
    Hi J

    Most topics to do with mental illness I can find a positive side to. Depression for example often includes a creative side, inventive, artistic, entertainment etc.

    With being a highly sensitive person it's harder to shine a positive light.

    In my case I have confirmed time and time again that I'm more sensitive when tired than not tired. Good solid sleep is my nightly goal.

    The only positive of being a HSP in my view, is that one is more considerate towards the fate of those around us.

    TonyWK
    1 person found this helpful
  23. Jstar49
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    20 December 2020 in reply to white knight

    Hi WK,

    HSP is less confusing- I like it. Nice to meet another HSP/ESP!

    I reckon being a HSP is ok. It's kinda hard cos the majority (60-80%) have no idea what it's like, and can't relate. But I find I'm pretty attuned to kids, and animals and nature. And knowing there's others like me, that are probably not aware of what it is that makes things so difficult sometimes, means that I can influence situations for the benefit of all. Like, I'm the person who will speak up for others, generally, so knowing about HSP people gives me courage to know there a silent minority I'm also speaking for. Turning the music down, setting up a quiet space, introducing calming elements to a party, or a kids event. Reducing time spent in shopping plaza's.

    It's too easy to get dragged along with all the hype. I'm a HSP for a reason. I can help myself in this world by learning about it, and in turn helping others.

    I totally agree with the sleep thing. For me, my sleep is affected by too much stimulation, so it's a bit of a chicken/egg situation lol....

    Cheers,

    J*

    1 person found this helpful
  24. white knight
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    20 December 2020 in reply to Jstar49
    Hi J

    Yes, knowing other HSP people is comforting.

    I also really relate to your avoidance of things like shopping centres and being considerate.

    My sensitivity extends to music and emotional words. I've followed a guru called Prem Rawat Maharaji for 34 years. He has many YouTube vids.

    Google

    YouTube Maharaji sunset

    YouTube Maharaji the perfect instrument

    YouTube Maharaji acceptance

    There are many more. I also relate to animals better than humans. Essentially I see an emotion in just about everything. I have bipolar 2 but also dysthymia, a low mood constant depression from childhood trauma I thought responsible for my sensitivity but it appears less likely now.
    TonyWK
    3 people found this helpful
  25. Jstar49
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    22 December 2020 in reply to white knight

    Hi WK,

    Music and words are very important to me also. I like having my own music on while I am being creative, it's hard sometimes to share music with ppl who arent HSP. At a dinner party recently we couldn't agree on music- they said my music was for the end of the party..... and theirs was for the beginning and middle! In other words, lively vs sleepy... ( altho essentially I could disagree becos they loved very Country/western.....not even a hint of folk or bluegrass. And hated blues. So I'm not sure if we can socialise anymore...........

    Listening to their music gave me a headache and jangled me up, and after they went home my H put on more loud music! It took me sooo long to settle down that night.

    What music do you like?

    I followed the teachings of Osho for a while in my 20's. He was very influential for me. His followers/my friends were the most peaceful/ emotionally open ppl I had ever met.

    Cheers,

    J*

    2 people found this helpful
  26. white knight
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    22 December 2020 in reply to Jstar49
    Hi J

    When young my passion for music began with the Bee Gees. Their melodies made me cry. It put me at another emotional level.

    I liked Cat Stevens for his mystic words. My favorite song of his is "the wind".

    Then later I ignored my dislike for rock bands with Led Zepplin as the melody and words of Stairway to heaven struck a chord.

    I've known for a long time now that most people can't relate to my emotional side so I don't waste my time trying to explain it. They live totally in the real world with little fantasy and zero emotion.

    There's so much more to life that the rituals of daily routine imo.

    Favourite movies

    The legend of 1900

    About a man born and raised on a cruiseliner and never stood on shore. Again, an emotional theme.

    Google

    YouTube maharaji sunset

    TonyWK
    3 people found this helpful
  27. Sleepy21
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    24 December 2020 in reply to Jstar49

    hi Jstar - so insightful

    i would like the more calming music like u

    i listen to a lot of depressing music, but to me it is soothing

    music can take us to a calm place and that's a precious thing

    I also feel like most ppl can't understand me, and lately have become very sensitive and uninterested in the "well-meaning lecture" that ppl offer about mental health - usually when they know very little

    i sometimes feel like ppl don't really listen to each other and just hear what they want to hear

    Listening is so precious

    5 people found this helpful
  28. randomx
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    2755 posts
    24 December 2020 in reply to Sleepy21

    l think won't and can't and don't and l could add a few more to that too let me tell ya , not to mention one of the mains , they're basically just too self absorbed to giva fk really. People seem to be good as long as your good , but very few really giva damn and stick around when your not. And even for them you know , people like us or many through bb , could , if you got too involved and caring , absolutely suck what you do have to spare away and just drain you. But we can only go through that for a choice few in our life , or even a choice one. Just how much can you give , you know , to somebody that isn't your spouse or child or parent or best of friend , how much can you have left. ? After life work struggles bills your own family or loved ones , how much can you spare and yet still look after yourself with just what's left , if any ? And then there's the emotional users that happily drain the life out of you if your silly enough to listen. l've got one of those, a brother.

    Soooo, in many ways l do understand it.Going through divorce no one wanted to know suddenly l didn't hear even from most family 3 or 4 yrs and my families huge yet only 2 gave a damn or had time, both single . l mean later l understood, everyone else had so much already ,just how much can you actually have left , ya know.

    So l do sort of get it , especially in this country with our outrageous mortgages and cost of living , not much left in the tank even time wise with that on top of it.

    But l'm so sorry sleepy you haven't been able to find much help . Bc counselors and professionals have no excuse it's their job to read you and pick it and to know that their standard list of off the sheet questions won't always rule you out of danger and need.

    l used mensline myself back when , whom l mostly found extremely good out of all l tried but as usual some people just shouldn't be in the job so it depended who you got.Seems to be very common just finding that right thing for you.

    Hope your holding up. rx

    4 people found this helpful
  29. ecomama
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    24 December 2020 in reply to Sleepy21

    Listening is so precious!

    Understanding?
    I've given up on other people understanding me.
    Except for here ofcourse, there's so much more understanding here.

    I think another person either has to have far more than a psych degree to understand me, that AND a first hand personal experience of trauma. Or just be incredibly intuitive and empathic perhaps.

    PLUS a person devoid of cruelty. Finding a person who has no motivation to make cruel comments / judgements is so rare.

    J* you're my twin lol... I could probably have written every word of your last 2 posts.
    Maybe not same musical taste but don't hold that against me lol!

    I'm feeling pretty fractured and splintered psychologically tonight after an unexpected trigger this afternoon from demons family.

    Not much I can do about it but will probably do something different for the first time.

    I'm relieved the full on PTSD reaction didn't go on full throttle... I guess I'll see when I sleep tonight lol... IF I Sleep tonight!
    All younger kids getting home after midnight, there could just be a bit of a party... who knows.
    As long as they're all happy sounds.

    Peace and love to you all. Ah why not some mung beans too!
    Ecomama xxxx

    2 people found this helpful
  30. ecomama
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    24 December 2020 in reply to randomx

    Hey rx

    Hearing you brother. You're spot on.

    Hoping you can get a reprieve from the pressures.

    Peace man,
    Love EM

    1 person found this helpful

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