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Forums / Relationship and family issues / Tired, exhausted and feeling numb after experiencing years of trauma.

Topic: Tired, exhausted and feeling numb after experiencing years of trauma.

3 posts, 0 answered
  1. TassyNick
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    TassyNick avatar
    3 posts
    9 May 2021
    Well, it seems like things have finally caught up to me. After what has been 4 years of hell since moving from Tasmania to Victoria, my mind and body has started to give up altogether. Nothing makes me sad, nothing makes me happy. Everyday seems pointless, and the only thing I am truly aware of is the aches and pains in my body attributed to my ageing Cerebral Palsy and the constant badgering from those around me who constantly demand my attention and time in order to feel validated.

    4 years ago, after finding myself in a situation I didn't want to be in and experiencing a significant level of trauma associated with it, I decided to move from Hobart to Melbourne.On arrival I spent 3 months in a hotel before I managed to find a rental unit and secure myself a bank loan to fund some contents. At the time I didn't have much with me apart from my car and a bag of clothes as I ended up having to leave everything else I owned behind in order to leave at short notice. Shortly after moving into my flat I met what I thought was a lovely man, but instead would end up making my life a nightmare.

    No sooner after I had met them, they virtually moved themselves into my home despite my constant protests. What followed was many months of manipulation that resulted in me giving up my flat and spending most of my time at his family home whereby his own family members would sit by while this man would systematically emotionally and physically assault me leaving me feeling constantly fatigued from defending myself. In the end I lost my job, and in response to that the mans family threw me onto the street with no notice or support.

    What followed was easily the worst year of my life. The very man that abused me continued to follow me even when I was homeless. I ended up loosing my car and spent nearly 6 months living in a tent in a friends backyard because they didn't want me in the house. Naturally sleeping on the ground was not good for my Cerebral Palsy and I ended up with severe back pain. Still, despite all the trauma, I forced myself to look for a job while the man following me refused to do so. Now you may ask, why couldn't I make him leave? For two reasons really, he has successfully worn me down whereby I had little to no energy, and secondly I had no other support around me to help enforce my decision.

    Eventually I managed to find a job and a room to rent however I am now at a point I need help to move forward past the trauma and get my life back. Any thoughts?
  2. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
    • Works for beyondblue moderating these forums
    Sophie_M avatar
    5944 posts
    9 May 2021 in reply to TassyNick
    Dear TassyNick

    We are sorry to hear about your experience. It sounds horrific and like something no one should have to go through. It was very brave of you to share it with us on the forums. Your resilience also shines through in your post. 

    It might also be an idea to call 1800RESPECT. They offer 24/7 confidential information, counselling and support for people impacted by sexual assault, domestic or family violence and abuse. The lovely supportive counsellors have a lot of experience offering advice and support to anyone who has been through trauma like this. You can contact them on 1800 737 732 or visit  https://www.1800respect.org.au/

    Please continue to post as you see fit. We hope that posting on here and receiving supportive replies brings you comfort. 
  3. Croix
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    Croix avatar
    10376 posts
    26 May 2021 in reply to TassyNick

    Dear TassyNick~

    I'd like to join Sophie_M in welcoming you back to the Forum. I'd also like to say it has been a good couple of weeks since you posted this time and it has taken until now to get a response. Please understand it is not you, it is not the subject of your post, it is simply our system here does not always do what we want

    Being left hanging would have been most discouraging to say the least.

    Now, frankly I'm in awe of you. I know what happened in Tassie and it would have been bewildering and truly horrible. Then coming to Victoria and having your best efforts sabotaged and having to live firstly with a toxic and abusive family, then in a tent, all the while with your medical condition and that idiot harassing you.

    However in the end you beat the lot, have a job and a place to live -amazing and wonderful. I'm under no illusions as to the problems, financial, medical and practical you still face, but to have come so far shows strenght, tenacity and ability. If you can beat all that has happened, you can beat anything.

    With the idiot, now you have your own place please consider if he fronts up again getting the cops to help you get him out and ask them about getting a personal safety intervention order if needs be. I'm sure if you have contacted 1800RESPECT already they will have filled you in and hopefully listed support options to go for in your area.

    You asked about getting your life back. Well, you are on the way already. You don't say much about how you feel, the thoughts you might be happening, or what your main worries are. Maybe your body, maybe finances and the ability to keep working, maybe the future in general, maybe reliving the past

    I can only give you very general ideas. A GP at least, even by telehealth, to assess you physically and mentally. There may be help there. Anglicare financial advice service if money is a big problem, contacting a Cerebral Palsy society to see if there are any resources you can tap

    Generally being in touch with people who are not a threat - do you have family or freinds back in Tassie to talk with ? Perhaps someone at you job? It makes a difference not feeling alone.

    Most important (my physical and mental issues are different form yours, but the idea holds true) and that is to do each day something you really enjoy and takes you away from the grind of life for a little while. It need not be big or expensive, just something to look forward to.

    I hope you return - the answer will be quicker

    Croix

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