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Forums / Relationship and family issues / When will this stop

Topic: When will this stop

3 posts, 0 answered
  1. Misunderstood
    Misunderstood avatar
    1 posts
    23 September 2015
    I have been suffering from depression for many years and most of those years I have been in denial, when something bad happens I go on medication then I feel better and then I get off the medication and around the roller coaster I go.  I have been a self harmer but have learnt not to do this after a very bad stint in December 2014.  In the last 9 months I have gone through a massive emotional roller coaster.  My partner left me in November 2014 and treated me like I was nothing to him, his family were making up stories and causing even more distress.  I was a mess, one month later I let him back against my better judgement but I loved him and I told him what we needed to do to change.  Nothing changed it actually seemed more and more that I was being used and I let him know this.  April 30th 2015 I suddenly lost my dad, my partner was there for me (so I thought) he was hurting too.  But 4 months later I am back with my partner walking out on me again and dumping me by text on the 16th Sept while I am at work.  I get home and all his stuff is gone again. Has blocked me from everything and has not even given me any idea of what has happened.  I am hurt I have questions, I found out that he has been talking to my best friend and my Uncle but no one is telling me anything.  He took stuff that was my dad's just because be believed they were his to claim.  His mum has slammed the door in my face twice when I went to talk to him and to get my dad's stuff.  I did everything for this guy, after all the lies and health issues and pain he has caused me I still supported him.  I don't understand how someone who says they love you and then walk away, if my depression is so bad why didn't he seek help with me, half the time I didn't even realise I was as bad as I apparently was.  I am so heart broken and just want him to face me and to really think about what he does to me.  Sending texts to my mum, friend and Uncle to look after me is such a coward way.  Why do I get treated this way when I have asked for the support and help.
  2. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
    • Works for beyondblue moderating these forums
    Sophie_M avatar
    6838 posts
    25 September 2015 in reply to Misunderstood
    HI Misunderstood

    The end of a relationship can certainly leave you feeling a range of intense emotions. Something that you have worked hard to maintain over time has now come to an end, and it sounds like you have a lot of questions. You have also experienced great loss this year with the death of your father.

    Misunderstood you mentioned that you have self harmed in the past but worked hard to change this – that is great to hear. That tells us that you have the strength and determination to overcome challenges; so now let’s
    look at what you can do to cope with this relationship break up. Would it help to talk with friends, a family member or perhaps your GP about how you are feeling? Does it help when you focus on doing things – exercise, hobbies,reading, music, writing a journal? Have a think about what worked in the past;
    what helped you to stop self harming?  The helpful things that you have done in the past, or things that you enjoy, can help you to reconnect with the happy emotions within you and refocus your thinking on your future rather than the end of this relationship. It sounds like another important consideration would be to talk about medication with your GP due to your history of depression.

    Often the end of a relationship also means changes to other relationships too – with their friends and family in particular. While this may change over time keep focused on ensuring you have a solid support network from a couple of your friends that can help you through, that you can have some good times with, and that you can talk to when you are feeling really stressed.

    The death of your dad is probably still affecting you too. Grief can take time and the first year can be particularly difficult as you are  unable to share experiences, celebrations, sadness or just normal daily life with your dad. Grief does lift over time and there will be a point where you still miss your dad but that you have learnt to live with his loss. Again, you will need to think about what helps you to improve your mood and cope with stress as
    this will help you with your grief too.

    Misunderstood while it might take a little while to adjust to these changes in your life it is important to be hopeful, start doing the things that help you feel better, and seek out a bit of extra help when you need it. This could come from your GP, from our forums, or perhaps a local health professional. Take each day as it comes and slowly you may begin to notice that the difficult emotions associated with your loss begin to lighten
    and that you begin to enjoy life more and more.

    2 people found this helpful
  3. Trish M
    Trish M avatar
    29 posts
    25 September 2015 in reply to Misunderstood

    Hi Misunderstood,

    Wow, there is such good advice for you to follow from Sophie_M, I can't think of anything else to add.

    Take heart that you aren't alone but realise there is no quick fix or magic solution. You have done the right thing by getting in touch with Beyond Blue and joining the forums, stay in touch and help will come.

    Best of luck.

    Trish M

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