You’ve been married a long time. I do wonder if your wife is quite worried about what you might say (in terms of your relationship). So might be putting it off? (Which isn’t great I know).
Do you ever email or text each other to discuss things? It could be a way of talking when it’s too emotionally charged in person.
I would try and reassure her that:
- you don’t expect ‘a say’ in her gender identity. That is hers alone. You acknowledge and accept that.
- as her partner, you’re trying to adjust to information that is new to you. You’d rather talk about it, than be left wondering or assuming.
And from her perspective, is she happy for your marriage and personal interaction to continue as it always has? I think it’s reasonable that you’re asking for clarification on that.
Even if it takes a bit of time to work out how you both feel.
Thanks for letting us know how you’re going. Hope it helps to talk.