Hi there Zatromitos
Firstly I'd like to extend a warm welcome to you to Beyond Blue and thank you for registering and coming here and providing your post. That IS a positive step you've taken.
Wowee, it sounds like you've got a lot happening and have had a lot happening and throughout it all, it seems like you've only had yourself to assist you with the issues.
Have you been to see a GP at all?? I think in your case it might not hurt to go along and have a chat to see what a professional might be able to advise - just in the professional sense.
With regard to your wife who's in America - is that a long-term thing?? From what you said though it doesn't sound overly good if (a) she's been acting off and (b) you state later in your post how you'd really love to meet a lady who just loves you unconditionally for who you are. There's nothing wrong with wishing for Part B, but I think, it's perhaps not so good while Part A is still happening.
With writing and poetry, don't EVER give up on that - keep going with it - I think if you've got a passion for something and it's also something that you feel you're ok or even good at, don't EVER let others discourage you from continuing. You should keep doing this; write away and be persistent at it - that's something that a hell of a lot of us can't do - so keep with it.
The current job market isn't so flash, as you well know - but again it's another example of having to be persistent and to be aware that you're going to get knock-backs with jobs applied for. For me, I use a fishing adage - when I'm trying for a job, I put out as many baited lines as possible - to as many jobs as possible that suit my skill set - and you never know, the bite will come along one day.
But back to the GP, I think going along and for you to have a chat - as you've said, you've got no one really you're able to chat with. It might just help.
I hope I've said something that may help you or trigger something in yourself that might turn out to be useful and above all, I'd love to hear back from you.