I am a 46 year old man.
I'm happily married to my wife, we've been together for 21years. She's the mother of our 3 adult kids, she's my best friend, she's my rock and she really is the love of my life.
I still find my wife very attractive and I love her deeply. We don't have sex very often, barely once every couple of months, I'm just not interested, I think because I have "performance issues" sometimes.
For around the last 15 years, at times, I have desired and fantasized about being intimate with another man. My wife doesn't know this, I don't think she'd take it well.
I have only recently decided to explore these urges in a safe, discrete way. I've had one encounter with a man, we didn't do everything I'd like to try, but we both enjoyed it, even though my "performance issues" made an appearance.
I've decided to search for a partnered gay man or couple to explore with safely, on a regular basis, although I'm still not 100% sure if I'm really into other men sexually, or if it is just curiosity and fantasy, and that once I've done it I won't want to do it again.
I feel guilty doing this behind my wifes back, but male intimacy is something that she obviously can't provide and I feel it's something I need to explore, for me.
I don't know if I should talk about this with her. I don't plan on starting a relationship, just to explore "getting off" with another man.
I don't want to lose everything we've built together, or the plans for our future.
Is it wrong for me to not tell her, keep it a secret and once I've "scratched the itch", go on as if nothing has happened?