Online forums

Before you can post or reply in these forums, please complete your profile

Complete your profile

Before you can post or reply in these forums, please join our online community.

Forum membership is open to anyone residing in Australia.

Join the online community Community rules Coping during the Coronavirus outbreak

Topic: Am I bisexual?

14 posts, 0 answered
  1. Callum_a
    Callum_a avatar
    4 posts
    24 September 2018

    I sit here struggling to put words on the page. I am not comfortable with this topic at all. I’m currently seeing a psychologist and I haven’t been able to discuss anything about sexuality yet. I’ve always thought of myself as a straight male, I never had any thoughts about being gay when I was younger though I was shocked when people said they thought I was gay. I feel like I have to confront this. I get thoughts about men all the time. I get the same thing with women as well, I grew up attracted to girls. It’s recent that I’ve had thoughts about men. I know that I’m somewhere on the spectrum but I am absolutely terrified of taking any action. It’s like I’ve been slugged with this issue that is affecting all other areas of my life. Also, I am 21 years male.

    1 person found this helpful
  2. C4
    C4 avatar
    107 posts
    24 September 2018 in reply to Callum_a
    Hi Callum I’m sorry your going through a rough time with things I too thought I was straight and was married for 16 years before coming out to my wife but I look at it now and I don’t think I was ever attracted to women but we did have a connection but I’m the end not sexually. I would probably say I would class myself as gay now but I still struggle sometimes to put a label on what I am sexually. Your only 21 you don’t have to figure it out yet but society expects us to be heterosexual so it’s hard to define ourselves when we don’t fit the stereotype. I know it can consume you as it did me also but if you can tell your Counsellor it’s a start and it would be a weight off your shoulder. Sexuality is more fluid these days and theres no rush to decide on who you are even though you want answers. If you can’t tell your Counsellor try QLIFE on line they can give you advice and it’s free . Just know your not alone in this and if you need to chat we’re here for you . Craig
    2 people found this helpful
  3. Callum_a
    Callum_a avatar
    4 posts
    25 September 2018 in reply to C4
    Awesome. I hopefully will get through it. Thanks for your reply, I will definitely tell my counsellor and it is great to know that I’ve got at it early and that I don’t have to rush. I’m still struggling with it and trying to figure it out. How did you know you weren’t attracted to women?
    1 person found this helpful
  4. C4
    C4 avatar
    107 posts
    25 September 2018 in reply to Callum_a
    To tell you the truth I don’t think I ever was attracted sexually to them when I used to watch videos or saw magazines when I was younger it was heterosexual stuff and I always focused on the man and a woman body doesn’t turn me on anymore. But when I met my wife there was a connection maybe not so much sexual but emotional I guess but we clicked . The sexual side always caused arguments so it was hard for both of us as she was angy st the lack of intimacy and for me as I couldn’t perform properly you could say . In the end I couldn’t do it anymore so it ended . I too always thought I was straight with but had thoughts of men do it’s hard to define myself even now I struggle at times . But this is me for you it may be different your young don’t rush any decision yet . But telling the councillor is a start for you at least your on here now before coming out whereas I came on here later for support. Hope it goes well for you. Craig
  5. C4
    C4 avatar
    107 posts
    29 September 2018 in reply to Callum_a
    Hi Callum how have you been and how did you counsellor go . Just seeing how you are .
  6. Callum_a
    Callum_a avatar
    4 posts
    7 October 2018 in reply to C4

    Hey Craig. I still haven’t been to a councillor because of she’s still sick. I read your message and found it really interesting. As for my sexuality I’m still working through it. I guess you could say that I am pretty uncoordinated when it comes to my sexuality. I found journaling is really helpful to me. I have awkward situations when I go down town, I think girls can sense that I’m so undeveloped in this area and it’s kind of like a red face moment. I’m interested in girls but I notice attractive guys as well and think”he’s hot”. Ill update you when I go to a councillor and see what she has to say. It won’t be fixed just from her, from what I know I think it will be a pretty long process I’m just hoping I’m not 45 and still have it unresolved.

    1 person found this helpful
  7. Only I know
    Only I know avatar
    214 posts
    7 October 2018 in reply to Callum_a

    Hey Callum_a

    As Craig said, there is an organise called Qlife that you can call, they are an LGBT peer support group. Now, whilst you may not know if you identify as LGBT yet, having an anonymous chat to a peer can be very helpful. So if you feel up to it, google them. Also, they can recommend an LGBT friendly counsellor near you, if you feel that this may help you work through the ideas, thoughts etc that bounce around your head all the time. They helped me heaps.

    I wouldn't worry about being uncoordinated, I was 25 before I even lost my big V. I then ended up getting married to the same wonderful woman, only to recently come out and tell her that I was gay after 20 years of marriage.

    Sexuality is fluid, and from a lot of posts I see on these forums, for some it can change without notice or reason. There may be some particular thing that attracts you to a certain person, whether male or female. nothing wrong with that at all.

    I think human beings are only now just starting to understand that we are even more diverse and unusual than once thought. Society had labelled things in a certain way and we all were conditioned to believe that was the "normal thing".

    We're now realising that there is no "normal" anymore. Just "different".

    cheers

    Daz

    1 person found this helpful
  8. C4
    C4 avatar
    107 posts
    7 October 2018 in reply to Callum_a

    Hi Callum thanks for replying your right it won’t be resolved by just visiting her it might take a while and it doesn’t matter either . I can admire a woman looks attractive and pretty but it doesn’t do anything for me sexually but if it does for you then that’s ok . I know it took a while for me to get to this stage and I guess your lucky we live in a more accepting time to come out now if you want to . Let me know how you go at the counseling ok and others on here can give advice as well so your in a safe place . Craig

  9. AMS68
    AMS68 avatar
    1 posts
    7 October 2018 in reply to Callum_a

    Hi Callum,

    I have only just joined up on this site and I came across your post. I felt I wanted to share a little of my story so as it can help you. I'm almost 50 and I have only just come out in the last year. I has not been an easy journey for me. I have battled with my sexuality for years and now finally I have found the courage to just be me. Like you I was very confused while in my teens. People tried telling me I was gay and I just rebelled. Honestly I was so scared about being gay that I turned a blind eye to it for most of my life. It's still not easy at times however I feel that now I have made the decision I can now put my efforts into meeting a woman of my choice.

    Just go with how you feel...whatever you feel is yours not someone else's. As it is mentioned previously society is now more accepting of differing sexualities, which is comforting to us. Please don't stress about the not knowing and embrace who you are and what you feel as that is the best guiding light for you. Go well Callum. Cheers Ally :)

    3 people found this helpful
  10. Callum_a
    Callum_a avatar
    4 posts
    16 October 2018 in reply to AMS68
    Thanks for the comment. It was pretty insightful and I enjoyed reading it. I went and saw a councillor and as it will definitely be a long process that I have to go through. I’m starting to feel better about myself. I think I will join a couple of groups and explore what it is like to be bisexual (maybe). I have some local groups that I will get involved with. Thanks again for all the help from everyone.
    1 person found this helpful
  11. C4
    C4 avatar
    107 posts
    17 October 2018 in reply to Callum_a
    Hi Callum glad you responded to our posts and well done on seeing a Counsellor and your right it will take some time to get used to just being you . I go to counseling every fortnight and I still get emotional in there as it brings up things I thought I’d dealt with and I’m 46 and came out 18 months ago. It doesn’t matter how old you are when you come out there’s always an element of fear in the unknown and of the future. I’ve joined a couple of local groups in my area one meets for a lunch every month at a local coffee shop and another i joined last week does ten pin bowling so that should be good . I’m glad your going ok and hope to hear from you soon . Craig
    1 person found this helpful
  12. Only I know
    Only I know avatar
    214 posts
    19 October 2018 in reply to C4

    Hey Craig, hope you are well.

    how did the ten pin bowling go? You need to let us know!

    have a great weekend.

    Daz

    1 person found this helpful
  13. C4
    C4 avatar
    107 posts
    20 October 2018 in reply to Only I know
    Hi Darren I didn’t go this Thursday as my other group had something on which I’d forgotten about but am going next Thursday so I’ll let you know how it went it sounds like fun . Talk soon Craig
    1 person found this helpful
  14. Ruby 2
    Ruby  2   avatar
    81 posts
    31 October 2018 in reply to Callum_a

    Hey Callum,

    Welcome to the forums.You may well be bi.I have been married for 32yrs to a man who has just disclosed he is having issues with this .

    Please seek advice. However you identify is YOU. I don't like labels, it confines us. You are young,one life to live, go forward and be your authentic self.

    Don't know if I have helped,but I do wish you the best. Plenty of help and advice available here.

    Ruby 2xx

    2 people found this helpful

Stay in touch with us

Sign up below for regular emails filled with information, advice and support for you or your loved ones.


Sign me up