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Topic: Am I Trans?

3 posts, 0 answered
  1. i_like_cows
    i_like_cows avatar
    1 posts
    4 August 2021

    For the past few years I've been really questioning my gender identity. I am AFAB and for the past six months I have identified as gender fluid, but in the past months I'm beginning to realise I never really feel feminine and much prefer masculine terms, pronouns and presentation. I'm not sure if I ever did feel feminine or if I was just too young and uneducated to understand what the difference between femininity and masculinity is. I also worry that since I have previously identified as gender fluid, that this is just an extended period of time where I feel masculine and I'm not ftm.

    I have considered the fact that I might be non-binary and went by they/them pronouns for a bit, but it never felt as nice as imagining myself as a boy.

    I really like the idea of being a teenage boy now, but I don't like to picture myself as an adult man, however that would look. But I don't like to imagine myself as an adult woman either. I worry that I am overthinking things and that because I am in my later teens (17) this is just a 'faze'. I worry that if I commit and affirm my gender I might de-transition later down the track. I know there is nothing wrong with this but I worry that I'll be ridiculed by family/friends if this does happen.

    I also worry that I'll never be perceived as a 'real boy' and all my efforts would go to waste and it would be easier to live as a girl.

    I have a rough relationship with my physical appearance, I carry a bit of fat on my stomach and legs, and I don't know if the discomfort I feel in my body is due to that, gender dysphoria, or a mix of both. I plan to shed that weight and invest in a binder and see how I feel from there, but that will take months and I feel very uncomfortable in my own body, when people refer to me with feminine pronouns and my given name and being perceived as a girl.

    I genuinely don't know what to do. Any advice?

  2. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
    • Works for beyondblue moderating these forums
    Sophie_M avatar
    5891 posts
    4 August 2021 in reply to i_like_cows
    Hi i like cows, 

    Thank you for your post today, it is wonderful that you have been able to share your story with the community and to reach our for support. We know that it can be really difficult to take that step and ask for some help, but you never know who might read your post and feel less alone in their own experience. Worries about gender are normal and it is totally ok to not be sure about how you identify right now. It can be a process that you go through and it can change as time goes on. 

    We think that Q Life would be an awesome organisation to talk to as they are experts in supporting people as they work through their gender identity. You can call them on 1800 184 527 or check out their webchat from 3pm - midnight. 

    You can also give us a call at anytime on 1300 22 4636 if you feel like talking to someone. We are here for you and you don't have to go through this alone. 

    Thank you again for your courage and for posting in such an articulate way. We hope that there is something that can you on this journey on these forums and that if you choose to call Q Life they can help as well. Please feel free to keep us updated on how you are going if you feel comfortable. 

    Kind regards, 
    Sophie M
  3. sbella02
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    sbella02 avatar
    43 posts
    11 August 2021 in reply to i_like_cows

    Hi i_like_cows,

    Thank you for your openness and honesty. Because of your age, just know that there's no pressure to commit to an identity just yet. In a few years, you may very well feel like you suit a more feminine presentation, or you may continue to feel like masculinity represents you best. And that's ok - it's ok to be fluid and not know who you are yet. At 17, I know that I was still coming to terms with aspects of my own identity, like my bisexuality.

    To experiment with your gender expression, I'd recommend asking a few close friends or family to start referring to you using he/him/his pronouns (or others that you may like) and/or with a different name that you feel represents you better than your birth name, and see how that makes you feel. It's a good way to start exploring your identity and playing with the idea of identifying with a more masculine presentation.

    I would also encourage you to look into neogenders, as you may find comfort in some of these labels/pronouns. I would also try not to worry about how you are perceived by others, or perhaps seek out a community of trusted friends and/or family who feel comfortable with you expressing your identity however you would like. There are plenty of clubs and online chat forums (like Discord) where you'll find likeminded individuals in your exact position. You're definitely not the first person to feel like way, and you certainly won't be the last.

    With regards to your physical appearance, I know that most adolescents tend to have an uncomfortable relationship with their appearance, so that's totally normal. I'll quote one of my favourite sayings, "your appearance is the least interesting thing about you", meaning that there's so much more to a person than just what they look like. Don't let your appearance define you, but let it be an expression of the person you are. I understand that with gender dysphoria, it may be helpful to experiment with your appearance and opt for a more masculine presentation, and I'd say go for it. See what feels natural for you.

    I wish you all the best in your gender exploration, please let us know how you're feeling about it all! We're always here to talk more if you need.

    Best wishes, SB

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