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Forums / Sexuality and gender identity / Anxiety after first same-sex date?

Topic: Anxiety after first same-sex date?

6 posts, 0 answered
  1. ScarlettR
    ScarlettR avatar
    48 posts
    8 September 2018

    I'm a bisexual woman. I am 30 years old and went on my first lesbian date with a girl today. The date was good, we talked, had coffee and visited the museum. We didn't hug or hold hands or kiss or anything physical yet. We both agreed to wait until second date to take the next step.

    I met her on the HER app (online) and we had been chatting for about a week.

    I had never been on a same-sex date before. I have dated some guys, but secretly like girls more. Now I'm back home after the first date, I'm feeling some anxiety. My parents are traditional and it would be tough to tell them if I get committed with this girl. Just half an hour ago, I felt physical anxiety thinking about the date - heart racing and sinking at the same time, forehead feeling hot, a overall feeling of nervousness and a bit of fear.

    Nothing to do with the girl. It's simply my body being weird. In my heart, I am happy that I've been on a same-sex date. I do realise that with girls, it's more emotional and intimate than with guys, and I would hate it if I upsetted a female accidently.

    I had been diagnosed with schizophrenia so I could mistake someone's facial expression as something hostile and personally directed at me.

    I don't know if I'm being silly and just adjusting to a new experience?

    2 people found this helpful
  2. Birdy77
    Valued Contributor
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    Birdy77 avatar
    2299 posts
    8 September 2018 in reply to ScarlettR

    Hi Scarlett,

    I am so glad you had a lovely time today!

    Do you have plans to see this lady again?

    I think nerves are kinda natural after a successful date ... (or unsuccessful dates!) .... but I do understand your concern.

    But you are 30 years old and there is no pressure to tell your parents anything at all until you are ready.

    Having had your first date, now you can enjoy a second, third, fourth date and into infinity before you tell your folks.

    It is actually your business and not theirs.

    Don't pressure yourself, just take it as if you're building a new friendship (this last sentence was from my beautiful lady-partner 😊).

    I am always happy to talk to you.

    🌻birdy

    1 person found this helpful
  3. Croix
    Community Champion
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    Croix avatar
    10214 posts
    9 September 2018 in reply to ScarlettR

    Dear ScarlettR~

    Birdy is right, there is no rush to do anything about your parents. I would hope this beginning leads to a place where you have someone to rely upon and care for - and fell secure and cared for in return.

    If that happens there will be two of you supporting each other as you deal with others. Sometimes parents can surprise. As one myself my overriding concern is that any offspring's prospective partner has those qualities that are important: honesty, strength, love and kindness (plus a sense of humor too if possible). Gender does not really come into it.

    I'm glad for you that you are finding someone.

    Croix

    1 person found this helpful
  4. ScarlettR
    ScarlettR avatar
    48 posts
    9 September 2018 in reply to Birdy77

    Thank you, Birdy77. We are still in contact on the HER app. We both live in Victoria - she lives in Altona North, and I live in Melbourne CBD. So close contact is a possibility. We may catch up again in a week or so, it depends on our schedules.

    But yeah, it's an amazing experience, and nothing went wrong at all. I have told a friend about it, and he is happy and supportive for me.

    It is day after date, and I feel OK and normal again, and thinking about the date in a general way, with no anxiety.

    Yes, my love life is my business, not my parents. I'll see how this progresses - I think the female is cute and really friendly.

    1 person found this helpful
  5. ScarlettR
    ScarlettR avatar
    48 posts
    9 September 2018 in reply to Croix

    Thank you, Croix. I am happy to be back in the dating scene after 4 years.

    1 person found this helpful
  6. Birdy77
    Valued Contributor
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    Birdy77 avatar
    2299 posts
    10 September 2018 in reply to ScarlettR

    Dear Scarlett,

    I am really happy to hear that your anxiety calmed down the next day. It could have been excitement and trepidation and apprehension from not having been on a date for a while. I remember that feeling ...

    Sounds like a good plan: see how things pan out this week and how you're feeling about it all, and if it feels right, maybe organise a second date next weekend or something.

    Enjoy the feeling!

    🌻birdy

    1 person found this helpful

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