I guess this is something I should ask on the LGBT forum. I'm a woman who's mostly attracted to women, and I'm not out at all to my conservative Christian family.
Fortunately, I moved out of home as soon as I could, and have lived out of home for the past seven years. It's been hard for me to come to terms with my sexuality, but I think I need to accept that I'm probably a lesbian rather than "a bisexual who'll hopefully end up with a guy so it's less scary re my family".
Unfortunately, the pandemic means I might have to move back home. On the one hand, I'm very grateful that I can still move back, though I honestly don't know what would happen if my parents found out. I'd probably just have to hide my sexuality and not date anyone (not that I could anyway; my parents live in the middle of nowhere and I don't drive, due to a disability) until I could move out again, which could take years.
My mum is already ratcheting up the pressure for me to move home. She knows I'm atheist, and I'm scared she suspects the sexuality thing as well. She claims I should be happy I wouldn't be "out on the street" if I ran out of money, but there are honestly a lot of situations I'd rather be in than living there -- not the actual street, but like sharing a room with someone or living on a couch or something.
They always mention religious stuff in front of me and then act really, really hurt if I don't engage positively, when actually it hurts me so much inside because of what that religion made me believe about myself and my sexuality for my whole teens (also the Hell stuff scared me in general, for reasons unrelated to sexuality). I know my mum believes I'm evil just for being an atheist; she has basically told me as much, and has said so much bad stuff to me about both atheists and lesbians.
She acts like she's enlightened because she claims to think that non-Christian people don't actually go to Hell, but rather than their souls are obliterated when they die and their relatives forget about them. And then gets all misty-eyed and expects me to sympathise with her and how progressive she is.
I just feel so hopeless. If I live with my parents, I won't be able to have a social life, let alone a romantic one, let alone a lesbian romantic one, for who knows how many years. How old will I be before I can even start living life and constructing some sort of future for myself? 28? 30? Older?
I keep staying up all night crying about this.