Hi Kara , so happy for you . It's awesome . All changes now . Sure will be difficult bits but your on the take off roll now . Congratulations .xxxx

It was 5 months before I was able to talk with another trans person . Finding her and talking was an extremely important step . It helped so much with the isolation ( both geographical and mental ) .

By the way , it is not a problem , trans is a gift ! Xxxx lol ❤

Jo&LD 🐾💃

Once again thank you Jo for your ongoing support it has meant a lot to me.

I do understand better now that it's not a problem as you said it's a gift.

I thankful having you and others that I can communicate with as my wife is still struggling to talk about anything that's happening right now and I do understand it unfortunately just adds to the isolation.

I tried to share what happened yesterday with my sister's and though they are being supportive they also are having difficulties with the changes because I thought I was good news worth sharing.

So I am being as understanding as I can be with those around me and just trying not to over share with them right now.

But hopefully getting a better understanding of the process when I get an appointment with shine.

Trying to feel better and freee from the burden I have carried for way to long.

Kara

Hi Kara , little steps . Sometimes ( it seems ) things seem way to slow .

Apologies to , the complexity of your situation is quite different to mine . We are here for you to chat with though.

Lol from the never never , Jo 👍

First of all how is everyone it's been a little while since my last post.

Quick update mums back home no more hospitals for now, which is good news for everyone especially her.

The other good news is that I have had a call today from Shine SA (Hyde Street Practice) we had a long conversation about my situation and what comes next.

So I now need to wait for them to contact me to arrange two appointments to discuss in depth all aspects of my needs and plans plus all details of health etc for my transition journey.

I believe that this is the beginning of the informed choice process as the first appointment is full on but the second is discuss all aspects of the HRT program.

So once again slow and steady progress but it's progress which is most important to me.

The time line is approximately 2 months but having waited 50 years a couple of months is nothing.

So once I have some more details I will share them with you.

Once again thanks to this wonderful supportive community that has been so helpful in keeping me focused and mentally healthy over the last couple of months.

Kara

Hi Kara! Hi Jo!

Kara, great news about your mum being well again.

Shine sound wonderfully helpful and informative.

I’m sorry it’s not easy to share with others around you at the moment.

Is your wife able to talk with a trusted friend or GP? She may experience a range of emotions and may not feel right discussing them with you (or your sisters) at first. I’ve certainly been there, and I still need my own supports.

Good to hear of your steady progress. Wishing you the best with each step.

Lillylane

Hi Lillylane I have been reaching out to some local groups to try and find some people from the community that I can talk with and have found a couple locally that I am going to make face to face contact with in the coming weeks, which will be a relief. I also joined the LGBTIQA Elders Australia group has also been very helpful with starting discussions with people my own age with similar experiences.

Unfortunately my wife hasn't spoken with anyone about what is going on which is really starting to worry me as I feel she needs some sort of support but won't seek it out.

I do understand that it's difficult for her to communicate with anyone about this as it's still pretty raw but there are a couple of other people I shared with that I hoped she might make contact with but not so far.

Not sure if she ignoring it and hoping it will go away or refusing to deal with it, I don't blame her in anyway for how she's dealing with it but I think it's unhealthy. We talk all the time about everything else in our life but this I wish that she would reach out to someone but it's not her way.

The point is that this isn't just going to go away after suffering for so long with GD. I still love her very much but I don't think it's mutual at the moment it feels more like just friends, which is better than nothing.

Hope everything is well in your world, all I can do for now is follow the process and see where the journey takes me, It's hard having to wait for everything start but it's the way the system works as it's over loaded and in dire need of extra resources. I guess having to wait a couple of months is nothing having waited 50 years to begin my journey.

Kara

Well things have changed I followed up yesterday with Shine about my call back about my appointment with the councillor only to be told the reason I had a call was because I hadn't submitted my mhcp.

This is totally incorrect as I only spoke with the coordinator last week and they confirmed that all was good and they had it.

Now I have lost two weeks with no action and I have to madly re-submit my plan again and hope that they don't loose it or it doesn't get there.

I two weeks is a long time but right now where I am at it feels like a life time as I am feeling more isolated than prior to coming out and desperately need to talk with someone face to face.

Sorry to sound so desperate but it's just where mental health is right now.

Kara

Hi Kara , how very disappointing about MHCP . So sorry you have to deal with that .

Totally get the isolation to . Are there any trans groups locally that you might contact ? Just an idea . I live a very long way from nearest trans groups so has not been an option for me but one I would have investigated if I was much closer to them .

look after yourself and we are here to .

Jo W ( hugs )

Hi Jo I have been reaching out to various groups my timing has just been a bit off and missed the last events and there nothing until July but I am keeping in contact with the group.
The unfortunate problem for me was that I miss understood what it meant when my wife and sisters said that they would support me.
I thought that would mean that I could share any good news about what was happening and also occasionally some not so good news.
The reality of the support never happened as I tried to reach out and share a couple of things with them only to be rejected because they weren't ready to deal any new information and was also told that they were grieving this I didn't understand as I am not dead. I haven't had any physical changes as I haven't started any treatments. My wife refuses to deal with it and things have been very tense, nearly separated yesterday. I refused to give in and we sorted some of the issues out this morning.

My sisters haven't spoken to me since the rejection so this is why things haven't been great in regards to being able to communicate with my family.

Spent yesterday talking with beyond blue councilor for about 1hr and spoke with lifeworks which is a company funded service and made a booking with a councilor for next week.

So due to the mhcp problem I still haven't been able to speak with a councilor from Shine which is something that I feel I really need right now.

Once again I waiting on a appointment to speak with the doctors at Shine but that is still along way off approximately 2 month wait.

I don't know what more I can do to get on top things I just keep trying.

At the moment I feel like I done something bad and am being punished for it. Me coming out was supposed to relieve the burden I have carried and be something good. All I seem to have done swapped my GD burden for isolation and no one to talk with.

I told my wife that all of the people I have reached out through the forum and Facebook groups know more about what is happening than my family.

I have tried to get them engage and look at some of the web sites etc but none of them are willing to do.

The main feedback I got this morning was that my wife can't cope with the physical changes, seems this is the biggest issue and well being seems secondary I keep saying I will still be me but wearing different clothes etc but the fell on deaf ears.

Once again thanks for being there for me.

Kara

Dear Kara, first of all - big hugs! I can hear how painful it must be when the response from loved ones is not what you had hoped for at this time.

A lot of what you’ve written about is familiar to me and my partner’s situation and I really feel for you.

Things with family will feel most turbulent now, but it will settle with time.

I feel terrible that my reaction 2 years ago was not great when my partner said she wanted to be called ‘mum’ instead of ‘dad’.

Things are very different now. A lot can change for the better.

We’ll be here for you.

My partner is just about to come out to people at work and feels nervous but at the same time ready.

I’ll write a little more again later tonight.

Lillylane

Lillylane thank you for your kind words of support.

I have tried so hard to be understanding with my family and my wife because I know it's also very hard for them.

But unfortunately everyone seems to forgotten very quickly how hard it's been for me for the last 50 years.

I have learnt that when people say that they support it doesn't always mean what you were thinking it would be.

I am desperately trying to get my wife to look at the right information about what gender dysphoria is and what it means.

She's jumped so far into the future and has got fixated on the things that she can't do to support me.

She's worried about not being able to take me clothes shopping.

This is a long long way in the future right now.

We resolved some of the issues but I am unsure about the future together right now.

What said yesterday was though she said she would support me for now but not sure about the future, three week's later and we're on verge of seperating.

I asked her didn't the last 40 years we spent mean anything and was it worth fighting for.

I feel like I am being punished by family and my wife for doing something bad.

I know it has hurt them but again everyone is more focused on the physical changes and me presenting as female.

There have been no changes as I haven't even started any treatment of HRT.

I made little changes by starting electrolysis to remove facial hair and started looking after myself better.

I have lost 10 kgs and feel great about the changes.

The only other little thing I have done to help with the dysphoria is to sleep in a pair feminine knickers which I wear when I am at home.

Looking forward to hearing from you soon.

Love Kara

HI lillylane so I ran out of characters before and I just wanted to say I that everything goes well for husband with coming out at work.

It's a bif decision and hope that will fully supportive. Hopefully there across this in their HR policies.

It's one of the things was worrying me but gender identity is fully covered at my work.

Do you mind me asking which industry

Kara

Hi Kara , I am very sorry that this is happening in this way for you . I sort of get the response of family as it would be hard to comprehend the enormity of actually living with gender dysphoria day after day for such a long time .Trans itself is hard enough to understand. I guess that doesn't help how you feel right now though . Also understand as I feel most diverse folk do, the isolation . It really sucks and is the thing I have most problem with personally .

My phone doesn't ring much anymore and that is sad and hurtful but when those who don't ring finish processing things maybe that will change ? Hope so ?

Have you been getting enough sleep ? That for me has always been super important .

Hugs , and although we are only on a screen we really are here as well . Be warm safe and rested ,

Jo 🐾💃❤

Hi Jo I think that what hurts the most is the isolation. It seems that it's more about their own feeling and less about what I have lived with for so long and the amount of pain and suffering I have had to deal with.

I do understand that it's a lot to process but these people are the most important family members that I have and honestly thought that I could count on them based upon what was said when I came out to them.

I prepared myself for the worst possible out come and when things went well I thought that I got it so wrong so maybe things will work out. 3 weeks later and I might as well have been dead not one contact nothing not even a text message. So I reach and try and share some good news only to be shut down as they weren't ready to deal with it as they were still grieving. My question when did I die I haven't changed anything about myself other that a couple of minor things which aren't even visible to anyone.

They all seem tp fixated on having to deal with the long term change to my physical appearance and dealing with me presenting as female at some point. I kept try to reinforce that I am still going to be the same person on the inside only happier.

As I said during a conversation yesterday with my wife I would have had more love and attention if I was dying from cancer but because it's not a health issue that you can see they don't want to deal with it.

I even said I felt that I was being punished for doing something bad, I know that wanting to lead a happier life isn't wrong but are making feel like it is.

I am going to stay strong and am going to get the help I need no matter what I deserve to have a happy life I have done everything that was expected of me and I say no more. I can't roll this back now and must push on to my achieve my goals.

Please forgive me being a bit angry today but I have been deeply hurt by the way my family has treated me.

I told my wife that all of the people who I made contact with through the forum and direct contact know more about what I am going through which is sad.

Will talk again a bit later once I hopefully get some good news this week about counseling.

Kara

Hi Kara

Thanks so much for your posts.

Had hoped to write earlier sorry - just couldn’t find the right time to sit down this weekend and order my thoughts.

I wanted to ask my partner too about those early days of coming out to me and family, and looking back, what would have been helpful for her back then.

Here are her wise words for you :)

You’re going to get there. And so is everyone else.

Try and let go of expectations of others.

Keep seeking out other trans people for support and connection (she really emphasised this).

My partner works in a large organisation which thankfully has a good HR department. She has spoken to a trusted person there and worked out a plan on how to inform colleagues of her new name etc.

Keep talking with us.

Take care Kara. I admire your determination through these challenges.

Lillylane

Thank you Lillylane for your help during these trying times I just wish that my wife could talk to someone like you to get a better understanding of the whole situation because her denial isn't helping her or me. I am trying to very supportive and understanding of her because I care for her deeply but after talking with over the weekend I feel my feelings are stronger for her than hers for me.

She has cut off contact with the people whom I trusted the bring along on my journey and this worries me because I know that it's not helping anyone.

I am seeking out as much help as I possibly can but I am just unsure about so much I have embraced the LGBTIQA Elders Australia group as well as the LGBTIQ Adelaide as well as Pride of the South and I am planning on attending events to meet with others as soon as there is an opportunity.

I met up on line with some wonderful women who have so helpful to me but as yet I have only spoken with woman a couple weeks ago that I wanted to meet face to face but because of her job we can't meet on the weekends which would have been very helpful.

I do understand that most probably my expectations were to high about the initial support that I would get from my family and my wife so I have to wait and let them come to me as I don't think right now I could handle anymore rejection.

I know what I want more than anything right now is for someone to hold me and tell me it's going to okay but right now I know that's not going to happen I can only hope somewhere in the future that I can.

Now unfortunately I am stuck in limbo waiting for the professional support that I need to come due to how the system works.

I wanted to try and help those around me who I care a lot about to understand fully what having GD really means and how destructive it is has been to me but as most of us at times do we focus on how this will affect them but somehow I seem to have been lost in the process and I am being left out of the conversation.

I am very happy for both you and your partner that you seemed to have managed this together and stayed together. I am still hopeful for now we might still make through this as it won't be due a lack of trying on my half because one thing we have never done during our relationship is walk away from each other when things have gotten tough.

I was hoping that 39 years of marriage meant something.

Here from you again soon.

Kara

0600, -0.6 mmm a warm one ?

Hi Kara and Lilylane ,

Kara it is all mixed up ( completely ) right now . Huge virtual hugs ( best can do ❤ ) . Lilylanes partner is very helpful I feel . Dont think I can add to what she has said . It is very raw for me and I feel the pain hugely . You are unique and beautiful and we all love you !

Take very good care of Kara , please get some rest xxxxxxx

Lilylane , thank you and your partner . xxx

Jo ❤hugs xxxx

Hi Jo I don't know what I would do without you and Lillylane both of you have been so helpful and supportive of everything that I am dealing with.

I hate where I am right now as I desperately want to be happy and I won't those around me see how much happier I will be once I start the process and achieve my goals.

For now I I will continue to try and find my way through all of the issues that are in front of me and try to remain in control. Yesterday was the first day in 3 weeks that I haven't broken down crying uncontrollably I am trying get through 1 day at a time but not sure as I have a counselling session tomorrow and they tens to be very emotional.

My wife can't cope with me crying at times so I am having to find somewhere on my own to let go if she is at home, I know that it's not that she doesn't care she doesn't know what to do.

If she would talk to me more I could help her to help me, just by talking to me and tying to get a better understanding of GD because what ever information she getting about it's wrong.

She's so confused about what it means to support me she thinks it's taking me clothes shopping and things like that and it's not what I need now. Maybe in the future as things progress I will need help with this but not right now as it's a long way off. I just need her to listen to me and reach out to others in my family who know what's happening. Unfortunately this isn't what's happening and she is very much in the denial stage but her denial is my biggest concern because I am concerned about her mental health but this is how she deals a lot of things.

My sisters aren't helping either because of the way that they have dealt with me since coming out but I know she's avoiding them also so that she doesn't have to discuss anything about the issue.

So for mow I will continue to reach to others I have found until I can get to meet with Shine and speak with a professional councillor, which desperately need right now.

I will leave it there for now, once thanks to all of you for your support.

Kara

Hi everyone I just got a little bit of good news as Shine have advised that they received my MHCP and will be calling me this afternoon to set up an appointment.

I was a great sense of relief to at least hear this from them today so maybe I am getting underway (slowly) but I am moving forward.

Really needed to hear some good news.

Kara

Hi again I know that I have been a bit down lately but great news I have finally got my first appointment with Shine 15th July will really signal that my journey has really begun.

I just feel so excited to have gotten my appointment so now I can really start to find the happiness that's been missing for so long.

Still along way off for the doctors appointment but it's a new beginning.

I know I have been angry, hurt & upset lately and you all have listened to me and showed me nothing but love and kindness and understanding.

I hope when my turn comes that I will able to support someone else like you all have supported me.

Thanks to everyone for keeping me grounded and focused your support has got me to where I am today.

Looking forward to more good news in the coming months.

Kara

Oh that’s great you have an appointment set up now. All moving forward :)

take care,

Lillylane

Hi Kara , that is awesome news . Kara , apologies are not necessary . There is just so very much going on for you right now . Grab any rest you can .

Look forward to travelling with you and am so glad that there is action to capture your focus now .

Thank you very much to Lilylane 👍 , invaluable xx

Jo 🐾💃❤

Hi everyone just quick update had my first counselling session with the work provided councillor it was okay but as they don't specialise with gender issue and of course GD it was helpful just as got to speak with someone else.

Very non specific advice but some of it was still helpful. I have been asked to start a journal of my emotions and what triggers them, good & bad going to give it a go. I have another session in two weeks so it won't do any harm to keep up the conversation with them until my appointment with Shine.

One thing that the councillor advised me to do was let go of other peoples expectations. This is my time and I need to embrace what this change will mean to me now & in the future.

I am feeling a little bit better each day and haven't had a good cry for 3 days so that's just little wins each day.

That's all for now.

Love to all

Kara

Well it seems that though the wheels were moving slowly over the last few weeks the pace has really picked up.

I have had another call tonight from shine and I have got my first appointment. So my journey really is gaining momentum first appointment 25th August and the 9th of September.

I am so excited now that all of the stress of having to wait has eased as I can now just focus on the up coming dates going be some exciting times ahead.

Going to enjoy the coming weeks and counting down the days.

Love

Kara

Hi I hope everyone is well.

So last night I heard for the first time the current attitude that is hurting our community. I didn't know how to react at first because it took me by surprise. I was in the middle of a visit to my dental for regular teeth cleaning. and so how we got onto the discussion about our community.

During the conversation she told me that she didn't treat anyone differently because we are all just human beings. All good so far but them she said that she wished that the LGBTIQA didn't protest about everything because it just draws unnecessary attention to them.

I just didn't know what to say to this due my emotional issues I was so shocked and I had to compose myself and come up with a suitable response because she didn't that I about my transgender situation.

In the end the only polite thing that I could think of to say was yes we are all human beings but this is attitude that makes the LGBTIQA frustrated because the LGBTIQA community isn't invisible and are a part of our society and have the right to be heard about the poor treatment violence and discrimination that happens everyday.

So to have to bring this up but it was really difficult to hear and as I am just finding my way in our community it was very frustrating to hear this and I guess I will hear again and again.

I can only imagine what everyone else has experienced in the past, quite upset when I left.

Everything else is good right now.

Kara

Hi Kara , still here . how are you feeling now ? Look after you and I will keep on saying , get rest !!

I have seen a little bit of trans phobia but I don't look for it or expect it . It can hurt to . Think it is different out here ( in the never never ) there is a huge need for education ( people kick back when they perceive fear of the unknown ). We could use at least 3 more culturally accepted genders for a start . Today the kids are far more knowledgeable and accepting on this matter of gender and variation .

I am passionate about educating as it seems most folk will look at non threatening things and we all have a good heart at our beginning ( I hope and think ).

Lol from the never never , hugs xxx

Jo

Hi Jo nice to hear from you.

I have been in a much better place since getting all of my appointments sorted out this week.

Just counting down the week's and months until my first one.

Yes it was a bit of shock when I was confronted with this attitude I am sure that it won't be the last time I hear this type of attitude, just disappointed.

You are right about the younger generation they're far more accepting and far more understanding than our generation was raised to be.

One of my nieces accidentally found out about me being transgender and my sister spoke to so she could understand what it meant.

Her response to my sister was good on him.

I had long talk with shine the other day about joining their peer support group which sounds really good.

It's a great opportunity to meet with others to gain a greater understanding of our community and be able to discuss any concerns about transitioning with someone whose lived it.

I told them that when the opportunity comes up I would love to be given an opportunity to repay love, compassion and understanding that's been shown to me by everyone I spoken with.

Looking forward to our next chat.

Kara

Hi Lillylane just want to say hello and check in and find out how things went for your partner the other day when she presented for the first as female at her work. I hope it all went well and was fully accepted by her work colleagues.

Kara

Hi everyone just a quick update nothing much has changed had been a really good place all of last week, I guess that's a big win after all of the previous weeks.

Yesterday my GD bit me hard for no reason no triggers just out of the blue just totally overwhelmed me.

All I suddenly want to do was to get out of my male clothes and get of my skin it was like I was on fire. Had a bit of trouble getting it under control but I got lucky and one of the volunteers from Shine made some time to talk things through with me which really helped me calm down.

She told me that this is what GD can do and there is more like this to come. I have to find a way recognise this early and when it starts to come on and find away to deal with it.

One day at a time and I know I can get through this and deal with all of the changes as they come along, good and bad.

Kara

Dear Kara, thanks for checking in. My partner hasn’t told her workplace yet. I’m not sure when she will. Probably in the next month I’m guessing. Will let you know how it goes and what we learn along the way.

I think most of her workmates will be kind and supportive. Maybe one or two of her colleagues might be troubled by their own closed-mindedness - but who knows!

I’m sorry to hear the GD was overwhelming yesterday. Well done for reaching out for help and I’m glad the shine volunteer was able to talk with you.

I wish I could help. Except to say that seeing my partner make changes over time, I have seen her become much more comfortable with her own appearance and with the sound of her own voice.

Voice training was one of the first things she wanted to do once she started her transition. And facial hair removal.

She can be very self-critical. Sometimes she doesn’t realise how much her voice has changed until she hears a recording of her ‘old’ voice.

It’s understandable that progress must feel painfully slow and I would never be able to know just how frustrating it must be.

You will get through this! Absolutely!

Thanks for keeping us updated and glad we can chat here openly.

Lillylane