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Forums / Sexuality and gender identity / Considering leaving my boyfriend, for a woman.

Topic: Considering leaving my boyfriend, for a woman.

5 posts, 0 answered
  1. ChrissyStar
    ChrissyStar avatar
    46 posts
    17 February 2018
    I am in a sexless relationship of +5yrs. It used to depress me in a major way as sex was a way I kept my happy biochemicals topped up. I have since passed through this and found other ways to balance my biochemicals. However, I am increasingly finding I fantasize about being with a woman. I even dream about it and wake up on cloud nine, as if I have just spent the night with a beautiful, soft, gentle, loving woman - experienced everything I crave in love making but don't get in my waking life. Should I act on this and join an online dating service for same sex relationships? Or should I try 'couples counselling' (even though I hardly think talking is going to help, because attraction is a physical thing - not a mental thing, right)?
    1 person found this helpful
  2. Just Sara
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    Just Sara avatar
    3397 posts
    18 February 2018 in reply to ChrissyStar

    Hey and welcome Chrissy;

    If it wasn't mental, then why would you feel so amazing during a dream? No sex for 5 yrs? Wow, I know that one. I really feel for you. Have you any idea of the cause/reasons? Have you tried discussing it? I know that sounds ignorant, but it does happen.

    We fantasise with our minds because it makes us feel good. Our body responds most of the time just as it would if physical. The brain's in charge of this, it's not a choice.

    If you see this fantasy as your issue, a visit with a psychologist or sex therapist might be better to begin with. That way you can be prepared for couples therapy or same sex connections.

    Acting out fantasies can be quite daunting. People are real and act in their own interest, whereas dream characters are there to support the subconscious in giving you information. It's totally different. I'm not a professional, so my advice is only from experience and self insight. It's up to you which way you go ok.

    Dreams can be very powerful when pleasure and emotions are involved. Talking about it can help to identify what's going on and why it came up at this particular time.

    I hope I've helped, or at least given you something to chew on.

    Talk here whenever you want. It's a safe and reputable place to vent or question life.

    Kind thoughts;

    Sez

    2 people found this helpful
  3. bindi-QLD
    bindi-QLD avatar
    211 posts
    18 February 2018 in reply to ChrissyStar

    Hi ChrissyStar,

    I have crazy sex dreams too, I love them. But I have the same view as Sez, they are dreams, they make me feel good and really don't have anything to do with the reality of relationships with human people.

    Some things changed with me after some major surgery I had, and I find sex less rewarding and painful. I'm too scared/lazy/unmotivated to ask or instruct my partner how to make me happy. So crazy sex dreams it is. I really feel that could be fixed, I just haven't haven't made it a priority, because awkward.

    PS. Just my values, so take them with a grain of salt, don't join a dating agency behind your partner's back if you think he'd be devastated by it.

    2 people found this helpful
  4. Birdy77
    Valued Contributor
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    Birdy77 avatar
    2299 posts
    18 February 2018 in reply to ChrissyStar

    Hi Chrissy,

    What is your relationship with your boyfriend like, apart from it being sexless? Do you love him? If you talked to him and you could work out the sex part, would you feel happy with him? Because the fantasising could just be that you're unfulfilled sexually. On the other hand, it could be something more.

    Oh, and do you want to have sex with your boyfriend?

    It comes down to you and your relationship and if you feel it's worth having the discussion to fix the sex part, or if you don't want to stay with him, then a different kind of discussion.

    🌻birdy

  5. bindi-QLD
    bindi-QLD avatar
    211 posts
    18 February 2018 in reply to bindi-QLD

    Hi Chrissystar and anyone reading,

    I just realised `crazy' sex dreams was poor choice of words there, I am so sorry about that. I am a huge LGBT supporter, and debated tooth and nail for equal marriage rights, so don't think any of that is crazy. Its just my dreams that seem crazy, because they are so surreal.

    Hope noone read that the wrong way, but in case they did, especially you Chrissy, I wanted to clarify. Was really rushed today, sorry!

    X

    2 people found this helpful

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