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Forums / Sexuality and gender identity / Cyber Bullying and Harassment. Life is hard.

Topic: Cyber Bullying and Harassment. Life is hard.

9 posts, 0 answered
  1. 2quik
    2quik avatar
    216 posts
    15 March 2020

    Hi everyone,

    I post often when things are just hard and I am going through too much, so some will know a bit about my life and current circumstances. Very recently (the last 2 days) I was a victim of cyber bullying and harassment through an online Facebook Group for the LGBT+ Community. I have photo shots of everything that happened. I have left the group. Yesterday was a horrible day to say the least. I completely disassociated quite severely. I am not still not fully back today at all. It cannot take anymore hits. I have already taken 3 other massive hits this week.

    I just counted how many people were in on this now from my evidence. 25 people bullied and harassed me in less than 25 hours. I did not retaliate nor fuel it any further. I only asked for it to please stop or I would take further action. I did some research about what I could do. Not a heck of a lot really. I just did what was available to me. I made an online official report today to the Australian Cyber Security Centre. It has now been referred to the WA Police. I may or may not get a call to make a formal statement. Apparently in WA it is against the law and there are consequences should the police decide to take any action. Online Bullying and Harassment is looked at, the same as if it were done in person. That is according to what I have read. After doing this I then reported it to Facebook. They are not very helpful at this stage. They will investigate and get back to me. That is all I know. I am not sure what they are going to investigate without knowing what happened. I do however intend on telling them that it has been reported and that I have a report number.

    I do not know how I feel. It's hard to identify at the moment. I am up and down and every other which way you can be. I have always struggled with trust and safety issues. Continuous work. Now they have flared up massively again and I feel like I just no longer care about working on it. I am getting weaker and weaker to even get up anymore. One day if not already someone is going to kick me down and there will be no getting back up. Yesterday I could not even stand on my feet. I have my partner and here for support. Cant be bothered trying anything else. I'm too exhausted. I have lost faith in humanity after this. People are cruel and no reason is good enough for what I went through. I am not expecting anything to be done about it at all. I have reported it and that is the best I can do.

    1 person found this helpful
  2. Quercus
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Quercus avatar
    3415 posts
    15 March 2020 in reply to 2quik

    Hi 2quik,

    Sorry if this doesn't make sense. I'm finding it hard to talk lately.

    You said something that I found myself nodding along with.

    Cant be bothered trying anything else. I'm too exhausted. I have lost faith in humanity after this. People are cruel and no reason is good enough

    I hear you loud and clear on this. Feel the same way. When I'm hurt and a mess it feels safer to shut out the world and reject everyone before they can reject me.

    But... Even though it doesn't feel like it right now there are people in this world who are genuinely kind. Shutting down and pushing everyone away doesn't truly help because you'll push away the support you need too.

    Sometimes that's why I think the forums feel safe to me. Because I can choose how close I let anyone get. Sad huh.

    As to the bullies online... Feel you there too. I found naked images shared of me in my late teens last year. The choices left to me were very limited and not really enough.

    It feels uniquely horrible and invasive to be attacked by someone online. It is so public and there is very little control you have once things are published online. I don't think people easily understand the impact if they haven't experienced it.

    Your post helped to read somehow. Misery loving company perhaps? But somehow I've felt the worst thing has been my loss of trust in humanity. I've always been optimistic and lately I feel like this has broken something inside.

    I suppose I wanted to post just to be here with you. I can't make anything better or change what those horrible people did to you.

    March 20 is the National day against cyberbullying and violence. I hope that means you'll see more information out there about options and supports available to you. Personally though I find a partner you can trust and be open with is the most important support. I'm glad you have a supportive partner.

    Online abuse made me realise how low my self esteem truly is and that is something I CAN control or try to. What those jerks said has clearly thrown you and hurt you. Can you think of anything that makes you feel good about yourself that you can focus on right now when you're feeling so low?

    It might not mean much but I'm thankful that you are here and talking openly. It's the first time in days I've written something without deleting it. Thank you.

    ❤ Nat

  3. 2quik
    2quik avatar
    216 posts
    15 March 2020 in reply to Quercus
    Hi Nat,

    It made sense. I go through long periods of not wanting to talk and I am perfectly happy and fine with that. I find it amusing that it is so alarming to society. Silence in every way is great.

    I also do not subscribe to the fact that ALL people are hard wired to want connection and social interaction. I don't want it and actually have been far happier without it. It is when I have tried to connect with people and tried to socialise, life has become so complicated and full of problems. So I have FINALLY reached the point where I no longer feel the need to socialise or connect and I feel nothing is actually wrong with me.

    I think self preservation and choosing how close you let anyone get is not a bad thing either. It depends. Do you feel miserable and lonely without people? I don't really. People are just not my thing at all.

    I am very sorry that you found that disturbing content of yourself online. That is NEVER OK AT ANY TIME. I know how violated you felt plus everything else that comes with it. It is a very personal experience to have gone through and no one can possibly understand and most people are not good at putting themselves in another persons shoes.

    Funny you mention optimistic. I said to my partner last night, any optimism and belief I had about humanity has left me. I don't feel it is ever going to come back. It's not just about this event that took place, it was my last straw. People say stuff when they are hurt, it won't change when the wound becomes a scar. I don't have any faith left nor trust at all.

    Thank you for posting and sharing with me as well as just to be here with me for a short while. These people were full of hatred, contempt, pack animal mentality, out for blood, wanted a target and just wanted a fight. It took a piece of me though, that I know. I am non-binary. As a result of this happening I completely denounce the entire community worldwide. I will NEVER be part of it any way, shape nor form whatsoever.

    I am lucky to have an amazing partner. I am content and that is enough for me. Cyber Bullying and Violence is a huge issue now and I do understand why people take their lives. It can push one that far. I am so low I cannot think of anything good really. Ill get there when I get there. I had a horrendous week this week and this just topped the cake. I like it here cause I can help people without being directly involved.

    I am grateful you replied and shared with me. Thank you.

    Lee.
    1 person found this helpful
  4. smallwolf
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
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    smallwolf avatar
    3469 posts
    15 March 2020 in reply to 2quik

    Sorry to hear about the horrible week you had. Part of the problem is that everyone believes they are entitled to share their opinion and do so with no filter between brain and their mouth. It is a shame people do not follow the adage of if you cannot say it someone in a public space then dont say it at all. The other thing is what is said in written form will likely have the same effect as something said verbally and somewhat more permanent. Your loss of faith in humanity would be expected and natural. In the space know that you are just as worthwhile and valuable as the next person.

    Tim

    1 person found this helpful
  5. 2quik
    2quik avatar
    216 posts
    16 March 2020 in reply to smallwolf
    Hi Tim,

    It went too far. This was a vicious pack mentality. 25 people all up out for my blood on that specific day. This was not at all opinion sharing without a filter between head and mouth. It was cold, calculated, methodical and a very serious incident.

    It happened in Facebook. I reported it to Facebook and they just kept coming back it did not go against their community guidelines. No evidence was asked for and the continuos responses were automated. Not from a real person.

    I know I'm not the first it has happened to in that specific group and won't be the last. In saying that it did happen to me. All of them were out for blood and they chose heinous forms of cruelty. I'm actually not a FB user Tim. I originally put a note up to see if there was any interest in a MeetUp Group as I saw there was a need not being met. I unfortunately due to it being late and the volume of responses I was getting misunderstood a question asked of me. I was not nasty or mean in my reply even though I could have been.

    That was the beginning of the end. I actually turned off commenting so it would stop. I asked politely for them to stop. After that cause they had no access to me, they created a new post to continue on the bullying, harrassment, stripping my worth and laughing at me when I could get in a word to explain the miscommunication. It would not have mattered what I had said, this was deliberate with no plan of stopping till they drove me out.

    The impact it has had on me and my life is severe. It's a permanent change. I'm not going to be the same. No one cares what happened and I know there is going to be no justice for me because it's still ok to do this in the world. I've reported it as I said. Whether the police feels it's worthy of an investigation or not who knows. I don't feel worthy.
  6. smallwolf
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    smallwolf avatar
    3469 posts
    16 March 2020 in reply to 2quik

    What you are describing is a real and serious problem and from what I have seen is on the rise. It exists on may social media platforms. I am unsure of what sites can be posted, so in general terms if you google

    what to do about cyberbullying

    there are many pages with hints, tips and ideas. Perhaps the most important things to remember are that "If someone is threatening bullying or harassing you on-line, police want to know about it. You don’t have to put up with it and police can take action" (source: https://www.police.nsw.gov.au/safety_and_prevention/safe_and_secure/online_safety/online_safety_accordian/cyberbullying)

    and for more information on reporting see...

    https://bullyingnoway.gov.au/RespondingToBullying/ReportingBullying/Pages/Reporting-to-other-authorities.aspx

    Lastly, and regarding worthiness... this is something I heard from Brene Browne who mentioned she has the names on a small sheet of paper of those who opinions matter. If your name is not on that list what you say does not matter. It is hard to change the our minds work, but worth thinking about. You do matter, and their thoughts or comments do not reflect you as a person.

    Tim

  7. 2quik
    2quik avatar
    216 posts
    18 March 2020 in reply to smallwolf
    Hi Tim,

    Thanks for looking up that extra information.

    It's been handed over to the WA police. I don't know anymore than that. The nervous breakdown I'm having takes front row seat right now. Yes, if it was just an opinion I could get over it easier. This was outright slander,name calling, put downs and extremely abusive from 8 or so particular individuals. All up 77 comments from a targeted attack after I turned off commenting on post. They specifically started a new post so they could keep going. I notified Admin and asked them to please do something about it. They didn't stop it. In fact supported it. I can't even talk about it. It's just too much.
  8. Peace2be
    Peace2be avatar
    1 posts
    30 March 2020 in reply to 2quik
    Hi 2quik,

    I was browsing through the beyond blue app until i saw your post and had to register asap so I could leave you a message, as I can relate. Our experiences are almost identical.

    However, what is not acceptable, is when a this behaviour is from a LGBTIQ
    Community organisation. It is not ok for anyone to do this full stop.

    Unfortunately there doesn't appear to be the right support to stop this outside legal action, which most people bullied won't go through due to different reasons.

    I'm not sure what the solution is but there has to be consequences of some sort to stop this behaviour. Whether provoked or not, this online focus to humiliate someone, making sure they feel excluded, is pure nastiness.

    A few thoughts that I may help hopefully:
    Although they shouldn't be allowed to do this. Do you want to part of a group that behaves like that?

    It may not seem like it but just because people didn't speak up online to stop it, doesn't mean they respect the group, they will be losing respect and credibility when people see that. They will have their own reasons for not speaking up so try not to assume their silence is their support of the group.

    I am not a lawyer, but am going to look at what can be done to have online bullying retracted and maybe an apology? Without legal action required as this will be needed now more than ever with the months we have ahead.

    Hopefully you feel better knowing that you sharing, may make a difference by stopping this behaviour :)
  9. 2quik
    2quik avatar
    216 posts
    30 March 2020 in reply to Peace2be
    Hello Peace2be,

    I am very grateful to you for joining and reaching out to me as a result of my post on here. I am very sorry you have had a similar experience to me.

    I agree that it is NOT OK for ANYONE to do this full stop. As a result of what happened I absolutely refuse to have ANYTHING at all with ANY LGBTQI folk no matter where they are in the world. That is how much damage it has done to me. I have completely renounced my own kind. Trust is completely severed.

    I tried to take legal action. I reported it to the ACSC. I contacted Facebook and outlined the whole story. I only got generic messages from Facebook literally the same messages after reporting. It was like it was automated and I had no option to talk to anyone at all.

    I took all the evidence I had and saved it to a file. The ACSC got back to me after a few days and said they can do nothing about it. I spoke to two different law firms and they both said they couldn't help. After that I had nothing left and sadly thought I have to let it go. I had no mental capacity left to cope. Apparently there is no set legislation for this in WA.

    As for being part of this group, I left straight after I collected all the evidence. I don't spend a lot of time on Facebook and didn't before this anyway.

    I'm not sure about others. I couldn't and still can't think about. I understand your point though.

    I asked Facebook to have it retracted and taken down. I would have asked the admin, both of the admin, one in particular clearly made the point that he was going to leave it all up to make an example of what is not tolerated in the community.

    All this because I misunderstood a question. I went on to garner interest for a Meetup group for women only. Many were keen. I wanted to help with the isolation in the community. I got asked if transwomen would be allowed to join and I mistakenly interpreted that as men who had either had an operation to become a woman or men who dressed like men. I have no problem whatsoever with either, in fact I welcome them and truly do love them, absolutely no judgement. It was just that if was specifically for women only. I didn't know that a transwoman these days was still a woman. I'm not up with the latest to be honest. It was truly an innocent mistake with no harm to anyone intended. After that it was all on. I didn't fight back, just asked for it to please stop and also an explanation of my mistake. No, they were set out to completely annihilate me. I was their victim. I know it's a huge problem these days and turning into a war. I choose to no longer associate myself with it and never will again.

    I'm not sure, if it helps someone great. Thank you so much for reaching out.

    2quik.

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