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Forums / Sexuality and gender identity / Don't know who I am?

Topic: Don't know who I am?

2 posts, 0 answered
  1. Quiper
    Quiper avatar
    1 posts
    20 August 2020

    For a very long time I have struggled with my sexuality. I have always been attracted to women and have been in relationships with mainly women and the odd relationship with men (opposite sex). I have never been in love the only love I feel is for my two young children. I have not been in a relationship for over 6 years and don't feel the need to be in one either, I struggle with intimacy which is generally what causes breakdowns when in relationships. I often think I'm asexual as intimacy is something I don't really care for but companionship is something I wish I had. The few times I thought about possibly wanting a relationship I struggle as I know the other person will want to have that intimacy which I can not give. I am feeling lost as to who I am and what I want I feel like my only description I can give to people is I'm a mum and cannot describe anything else as I have no idea who I am or what I want. I crave a companion but feel that is something I will not find.
    1 person found this helpful
  2. white knight
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    white knight avatar
    9207 posts
    20 August 2020 in reply to Quiper

    Hi, welcome

    So I’m a heterosexual 64yo man, what would I know ?

    What I do hold close to my chest is a number of values and beliefs that once shared, might help you.

    The singer Missy Higgins once hit the nail on the head when she said “sexuality is fluid” ... she meant that she followed her heart, regardless of gender.

    Many people have various hang ups that is wide ranging. Some can’t talk intimately, some can’t fall in love, some can’t commit or be considerate... so your barrier in not being able to be intimate is not uncommon and in fact with the right partner you might eventually improve especially with the guidance of an appropriate therapist. Anything is possible but I’d suggest you sound like you are lacking positive thinking as one core issue. However it’s best not to worry about such issues now, but concentrate on accepting yourself as a unique individual that the only rules to abide by are- your own.

    You are achieving a lot just being a mum, but on a personal level you have needs and deserve the comfort of a loving partner if that’s your goal,

    finally please place this in the search bar

    you are still a jigsaw piece


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