Hi and welcome to beyond blue.
There are so many questions I would like to ask you. And while I know very little about what it is like in your situation, I can listen to you tell your story.
There is also a man with depression, using drugs (for coping?) and if you allow me to suggest - a little confused or conflicted (?) about your relationship with your wife and being gay. And if there is nobody you feel you can talk to, all these thoughts grow inside you until they become unbearable.
Can I ask how honest you are with each other in your relationship? You mentioned that you told her you were bisexual, which does not sound like somebody who keeps a secret. On the other side you mentioned straying, and using drugs.
On one hand you said that you love your wife so much, that she is your world, and then say you only have half your heart in it.
As you said... you are not the only one going through this. There are many threads on the forums here with stories similar to yours. You might want to browse through some of their tales - in google search for
beyond blue gay husband
for example -
With all of that said, some conversations are difficult to have. For me it was talking to my wife about suicidal thoughts, and talking to her about my safety plan. She was stronger than me in telling her. I thought she would be overly worried for me.
Lastly, and I don't know your wife, but how will she really react if you tell her. Anger? Hurt? Perhaps she knew? Can you both work through this and move forward in some way? And if this is too difficult there is always an option of talking to someone.