Good morning everyone,
I've posted this in another thread, but think it should be here instead.
I feel a bit like a teenager, exploring, reading about LGBT and trying to find my true self. It is interesting and upsetting, but at least I am opening up to new possibilities. I remember and question things now, like always being a tomboy, my first love being same-sex...and then I got caught up in a hetero life... I feel better for looking into the possibilities, but won't make any life decisions until I feel a bit more stable with my mental health.
Same-sex? The words & questions are all still new to me :) Well same-sex back then was girl-girl. Now I live in a relationship as a woman with a man. I question my own gender and my sexuality and find it all pretty confusing. But I had advise to just explore and not to put pressure on myself and that it will never be too late to make a decision. So I take my time. I actually love my partner, but we haven’t had intimacy for a while now. I’m going through trauma therapy for CSA as well, so my world is pretty much turned upside down
I thought more about the question of same-sex, girl-girl. Now this is where I get confused. Yes it was a girl and I was a girl, but back then I passed as a boy, probably until my mid teens and even sometimes in my early 20s. I had a boyish nickname, short hair and I’ve always been around boys, now men. I knew back then that gay people existed, we had a guy in school who was gay. That was pretty much all I knew about sexuality. Gender wasn’t even discussed in my little town.
So I went into a hetero relationship and have been there ever since. Refused to have children. And always had this desire that I just wanted people to accept me as me, just the way I am - whatever that is. And that’s what I am trying to figure out. I can’t believe I walked around this world with the biggest blinders on my eyes!
Can anyone identify with this? I know I cannot be the only person who just completely blocked any other possibility out of their life, I know I've blocked my CSA very well until a few years ago, I guess gender & sexuality question got lost in that same blockade.