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Forums / Sexuality and gender identity / Gay 50s, lonely, at last won the 6 year cancer battle. Happy Days where are you..?

Topic: Gay 50s, lonely, at last won the 6 year cancer battle. Happy Days where are you..?

5 posts, 0 answered
  1. Natt xox
    Natt xox avatar
    4 posts
    11 May 2018

    Newby here, so glad l discovered this site, forums, and yes, we are all on a journey and have a story to tell.

    Been gay forever, never really struggled with it, selective who knew who didn't, lucky with work (travel industry) that generally accepting. Now in my late 50's and having struggled with the whole prostrate cancer journey and throwing everything at it including the kitchen sink, seem to be in the all clear (fingers and everything else crossed)

    This journey leaves one somewhat tired, depressed and lonely, not to mention what it does to ones confidence to being able to reconnect on all levels.

    Single, retired, having sold my B&B and attempting to reconnect with what my Dr. describes as the new norm?! Like so many other posts to these forums just not sure where and how to start over, how to reconnect. I don't have many friends, they get sorted when you have the "cancer journey" which is a shame, but somewhere in all that l formed a opinion of "just don't want to be a burden or annoy people" I live in Melbourne's west and just feel sad and disconnected.

    It really is a combination age, self isolation.... depression anxiety and helplessness.

    Did volunteering for the last 4 years, (to keep connected) had my own business for last 6 years (B&B in country) and now time for new beginnings ..or so l thought, but the loneliness, anxiety and depression is crippling.

    Not on the scene, never have been, just seemed to have been happy along the way sharing my journey with ex's. Cancer doesn't wear a watch and unfortunately was single at the time of getting on that bus!

    Feeling despair, sadness. I am on mild anti depressants and have a ok Doctor...just ok!

    l know there is more out there , l have been there. Natt

    1 person found this helpful
  2. marcus_c
    marcus_c avatar
    92 posts
    11 May 2018 in reply to Natt xox
    Hi Natt, congrats on winning the cancer battle! I hope I'll have your strength if I'm faced with the same challenge.

    It makes sense to me that you'd feel exhausted and a bit flat after coming out the other side. You must have devoted so many resources to just surviving that it feels like there should be a reward at the other end. Seeing that life has just carried on in the meantime for everyone else is tough, and how do you get back on the merry go round?

    I don't think the scene is the answer to your reconnection dilemma, in my experience it can end up making you feel more isolated. But the volunteering is a good way to bring you in contact with new groups of people, and I think that's the way to go. What other hobbies and interests do you have?
  3. Natt xox
    Natt xox avatar
    4 posts
    11 May 2018 in reply to marcus_c
    Hi Marcus, thanks for the post, yeah volunteering was good, but just felt after all those years wanted to do new things? I guess travel, renovating/restoring, collecting Objects d junk and gardening pretty much sums up my activities. Managed Travel Agencies in another life and that flowed onto buying the B&B. Then struck down by the cancer bus so really only been a couple of months of big breaths and seeking new beginnings. Just lonely times and at a age where l feel a need to get settled, enjoy, do nice long lunches, country drives, sunsets... you know like in the movies?! Again, thanks for caring. Cheers, Natt
  4. marcus_c
    marcus_c avatar
    92 posts
    11 May 2018
    Yep, I'm still looking for the all the stuff I've seen in the movies too. :) I know this sounds vague, but I think if you keep focusing your activities on things that are going to bring you into contact with new groups of people then you'll start to climb out of the hole.

    There are a lot of great neighbourhood groups on Facebook these days where people will share interests, look for people to house-sit, look after pets etc. You might find people who want to share gardening tips, or are after someone with a magic green thumb to help them out.

    The main thing is to keep reaching out even when you don't feel like doing it.
  5. Natt xox
    Natt xox avatar
    4 posts
    12 May 2018 in reply to marcus_c

    Hi, Thanks Marcus, yeah that was the plan, just baby steps and get and keep getting involved.

    Cheers, Natt

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