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Forums / Sexuality and gender identity / Gay and struggling

Topic: Gay and struggling

5 posts, 0 answered
  1. brett_s83
    brett_s83 avatar
    1 posts
    11 May 2014

    I'm a 30 year old male and have been in a same-sex relationship for about four years. I came out to my family just over a year ago finally having the guts to do so. I came out thinking that it would make things easier but unfortunately things seem to be worse. Nobody in my family wants to meet my partner and generally don't talk about my sexuality. I feel that they tolerate me but don't accept. This frustrates my partner greatly as I have met a number of his family members and I enjoy their company. The entire situation becomes further strained when my partner drinks and vents his frustration in an aggressive manner. I also have a lot of stress at work and don't seem to be able to achieve what I need to. All of this leaves me feeling worthless and unable to accomplish anything. I feel anxious at various times throughout the day from getting ready for work through to coming home to a partner drinking and ready to pounce. I don't know how to manage this. Please help! 

  2. justinok
    justinok avatar
    151 posts
    15 May 2014 in reply to brett_s83

    Hey mr, thats a crappy situation to be in, I have been on the other side of it with a partner whose family had a problem with him being gay and they didnt want to meet me. Sure it hurt, but coming from a family that is ok with me and has always accepted boyfriends then I know it must be a million times worse for him, as it is for you and I think your partner should understand that.

    I don't like the sound of the drinking and the aggression either. Has he always been like this? 

  3. geoff
    Life Member
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    geoff avatar
    15076 posts
    15 May 2014 in reply to brett_s83

    dear Brett, thanks for posting on here as well as Justinok, it does take courage for doing this for the first time, as a lot of people decide whether or not to do it, but it's good that you have.

    It seems as though there are a couple of issues here, one that your parents who would probably be in their 60's, accept their son, but don't accept being gay, and the other problem is that your partner has a drinking problem which leads him to be aggressive.

    Firstly you don't approve of his drinking so this is going to lead to problems between the both of you, eventually, so I wonder whether he has any inclination of wanting to cut down, or is he using this as an escape from being rejected by your parents.

    People who are in their later years of life find it difficult to accept same sex relationships, but they have to understand that you aren't going to change, that's the way you want to be, and there's no problem with this, maybe they know of his drinking and becoming aggressive, which you can let us know. Geoff.

  4. DaneSaysYay
    DaneSaysYay avatar
    22 posts
    16 June 2014

    well my family started laughing when i told them so maybe your not alone, and anyway i respect them so i live me a lie, me sad them happy i suppose...

    i can see how one side being supportive and the other not is gonna drive a wedge...

    id look at the drinking, as a non drinker i might not understand but if you are close honest and love each other there should be some consesions. open uplines of communication on the subject, maybe learn to deflect and not react, maybe some where in psycology there is a way to control emotion and work together better with training...

     my revelation came from the ol budha guy at the bus stop who was going on about how he dealt with the old bat as he said, his wife i suppose. he said he just smiles and sas positive things has a seciong before he speaks and breathes deeply etc...

    and work, man thats sounds stress full, knowledge is power maybe delegate some work out and even the preasure.

    i hope you sort it out, but dont listen to me i havent sorted nothing lol. takecare

  5. pirana69
    pirana69 avatar
    10 posts
    26 June 2014


    Sorry about your situation.

    I had thesame issue with my  very first bf when i came out. My family didn't speak to him for 7 years. But i was thankful that he stayed with me and he understood. Hopefully in time your family would finally accept your partner. I know mine finally accepted him towards the end. 

    The drinking doesn't sound good. Maybe he has some issues that he need to speak about. Have you thought about counselling for both of you? 

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