I don't know 100% what your going through, however I will relay my experience and see if it helps.
From the age of 6 I knew I was "different" - I liked other boys/men.
The issue for me was this was totally unacceptable to my parents - especially my father.
When I was 18 I was kicked out (they did educate me - and for this I am thankful!) as I wasn't able to change who I was. (disowned)
Now 14 years later - I've been with my partner for 10 years, have gotten back in contact with my family, but it will never be like a normal family.
Even though I've been out since I was 18, I've only really gotten to the "I'm fantastic, I love myself" stage in the last year or 2 - (so around 30) and only with the help of my loving partner.
In the end you cannot change who you are or who you love.
You didn't choose it - as a son of a religious ****-phobe I can attest to this and whilst I use to wish I was straight, I have since come to the realisation that if I was, I would never have met my family (fantastic friends and partner!)
In the past I did think of ending it - I went on a downward spiral with drugs and alcohol (I haven't touched either for 10 years as I'm better off without them and alcoholism runs in my family) but came out the other side much stronger for it.
If there was 1 thing I could say to my young self it would be - you are who you are, don't bother trying to change those who won't accept you, celebrate the ones who will and to hell with the rest of them.
I don't know how to help your situation - although I hope my story has helped you some what.
Unfortunately society makes people still feel bad about something as fundamental as their sexuality. Hopefully in 20 years we will look back and wonder what all the fuss was about.