Hi and welcome to our caring BB forum community 108;
My heart goes out to you hun. It must've taken you heaps of courage to reach out as you have. So well done! What you're facing is probably one the most significant and complex decisions of your whole life. Internal conflict can be a catalyst for MH issues if not addressed. So I'd like to challenge your beliefs a little as I see your future in turmoil without it.
I'm wondering if you consider yourself a man, or christian first. Being male is intrinsic and not disputable right? Christianity is a way of life, not at all intrinsic; it's a choice. Free will is just that..
Your physical make-up started with the first spark of electricity to split your mum's ova. Do you realise you were female then? Well, you were. All fetuses are female until chromosomes do their thing in the womb a while later. It seems Eve came before Adam!
How can I prove this? By asking; 'Why do you have nipples? They don't serve any purpose for a man, so why are they there?'
I'm now formally a heathen for saying that right?
Christianity's only 2000 yrs old, whereas nature's time immortal. Creation vs evolution has been around as a prime argument since modern man asked, "Why are we here?"
Therefore, are you a natural phenomenon, or an anomaly because one phrase in the bible says so? Christian society has a lot to answer for when it comes to young people accepting their minds and bodies are natural and explainable by science.
I feel you need to ponder this issue from an individual perspective; as one human man first before considering hurting people you love and admire, or moreso, yourself.
You're contemplating living your life as a lie. Please think about the consequences of your actions.
I'd really like to hear from you ok. I know my post is generalised, but I wanted to help you explore your own humanness instead of as a metaphorical child of God.