I wonder we replaced the term "normal" with "natural" and then asked the questions you ask of yourself.
Why isn't my life natural? (It is, isn't it?)
I want to have a family and kids (It's natural isn't it?)
I look at women and look at my straight friends and see what they have (It's natural to love and be loved, to lust and be lusted after)
As another gay man I can tell you that all of the things you want to make your life a natural life ARE natural and are achievable.
Ellen DeGeneres - has a family and kids
Neil Patrick-Harris - has a family and kids
What is it you fear the most about being gay?
You mentioned your best friend who is straight and you have a crush on. Should we call it out and say you love him or could be in love with him because to be in that situation REALLY HURTS. I know it does, it's even enough to not want those feelings anymore, and to not want to be gay so it never happened in the first place. It's enough to even make a wish to be normal (straight?) so the feelings go away and the attraction goes away too.
I bet your best friend is an amazing guy who's got your back and you can obviously tell anything to and I also bet you find him attractive. These things are what help us fall in love with someone. Not being able to be with that person really sucks. I can promise you that there will be someone out there who you will fall in love with who you will have beautiful feelings for who has you back and is attractive and is able to return all the love you give. That's a promise. It's just that your best friend can't return everything you want to give. There's some things you can do in your mind that can help you through a bit of a transformation from wanting him as a lover and keeping him as a friend.
He isn't right for you because he can't return what you have to give - so when you have feelings of wanting to be with him or imagining a life together or anything that isn't a regular friendship, in your mind say "He isn't mine, he isn't right for me because he can't return what I have to give"
You may go through periods where you are angry or make excuses about saying that or even that he might want you for a bit, but keep saying that phrase in your mind when you feel the attraction. After a while you might even feel a bit depressed this is normal but if it lasts for more than 2 or 3 weeks and gets bad, please talk to someone or call the beyond blue help line.