as Rabbitt33 says, there is nothing wrong with you being gay. I was married for 20 years to a wonderful, beautiful woman - my best friend - and hid who I was for my entire life - never exploring my sexuality. I lived as a straight man, never investigating this side of me. Eventually it took it's toll, I too got depressed, it took me to the lowest point in my life where I questioned my existence and found out the hard way that the police don't like you doing certain unsafe things at 1 o'clock in the morning.
I ended up coming out to my wife back in May - I was fortunate that she was extremely loving and supportive, and continues to be. I moved out of the family home, away from her and my 2 kids. I see them a great deal, have them over for dinner or breakfast and the kids stay. I only live 8mins by car from them so is all good.
I created a thread - Toying with the idea of telling my wife that I'm gay - it has become a very long thread with quite a few people joining it and adding their story.
It is a scary time, but I can promise you it gets so much better. The weight of the world is no longer on my shoulders, I no longer crave an ending, and am generally happy. Of course I miss going home to my family, but they will always be there, they love me to death. I still give my (former) wife hugs and kisses.
So after 47 years, I can be my true self, and it is so liberating. For 47 years "Only I knew" and it blows my mind now to think that a whole load of people now know that I am gay. And no one cares. All that my family and friends care about is my health and happiness.
Your sexuality doesn't define you, but it has contributed to who you are today. Now is the time for you - you've taken care of everyone else's feelings and lives for long enough - now take care of you!
You don't need to leave your life behind, but it will change, there will be challenges, but you needn't lose the ones you love most.
There is an organisation called Q-life - google them. they are a peer based phone support for LGBTQ+. They can recommend a LGBT friendly psychologist - they did for me and he has helped me to no end. Helped me rid myself of the self loathing, disgust, hatred and shame. I no longer carry any of these burdens, and all this in just 7 months.
I can't say it will be easy as there are challenges, but with the right support you will get through it and be all the better for it.
Continue chatting here if it helps.