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Forums / Sexuality and gender identity / I NEED HELPPPP!!!!!!!!!

Topic: I NEED HELPPPP!!!!!!!!!

6 posts, 0 answered
  1. risingangel
    risingangel avatar
    6 posts
    14 May 2019
    All my life i have dated guys (boys), and for TWO years i have been questioning my sexual identity because i don't know what i am, like some days i think girls are hot but i don't know if i would date one. All the girls at my school are straight and they say ewww if they know someone is Bi or Les. I feel like im either Bi, or straight but i dont know what one, Im having trouble with it. Im too scared to talk to my parents about it too so i turned to you guys since i know you guys can help and support me. Any help or advice?
  2. white knight
    Community Champion
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    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    white knight avatar
    6235 posts
    15 May 2019 in reply to risingangel

    Hi, welcome

    I'm 63yo and more liberated than your friends are which is odd. Peoples sexuality is a private decision and when made public should be accepted 100% just like someones right to religion or skin colour.

    So obviously it would not serve any positive purpose to expose your sexual preferences at this time, to anyone until certain.

    I know a girl now 22yo that broke news to her parents at 16yo that she was lesbian. She had a really bad time for 2 years (with her parents ) then fled the country with her girlfriend at 18. Finally at 22 after living together for 4 years her parents relented and accepted her for who she was. But some parents never do. That is life, we cant make people accept us but....we should not keep trying to live up to their expectations.

    As for you figuring out where you stand with your confusing desires, sex can be a fluid thing if you let it. You dont need to have urgency in working it all out....let it flow and it will all fall into place eventually.


    Beyondblue Topic not conventional?- you are still a jigsaw piece

    beyondblue Topic the frog and the scorpion

    Beyondblue Topic the best praise you'll ever get

    I hope that helps.

    Think about this- if you were the only person in the world you would accept yourself because there wouldnt be other people to contend with. So it is other peoples judgements that effect us, hurt us and throw standards upon us.

    Fighting these people isnt a good idea, forgive them as they dont realise the pressure they cause and find new friends that love you for who you are.


    Beyondblue Topic fortress of survival part 2


    1 person found this helpful
  3. Birdy77
    Valued Contributor
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    Birdy77 avatar
    1688 posts
    15 May 2019 in reply to risingangel
    Dear risingangel,

    It is good you are reaching out here as you don't feel you can talk about your feelings with your parents or friends.

    It's really normal to have some confusion about your sexuality, you are not alone in that, and if those girls at your school who say eeewww were being really honest I'm sure at least some of them have some sexually confusing thoughts and feelings as well. Plus, they sound particularly immature, just saying!

    I understand that you are having trouble with it, but I would say that there is no hurry to stick yourself with a label (and as Tony said no actual need, it can be fluid). Straight girls sometimes have crushes on girls. Lesbians can have a crush on a guy. Doesn't necessarily mean they identify as bisexual. (eg I am a lesbian and I've had feelings for guys).

    I agree with Tony that it would be unwise to reveal these feelings while you're at school with obviously intolerant people. Allies are absolutely vital.

    I guess I would say just go with it, there's plenty of time to experiment and explore your feelings about girls and guys, and there's no pressure to decide or come-out or anything at all. It's all part of your journey, and is only a part of the complex and awesome individual that is you.

    You are welcome here and I am happy to talk with you more about this any time.

    1 person found this helpful
  4. geoff
    Life Member
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    geoff avatar
    12049 posts
    15 May 2019 in reply to risingangel

    Hi Risingangel, I agree with both Tony and Birdy, there is no reason why you have to tell or let people know at this stage, that's something that is confusing you, whether to or whether not to, no one needs to know.

    You don't know how you are going to feel in 5 years time, we all can change our mind as life progresses, one day we may want to fish, the next day we don't, it's that easy, don't punish yourself, let life take its own direction.


    1 person found this helpful
  5. Definitely Otherwise
    Definitely Otherwise avatar
    82 posts
    20 May 2019 in reply to risingangel

    I really admire ppl that are able to come out in high school. I wasn't strong enough, I was still being brainwashed about many things. There's no rush, but the best thing is always honesty in communication. I know that can be hard when everyone is exploring their sexuality.

    I think there is a difference between finding someone aesthetically good looking and actaully wanting to be sexual with them. What you have to remember is that you're not sexually attracted to every singleg guy you see or walk past, and it's the same with girls. In my experience it will take a particular someone to break through the barriers of social pressure and expectation, and even then you may flip a few times. We have come a long way, but we also haven't as a society. When was the last time you saw two blokes holding hands walking down the street in Parramatta or Campbelltown or Penrith?, me, never.

    We may have reached political milestones, but the social ones haven't caught up. Especially in a lot of schools families and in sport too. People think it's easy to come out, but it's really not. Personally I would wait until after high school so your not clouded by the small culture and you meet a diverse group of people.

    The hard thing after you come out, is finding people you connect with. LGBTI are just like everyone else and have a broad views and opinions. There are very conservative gay people would you beleive.


  6. Cassandra25
    Cassandra25 avatar
    2 posts
    23 May 2019 in reply to risingangel
    Hey! so I'm new to this I've ever had a relationship before and I don't know what its like but I'll try my best to give advice, I like boys but one day i just thought maybe I like girls I was bi curious for about 2 months didn't date anyone so I don't know if that's valid but I met this chick at dance and she just made my jaw drop I didn't understand if it was because I just wanted to be best friends with her or if I was not straight anymore I didn't want to tell my parents or my friends I told a few but got teased so I stopped, my tip for you is to think of girls in a relationship way like could you see yourself in a relationship with a girl or if you have the same feelings towards girls as you do guys, or if you just think wow they're hot and that's that, personally I took a step back re - evaluated and then realised I just wanted her as a real close friend and that I was straight, don't be ashamed if you are bisexual its normal its ok and it shouldn't be frowned upon

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