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Topic: Im confused

4 posts, 0 answered
  1. Emstar :3
    Emstar :3 avatar
    1 posts
    22 October 2020

    Hi, I'm new to beyond blue.

    I'm a 14-year-old girl who's confused about my sexuality. I think I might be asexual as I don't understand what's so good about kissing and sex. I also don't understand why people get into relationships as isn't a partner the same as a best friend but you kiss?? and live together?? sorry if I'm offending anyone I truly don't understand. I know find lovey-dovey stuff gross and very much dislike romantic novels and movie. Do any of you guys have any advice for me?

    This isn't an urgent thing, but it's just been crossing my mind. I also thought what if someone likes me how do I explain to them that I don't really feel attracted to anyone. Also, how can I tell my parent that I don't want a boyfriend, girlfriend or partner of any gender?

    I know I still have a lot of time to find my sexuality and true self, but these questions have just been replaying in my head every day.

    Thank you!!

    I hope you all are doing well and have a good night, day or evening.

    Emstar :3

  2. Croix
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    Croix avatar
    10207 posts
    26 October 2020 in reply to Emstar :3

    Dear Emstar :3~

    I regret the time it has taken you to get a reply here, sometimes that happens, not because of you or your post, but simply the system does not work as well as we would like.

    It is most discouraging to put part of your life up here for others to see and get back nothing.

    OK, I've read your post and think two things, first I would be pretty sure you already have the answer and secondly you are unusually honest and perceptive about yourself.

    Peer pressure is a very strong force, and many will pretend all sorts of things, including having and/or liking sex, just to fit in with the crowd or other peoples' expectations. What they might think privately - when they do think about it -might be something else.

    So if you realize that sex is an unknown that's fine. Until you reach the stage where it becomes an active desire how are you going to know your preferences ? Believe it or not at 14 many will be in the same position as you.

    There is one thing, having a partner is only a bit about sex, in fact for many it may not be the most important thing. Reliability, trust, safety, comfort, fun and the pleasure of being with someone all are needed. PLUS the fact the other person feels exactly the same way.

    So it is more than a best friend with kisses or benefits, it is a much deeper thing.

    As for what you tell other people, what's wrong with the truth? You do not feel attracted to any-one for now and leave it at that.

    Give how you feel ATM it is not surprising your taste in entertainment does not run to romance -so what?

    Why does this all keep playing in your head - I'd guess you are influenced by other people's expectations, the point being they are other people. You stick to being you.

    Do you think this all makes sense?


  3. Confused teen
    Confused teen avatar
    2 posts
    2 November 2020 in reply to Emstar :3

    TBH I am in the same position. For the moment I identify as asexual and aromantic and possibly a demigirl. I am also 14 so I can kinda relate to you. Many people are usually on the right track once they identify as a certain label. Of course it is subject to change once you do more research but you are probably right when you say you are asexual. Also telling your parents is entirely up to you. If you don't know what their opinions are on your current identity maybe explore the topic a little with them by maybe asking or saying things like, "What are your opinions on marriage?" or "Will you be ok if I am not interested in a partner?". Then judging by their responses you can make your decision on whether to tell them or not. If you are still unsure about telling them maybe wait it out a little longer or until your pretty certain about your identity.

    Remember your identity and orientation can always and probably will change. Maybe do more research if you are interested in having a label. Hope you have a great day and I hope anyone who reads this to have a great day!

  4. Spl spl
    Spl spl avatar
    53 posts
    28 January 2021 in reply to Emstar :3

    Hi Emstar,

    Hope you are doing well. There is a possibility that you're asexual, and that's great :) It's normal to be a bit indecisive at this time in your life about sexuality in general honestly, and it's good to see you are thinking about such things. I hope you are not too worried or confused about it. You can still have amazing close friendships and lifelong bonds with people- there is so much more to life than getting into relationships.

    If you are still confused, my piece of advice is to give yourself plenty of time. It might take a bit of experiencing life and seeing yourself handling different scenarios to really get that confidence behind you- in being sure of your sexuality. It's also possible that a more specific label fits your experience right now (such as aroace) but this is entirely up to you! (or maybe you don't want a label at all, which is okay too!) I wish you all the best for the future~

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