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Topic: im inlove :(

11 posts, 0 answered
  1. in_love
    in_love avatar
    3 posts
    13 July 2014
    Im inlove with my best friends boyfriend, I am a guy and he is straight so nothing could ever happen, I have been for a couple years, at first I thought it was just a crush but after this long it cant be, it makes it hard seeing him every day as I live with them.

    I dont know what to do, I just want to get over it but I dont think thats going to happen

    What do I do?

    By the way I am on here already with a different username but to make sure nobody figures out who I am I have made this account 

  2. AGrace
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
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    AGrace avatar
    1214 posts
    14 July 2014 in reply to in_love

    Hi in love,

    This must be a very uncomfortable situation. As you commented this love will always be unrequited. It's up to you whether you want to share your feelings with either your best friend or her boyfriend, but I would strongly consider finding alternate living arrangements. 

    Just like hanging around with an ex, you wont get over this until you distance yourself. You will need time to grieve as well for what can never be. If you think you will need support during this time then you have a choice to rely on another friend or family member, or you can get a referral to a therapist.

    We are here to listen, so I hope you will keep posting as you need.

    AGrace

  3. justinok
    justinok avatar
    151 posts
    14 July 2014 in reply to in_love

    Hey mate,

    Have been exactly where you are. Taking the no contact option was the only thing that worked for me. I'm the kinda guy that when the hooks get in emotionally, it's really hard for me to untangle. You know it's not going to go anywhere, so there's no point in torturing yourself any further. AGrace is right, you need to move out of there.  And try not to be too hard on yourself, it happens; the heart wants what the heart wants but  it will pass.

  4. in_love
    in_love avatar
    3 posts
    15 July 2014
    Hey guys cant really move out as I cant afford to, I do enjoy living here its just my feelings are annoying :/ 
  5. justinok
    justinok avatar
    151 posts
    15 July 2014 in reply to in_love

    If you reckon the feelings are "annoying" rather than "overwhelming", then you'll probably be able to do ok. Maybe just limit your contact with him. Are you dating or making an attempt to see anyone else at the moment? 

  6. AGrace
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    AGrace avatar
    1214 posts
    15 July 2014 in reply to in_love

    Hi Inlove,

    If moving out isn't an option then I think consider distancing yourself in other ways. Spending more time with other friends etc. There also needs to be a sense of acceptance around your hopes never becoming a reality, which is tough. I'd start with thoughts of wanting to be in a relationship with someone who will love you back. I also want to ask, has your friend's boyfriend ever acted as anything more than her boyfriend? In these situations it's a lot about accepting what's factual. In terms of moving on, what sorts of things do you think you could do? Are you looking for love elsewhere?

    AGrace

  7. in_love
    in_love avatar
    3 posts
    15 July 2014
    Im not out looking for a boyfriend atm as I dont really want to get in a relationship with my life the way it is now (work, mental health, finances etc) if someone did fall from the sky and something happened it would be good but yeah im not out looking, plus I tend to find it hard to find decent guys, most of the people I come across tend to want to pay me and my friends for favours and crap like that, I actually dont really see him that often as his normally in bed when I get home from work and I work weekends 
  8. justinok
    justinok avatar
    151 posts
    18 July 2014 in reply to in_love

    Yeah, there's no point in going looking for someone if you're not ready. And if you're feeling your mental health isn't great, then that will play a part too. I reckon you've got to be comfortable in yourself, and having a boyfriend is a bonus instead of feeling like you need someone to complete you, that's when it gets needy and unhealthy. Lol on the payment thing... I don't get those offers myself, maybe I need to work out more haha.

  9. geoff
    Life Member
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    geoff avatar
    15054 posts
    18 July 2014 in reply to in_love

    dear in_love, I take on board the comments that you have made as well as AGrace and Justinok, so can I ask you a couple of questions, answer if only you want to, what would happen if this chap moved out by himself, and left you and who ever else to pay the rent, so would you still follow him as you are in love with him, or would you then suffer that he has gone.

    Do these people know that you are gay, and sorry I mean no harm what's so ever, as everybody is entitled to how they feel in a relationship.

    I will wait until you reply which I hope you do. Geoff.

  10. gibby3794
    gibby3794 avatar
    72 posts
    28 July 2014 in reply to geoff

    hi guys sorry about late reply, yeah they all know im gay and are all fine with it :) well me him and his gf (I met her before I met him) all live with her parents so if they both moved out I probably would go with them, I don't pay rent I just pay board and it wold be the same if just the three of us moved out, lol justinok, theres just a lot of creeps around my area hahah but yeah I as I said I was in a relationship a few months ago and realised I just need to focus on myself and my health atm lol

    thanks for the comments :)

     

  11. gibby3794
    gibby3794 avatar
    72 posts
    4 August 2014 in reply to gibby3794
    Hi guys, btw I am in_love.. 

    I told my friend I am inlove with him and she said shes flattered someone else sees what she does, she asked what it is that I see, im not sure what it is, then she said she doesnt know what it could be either but we both obviously see something lol, 

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